I've been having trouble with a happy occasion in one of my friends lives. No, I'm not a bad person, but as much as I am happy for her, the situation has become very difficult for me.
My friend Amaya and I have an odd connection. She lost custody of her son nearly 15 years ago to her control-freak mother who then had a permanent restraining order placed on her. She hadn't seen her son in all those 15 long years and didn't hold any hope of seeing him again - until last week.
He called her. Within days he came to see her.
How awesome is that? It's really awesome...
But it made me cry. And not tears of happiness. The realization that I would never, ever have that reconnection was nearly too much to handle. It's not as if I didn't know I'd never see Michael again but it had been years since it was so in. my. face.
I have tried to have conversations with her about his visits and how wonderful she feels but I cry every time we talk about her son. Sometimes I cry when I'm on the phone with her; sometimes I can wait until I'm in bed.
My child is gone and no matter how long I wait, I won't see him again until I join him. Time does not heal all wounds, it just makes them less fresh and not as close to the surface. Damn, this hurts.
I think anytime we lose someone, it's hard to forget the hurt no matter how much time has past. It's what makes us human!
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