Yeah, it was that bad and I hated every second. But I'll try to do it again tomorrow.
I went a mile. No, I didn't run it all. I managed to actually run for about a quarter of it, at most. My calf - just one - burned, and when I got home, that ankle was swollen. Go figure. I did worse than I'd hoped but I'll work on it.
My boys were impressed though. They couldn't believe that I'd actually gotten out there on my own. They asked why, and I told them that if I could lose 20 pounds in a year watching what I eat, maybe I could lose twice that if I ran. They offered suggestions: stretch well before running (they were amazed when I showed them that I could touch my toes, they said I couldn't, so I showed them - schmucks) and speed walk the first half mile. They were encouraging.
Then, a few hours later, I managed to roll my ankle - snaps and pops were involved. Not the one that was swollen, the other one. I'm amazing. So if both my ankles are better tomorrow afternoon, I'll stretch, speed walk for half a mile, and try to run most of the last half.
Wish me luck as I torture myself.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Exercising My Hidden Masochist
So running is supposed to be good for you. I read that somewhere - in a blog, where else? Running has great benefits and while you may hate it, you will likely love it as well. We shall see.
I've used arthritis as an excuse not to run or jog for years. Maybe I shouldn't, but I've got to try something more. Walking hasn't ever been enough for me, I don't feel like I've actually gotten a work out and I get bored. Maybe running will be the trick.
I'll let you know - assuming I don't die - whether it's worth it... for me.
I've used arthritis as an excuse not to run or jog for years. Maybe I shouldn't, but I've got to try something more. Walking hasn't ever been enough for me, I don't feel like I've actually gotten a work out and I get bored. Maybe running will be the trick.
I'll let you know - assuming I don't die - whether it's worth it... for me.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
My Boss Hates Me (title courtesy of Matt)
My boss is trying to kill me.
Okay, so I'll explain. We've had a problem at work, a small (we're guessing) fuzzy problem. A few weeks ago, I sat down at my desk, reached for the phone, and noticed little droppings... it was icky. I cleaned them up and looked at the rest of my desk - it's a big desk - and found MORE. It went from icky to gross.
I picked up some of the droppings in a tissue (yes, I did!) and took them to my boss. "I think we have a problem," I said as I put down the tissue and opened it up. He agreed, saying that he'd found a roll of paper towels in his cabinet that looked like it had been chewed.
And then he did nothing.
I complained about it nearly every day, and last Friday...? I full on demanded (nicely) that he do something about the little rodent.
This morning I went into work and found lots of little droppings and nearly blew my top - and then I did blow my top. I found poison on my desk! Yes, I did! I saw what looked like crumbs spilling from behind my monitor -a flat screen that has about three inches of space behind it underneath the counter (picture a receptionist's desk) - and when I pulled it forward, there was a little block of what looked like granola bar. But it wasn't. And I picked it up before I realized what it was!
I marched back to his office - after thoroughly washing my hands - and asked if he'd put poison on my desk. "Oops, I forgot to clean it up." OOPS? That's all ya' got?
Damn, I think he's trying to off me!
Matt agrees that my boss is trying to kill me... and he says he doesn't blame him! Little ingrate.
Okay, so I'll explain. We've had a problem at work, a small (we're guessing) fuzzy problem. A few weeks ago, I sat down at my desk, reached for the phone, and noticed little droppings... it was icky. I cleaned them up and looked at the rest of my desk - it's a big desk - and found MORE. It went from icky to gross.
I picked up some of the droppings in a tissue (yes, I did!) and took them to my boss. "I think we have a problem," I said as I put down the tissue and opened it up. He agreed, saying that he'd found a roll of paper towels in his cabinet that looked like it had been chewed.
And then he did nothing.
I complained about it nearly every day, and last Friday...? I full on demanded (nicely) that he do something about the little rodent.
This morning I went into work and found lots of little droppings and nearly blew my top - and then I did blow my top. I found poison on my desk! Yes, I did! I saw what looked like crumbs spilling from behind my monitor -a flat screen that has about three inches of space behind it underneath the counter (picture a receptionist's desk) - and when I pulled it forward, there was a little block of what looked like granola bar. But it wasn't. And I picked it up before I realized what it was!
I marched back to his office - after thoroughly washing my hands - and asked if he'd put poison on my desk. "Oops, I forgot to clean it up." OOPS? That's all ya' got?
Damn, I think he's trying to off me!
Matt agrees that my boss is trying to kill me... and he says he doesn't blame him! Little ingrate.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Yes. Another Post
I was just going through pictures on my computer and found this one. I think it's AMAZING! I'd never seen it before. It was taken by a friend and one of over 400 that I loaded onto my computer for safe keeping - oh, and so I could have my I graduation pictures, thank you very much.
This is Lindsay last summer, somewhere on the back side of the Horsetooth Rock trail.
A Dog Meme
Tami was tagged for a "Pug Meme" but didn't know enough pug owners... My family had an English Springer Spaniel for just over five years. He's gone now, but we still LOVE Springers.
How did you first learn about English Springer Spaniel's?
A friend of ours was a breeder. She'd had Springers for years and adored them.
What made you get an English Springer Spaniel?
When our breeder friend's dog had puppies, I talked to the hubby about getting one and begged but NO GO. He said we couldn't have a dog where we live and I decided I agreed with him and didn't have another thing to do with those adorable puppies... Until one night we went to their house for dinner and he heard the phrase "bird dog". He was hooked. We decided to buy one of her last puppies, a fifteen week old male that seemed quieter than his brother. (He wasn't)
Most memorable moment with your English Springer Spaniel?
Egad - probably the time we went to the zoo and left him home alone (how dare we). When we got home, we found that he had eaten the back door! I kid you not! He wanted out so he, somehow, ate the corner of the backdoor enough to push it out and escape! Lord, have mercy and give me patience! see below
But we had tons of fun times with him too. We took him to the cabin for Christmas one year and discovered that he'd rather run a mile in four feet of snow than have anything to do with a snow mobile.
We went to Horsetooth Reservoir with him and played all day on the beach. He loved to run and play and sometimes, on his own terms, to get wet. The weirdest damn water dog I've ever met.
We took him to the park a lot. They were family outings and he was family. 'Nuff said.
And every night when the hubby and I would go to bed, Hunter would lay between us while I pet him on the head. When I'd stop (because I was falling asleep or I thought he was) Hunter would turn his big head and look at me, asking me with those beautiful big brown eyes why I would stop, "Don't stop Mom."
What is the most important thing that English Springer Spaniel's have taught you?
I learned more about unconditional love and patience from Hunter than I think I have from any other person in my life. Mostly because he constantly tried my patience, but no matter what, would always love on me and let me know that he loved ever last bit of me... toes, feet, hands, nose - all of it.
How did you first learn about English Springer Spaniel's?
A friend of ours was a breeder. She'd had Springers for years and adored them.
What made you get an English Springer Spaniel?
When our breeder friend's dog had puppies, I talked to the hubby about getting one and begged but NO GO. He said we couldn't have a dog where we live and I decided I agreed with him and didn't have another thing to do with those adorable puppies... Until one night we went to their house for dinner and he heard the phrase "bird dog". He was hooked. We decided to buy one of her last puppies, a fifteen week old male that seemed quieter than his brother. (He wasn't)
Most memorable moment with your English Springer Spaniel?
Egad - probably the time we went to the zoo and left him home alone (how dare we). When we got home, we found that he had eaten the back door! I kid you not! He wanted out so he, somehow, ate the corner of the backdoor enough to push it out and escape! Lord, have mercy and give me patience! see below
But we had tons of fun times with him too. We took him to the cabin for Christmas one year and discovered that he'd rather run a mile in four feet of snow than have anything to do with a snow mobile.
We went to Horsetooth Reservoir with him and played all day on the beach. He loved to run and play and sometimes, on his own terms, to get wet. The weirdest damn water dog I've ever met.
We took him to the park a lot. They were family outings and he was family. 'Nuff said.
And every night when the hubby and I would go to bed, Hunter would lay between us while I pet him on the head. When I'd stop (because I was falling asleep or I thought he was) Hunter would turn his big head and look at me, asking me with those beautiful big brown eyes why I would stop, "Don't stop Mom."
What is the most important thing that English Springer Spaniel's have taught you?
I learned more about unconditional love and patience from Hunter than I think I have from any other person in my life. Mostly because he constantly tried my patience, but no matter what, would always love on me and let me know that he loved ever last bit of me... toes, feet, hands, nose - all of it.
Best thing you ever did for your English Springer Spaniel?
Unfortunately, the best thing we ever did for him was to let him go. We found out, after a short illness, that Hunter had lymphoma and it had spread to nearly every part of his body. We put him down the next day after taking two rolls of film - because that would be the day we couldn't find the damn digital camera. (Unfortunately, these pictures are all on my computer at work.)
[IMAGE REMOVED]
Here's a picture of him that the kids took with my cell phone (and the first picture of me on this blog). Maybe I'll load more of them tomorrow.
He really was a beautiful dog and we loved him.
The Soccer Club Bites
I am so frustrated with the Soccer Club and Lindsay's new coach right now that I could just scream, and I have - at least once.
The soccer teams are made up of girls from all over Fort Collins and when there are not enough girls to make a full team from one school, they are combined with schools in the 'same geographical' area. Or that's the way it's supposed to work.
Lindsay's team is made up of girls from six different schools over eight miles apart. There are much closer schools, trust me, and we* are guessing that these 11 girls are all that was left from all over town so they must have thought it would be easiest to throw them all together and call it good.
The worst part is that their coach insists on having practice five miles away from us (and we're not the farthest away), and no where in the middle of the six schools. He's being inconsiderate of the parents of the five kids' families that live on this side of town.
He might have considered having one practice a week at his home school, and one practice a week at a school in the middle - and that's not even my school, folks!
He even had the nerve to say to me that no one from our school stepped up to coach... well, if we'd known there was a problem - and we didn't because the Club didn't put out a call for coaches like they usually do - we might have been able to find a coach, or even had some notice that we'd be spending much more a week on gas...
When it comes time for the coaches gift, I'll say I've already given him mine. I drove to where he wanted to have practice when he wouldn't be considerate of the five players on the other side of town... I paid in gas. Glad he enjoyed our gift.
*We refers to another family from Lindsay's school.
The soccer teams are made up of girls from all over Fort Collins and when there are not enough girls to make a full team from one school, they are combined with schools in the 'same geographical' area. Or that's the way it's supposed to work.
Lindsay's team is made up of girls from six different schools over eight miles apart. There are much closer schools, trust me, and we* are guessing that these 11 girls are all that was left from all over town so they must have thought it would be easiest to throw them all together and call it good.
The worst part is that their coach insists on having practice five miles away from us (and we're not the farthest away), and no where in the middle of the six schools. He's being inconsiderate of the parents of the five kids' families that live on this side of town.
He might have considered having one practice a week at his home school, and one practice a week at a school in the middle - and that's not even my school, folks!
He even had the nerve to say to me that no one from our school stepped up to coach... well, if we'd known there was a problem - and we didn't because the Club didn't put out a call for coaches like they usually do - we might have been able to find a coach, or even had some notice that we'd be spending much more a week on gas...
When it comes time for the coaches gift, I'll say I've already given him mine. I drove to where he wanted to have practice when he wouldn't be considerate of the five players on the other side of town... I paid in gas. Glad he enjoyed our gift.
*We refers to another family from Lindsay's school.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Notes From A Meme
I read a lot of blogs; let's face it, I'm addicted. That means I get to see a lot of meme's. I read their answers and think of my own to the questions, like everyone else, I'm sure.
I've noticed this question several times in the last couple of weeks, "Have you ever saved anyone's life?"
Actually, the answer for me is "yes", but the story isn't amazing. Regardless, I'll tell it.
I woke up to a phone call at 6:30 in the morning. My caller ID told me it was my neighbor and my first thought was, "What the HELL?!"
When I answered, I knew something was wrong. Her speech was slurred and she was confused, saying that she couldn't wake her daughter up. I hung up on her and ran next door. When I approached her front door I could smell the gas; it was thick and heavy.
I opened the storm door and saw my neighbor lying on the floor and her daughter asleep on the couch. They were difficult to get moving but once I got mom up, she dealt with her daughter while I went outside away from the fumes to call 911 on my cell phone.
The paramedics took them to the hospital and the fire department shut down and red tagged their furnace, placed fans throughout the house, and told me that I'd saved both the neighbor's lives.
When they got home from the hospital, the neighbor gushed over me and told everyone she talked to that I'd saved them. I was totally embarrassed, all I did was go to their house and yell a lot!
Funny how a meme can bring up those memories.
I can also say that I
I've noticed this question several times in the last couple of weeks, "Have you ever saved anyone's life?"
Actually, the answer for me is "yes", but the story isn't amazing. Regardless, I'll tell it.
I woke up to a phone call at 6:30 in the morning. My caller ID told me it was my neighbor and my first thought was, "What the HELL?!"
When I answered, I knew something was wrong. Her speech was slurred and she was confused, saying that she couldn't wake her daughter up. I hung up on her and ran next door. When I approached her front door I could smell the gas; it was thick and heavy.
I opened the storm door and saw my neighbor lying on the floor and her daughter asleep on the couch. They were difficult to get moving but once I got mom up, she dealt with her daughter while I went outside away from the fumes to call 911 on my cell phone.
The paramedics took them to the hospital and the fire department shut down and red tagged their furnace, placed fans throughout the house, and told me that I'd saved both the neighbor's lives.
When they got home from the hospital, the neighbor gushed over me and told everyone she talked to that I'd saved them. I was totally embarrassed, all I did was go to their house and yell a lot!
Funny how a meme can bring up those memories.
I can also say that I
- made the decision to disconnect someone from life support
- climbed a mountain
- had my picture in the paper
- licked a 9-volt battery
- thrown up in public
- suck at math
Friday, August 15, 2008
Missin' My Movies
**Edited to add - Our Netflix came on Saturday! YEA!
Look familiar? Well, we haven't seen any since we sent ours back on Monday. The Netflix system apparently has some problems and I'm about ready to have some withdrawal issues; I really wanted to see Sahara and Flight of the Phoenix, and I'm sure the hubby was looking forward to the next Stargate Atlantis disk! Maybe I'll have to curl up in my chair tonight - with A in hers next to me - and watch some Netflix online.
Look familiar? Well, we haven't seen any since we sent ours back on Monday. The Netflix system apparently has some problems and I'm about ready to have some withdrawal issues; I really wanted to see Sahara and Flight of the Phoenix, and I'm sure the hubby was looking forward to the next Stargate Atlantis disk! Maybe I'll have to curl up in my chair tonight - with A in hers next to me - and watch some Netflix online.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Birthday Party
I totally forgot to post any pictures of The GF's birthday party. She and her brother share a birthday but she's two years older than him. Their birthdays aren't until next week but the party was last Friday evening.
They had a 50-foot slip 'n slide, sumo wrestler suits and a bouncy house - the kids are celebrating their 16th and 18th birthdays... Some kids...
This is Jake and The GF. Check out how much ankle Jake has going on!
The top of the slip 'n slide. The slide went down a hill and took a... maybe 35-degree turn? And they went down it in sumo suits! While it was raining.
They had a 50-foot slip 'n slide, sumo wrestler suits and a bouncy house - the kids are celebrating their 16th and 18th birthdays... Some kids...
This is Jake and The GF. Check out how much ankle Jake has going on!
The bouncy house - that's Lindsay in the swim suit and half of The GF's mom on the left. (I must be really good at taking pictures of half of people!) And you can't see the food, but the spread included M&M's, Oreo's, three kinds of chips, root beer on tap, hot dogs, hamburgers and a tub of red licorice!
The top of the slip 'n slide. The slide went down a hill and took a... maybe 35-degree turn? And they went down it in sumo suits! While it was raining.
Rainbows and Butterflies and Pink Ponies
Remember how I said I need to think of rainbows? Well, one showed up.
I'm going to let it sink in for awhile.
Maybe I'll see a pink pony this weekend... you don't think so?
I'm going to let it sink in for awhile.
Maybe I'll see a pink pony this weekend... you don't think so?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Just Call Me Technically Challenged
The hubby fixed the fridge. Apparently, the pin and washer I found on the floor were all the parts we needed to put the door back on.
It seems that my lovely refrigerator was assembled by the Kenmore people on a Friday afternoon because all of the screws and bolts seem to be loose and that's why the door fell off - the pin just worked it's way out.
Thank heavens it's fixed. And I even managed to clean the door!
It seems that my lovely refrigerator was assembled by the Kenmore people on a Friday afternoon because all of the screws and bolts seem to be loose and that's why the door fell off - the pin just worked it's way out.
Thank heavens it's fixed. And I even managed to clean the door!
Seriously?
We bought a new refrigerator last November when my old one took a crap. And it didn't really give us much notice, if you don't count that the compressor had been banging when it shut down for like... oh, I don't know, a YEAR? But seeing as how this is the first refrigerator that we actually own and the landlords don't because, well, it's our house, it was our responsibility to fix it or replace it. We just had no idea how they give you warning when their about to say their final goodbye's.
We bought a decent, lower end (but not the lowest) refrigerator from Sears during a decent sale and spent about $400 on it. I have been pretty happy with my new fridge; it keeps the food cold and all, what more do you really want from a refrigerator, right?
I want it to NOT BREAK! For a couple of weeks, busy weeks (that's my excuse for not being smarter), the refrigerator door was hanging a little lower on one side. I didn't know why exactly, but I suspected that the bottom brace on the hinge side was bent and that we'd have to replace it. It's under warranty, right? Yeah, it is. But I thought that fixing it ourselves - eventually - would be easier than calling in the warranty.
Tonight the door FELL OFF in my hand. I freaked out, took all the food in the door and put it on the counter so I could turn it upside down and find out what the hell happened! The pin (or whatever is in the bottom) is either broken in half or it's missing half of it. I found half of it and a washer on the floor but the rest seems to have disappeared. Who knows when it broke or came undone and I have no idea what I'm looking for.
Tomorrow I'll call a Kenmore dealer/repair shop and find out if they know what I need to fix it - and it really should be just putting the part in and putting the the door back on, right?
In the meantime, the door is empty and in place, but when you open it... it just falls off in your hand.
We bought a decent, lower end (but not the lowest) refrigerator from Sears during a decent sale and spent about $400 on it. I have been pretty happy with my new fridge; it keeps the food cold and all, what more do you really want from a refrigerator, right?
I want it to NOT BREAK! For a couple of weeks, busy weeks (that's my excuse for not being smarter), the refrigerator door was hanging a little lower on one side. I didn't know why exactly, but I suspected that the bottom brace on the hinge side was bent and that we'd have to replace it. It's under warranty, right? Yeah, it is. But I thought that fixing it ourselves - eventually - would be easier than calling in the warranty.
Tonight the door FELL OFF in my hand. I freaked out, took all the food in the door and put it on the counter so I could turn it upside down and find out what the hell happened! The pin (or whatever is in the bottom) is either broken in half or it's missing half of it. I found half of it and a washer on the floor but the rest seems to have disappeared. Who knows when it broke or came undone and I have no idea what I'm looking for.
Tomorrow I'll call a Kenmore dealer/repair shop and find out if they know what I need to fix it - and it really should be just putting the part in and putting the the door back on, right?
In the meantime, the door is empty and in place, but when you open it... it just falls off in your hand.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Regarding Friends
I truly love the fact that I have several good friends. I have friends that have families that require lots of attention and I have friends who have more time to converse (read: chit chat with no point). Some people have the time and some don't, I accept that.
These days though, I feel like I make everyone uncomfortable when I bear my soul, or even a tiny corner of it. I want so very much to call up my high school girlfriend and talk about life. I want to hear how her family is really doing; I don't want her to hide anything because we haven't been close in years. And I want to talk about Michael with her because she is one of the few people who actually knew him. But, we haven't been close in years and it makes me very sad.
I find myself isolated because I don't want to subject those friends I have to the pain that I am experiencing. My grief is uncomfortable. I know.
For the time being, I have to swallow the lump in my throat and think of rainbows and butterflies and pink ponies when I talk to my friends. Maybe that's why my phone doesn't ring much these days.
These days though, I feel like I make everyone uncomfortable when I bear my soul, or even a tiny corner of it. I want so very much to call up my high school girlfriend and talk about life. I want to hear how her family is really doing; I don't want her to hide anything because we haven't been close in years. And I want to talk about Michael with her because she is one of the few people who actually knew him. But, we haven't been close in years and it makes me very sad.
I find myself isolated because I don't want to subject those friends I have to the pain that I am experiencing. My grief is uncomfortable. I know.
For the time being, I have to swallow the lump in my throat and think of rainbows and butterflies and pink ponies when I talk to my friends. Maybe that's why my phone doesn't ring much these days.
Bitter Revisited
Today I was reading a loss blog of a woman whose son was stillborn. To be fair, I haven't read a whole lot of her. She's probably a wonderful person. The following just hit me wrong during a very difficult time I'm going through.
She said, and I'll quote here,
"...there is absolutely no need to tell me, a woman who has buried her only (much wanted, much planned for) son, about the prevalence of teen pregnancy in North America. My Spidey-Senses begin to tingle when I am in within 200 paces of a teen mom. I generally avoid Saturdays at the mall so I don't have to look at the teen parent's showing off their kids, or their friends thinking they are so cool. I don't go to high school functions or teen activities, because I choose NOT to think about the unfairness of unwanted teen pregnancies in light of my experience. Thank you so much for bringing up the issue of teen pregnancy with me - just what I wanted to think about right now."
This quote is from a post that is over two years old but it stirred something in me that I've found horribly unfair for 19 years. I was told, while Michael lay on life support in the PICU that, "This is your punishment from God." Ummm, oookay...? But I didn't take it that well; my reaction was more like a silent contemplation of the fact that God did not love me and that he was heartless enough to kill a baby in order to punish me. People looked at me as though I was a freak, a teen parent who lost their child? "Well, she'll get over it, she's young."
Why is it that just because I was a teen parent and my son unplanned, that people don't think it was just as difficult for me to lose him than it would have been for a 20-something year old who had tried for a year to get pregnant? Is there really a difference?
I haven't written about Michael's life or the day he died - I'm not ready to share all that yet (I guess); I've only written about his impact on me so let me just say...
I was two weeks shy of my 16th birthday when I got pregnant with him. I was one month shy of my 17th birthday when he died. My faith was destroyed, my boyfriend (now husband) and I split up, my friends found me too unbearable because I wasn't fun, I dropped out of school, I became withdrawn, addicted to pain medication and sleeping pills, I was a 17 year old mess.
I did overcome it, most of it. The hubby and I have three healthy children. But invisible to most people, our family is cracked and someone is missing. Michael was the first, so the kids don't remember him but they do know that I'm sometimes sad about him and that I'm overprotective because of my experiences - I always think I'm going to lose one of them too.
I understand the she was just writing what she was feeling and that's OKAY. But the sentiment is out there; people think less about teen parents as actual parents and more of them as a public health issue, a societal problem - and let's not forget that they just think less of them.
Try to remember what it was like the first time you laid eyes on your son or daughter - that's what it was like for me too.
She said, and I'll quote here,
"...there is absolutely no need to tell me, a woman who has buried her only (much wanted, much planned for) son, about the prevalence of teen pregnancy in North America. My Spidey-Senses begin to tingle when I am in within 200 paces of a teen mom. I generally avoid Saturdays at the mall so I don't have to look at the teen parent's showing off their kids, or their friends thinking they are so cool. I don't go to high school functions or teen activities, because I choose NOT to think about the unfairness of unwanted teen pregnancies in light of my experience. Thank you so much for bringing up the issue of teen pregnancy with me - just what I wanted to think about right now."
This quote is from a post that is over two years old but it stirred something in me that I've found horribly unfair for 19 years. I was told, while Michael lay on life support in the PICU that, "This is your punishment from God." Ummm, oookay...? But I didn't take it that well; my reaction was more like a silent contemplation of the fact that God did not love me and that he was heartless enough to kill a baby in order to punish me. People looked at me as though I was a freak, a teen parent who lost their child? "Well, she'll get over it, she's young."
Why is it that just because I was a teen parent and my son unplanned, that people don't think it was just as difficult for me to lose him than it would have been for a 20-something year old who had tried for a year to get pregnant? Is there really a difference?
I haven't written about Michael's life or the day he died - I'm not ready to share all that yet (I guess); I've only written about his impact on me so let me just say...
I was two weeks shy of my 16th birthday when I got pregnant with him. I was one month shy of my 17th birthday when he died. My faith was destroyed, my boyfriend (now husband) and I split up, my friends found me too unbearable because I wasn't fun, I dropped out of school, I became withdrawn, addicted to pain medication and sleeping pills, I was a 17 year old mess.
I did overcome it, most of it. The hubby and I have three healthy children. But invisible to most people, our family is cracked and someone is missing. Michael was the first, so the kids don't remember him but they do know that I'm sometimes sad about him and that I'm overprotective because of my experiences - I always think I'm going to lose one of them too.
I understand the she was just writing what she was feeling and that's OKAY. But the sentiment is out there; people think less about teen parents as actual parents and more of them as a public health issue, a societal problem - and let's not forget that they just think less of them.
Try to remember what it was like the first time you laid eyes on your son or daughter - that's what it was like for me too.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
The Lost Children
I've been having trouble with a happy occasion in one of my friends lives. No, I'm not a bad person, but as much as I am happy for her, the situation has become very difficult for me.
My friend Amaya and I have an odd connection. She lost custody of her son nearly 15 years ago to her control-freak mother who then had a permanent restraining order placed on her. She hadn't seen her son in all those 15 long years and didn't hold any hope of seeing him again - until last week.
He called her. Within days he came to see her.
How awesome is that? It's really awesome...
But it made me cry. And not tears of happiness. The realization that I would never, ever have that reconnection was nearly too much to handle. It's not as if I didn't know I'd never see Michael again but it had been years since it was so in. my. face.
I have tried to have conversations with her about his visits and how wonderful she feels but I cry every time we talk about her son. Sometimes I cry when I'm on the phone with her; sometimes I can wait until I'm in bed.
My child is gone and no matter how long I wait, I won't see him again until I join him. Time does not heal all wounds, it just makes them less fresh and not as close to the surface. Damn, this hurts.
My friend Amaya and I have an odd connection. She lost custody of her son nearly 15 years ago to her control-freak mother who then had a permanent restraining order placed on her. She hadn't seen her son in all those 15 long years and didn't hold any hope of seeing him again - until last week.
He called her. Within days he came to see her.
How awesome is that? It's really awesome...
But it made me cry. And not tears of happiness. The realization that I would never, ever have that reconnection was nearly too much to handle. It's not as if I didn't know I'd never see Michael again but it had been years since it was so in. my. face.
I have tried to have conversations with her about his visits and how wonderful she feels but I cry every time we talk about her son. Sometimes I cry when I'm on the phone with her; sometimes I can wait until I'm in bed.
My child is gone and no matter how long I wait, I won't see him again until I join him. Time does not heal all wounds, it just makes them less fresh and not as close to the surface. Damn, this hurts.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Microburst - And I had to look that up!
We had a microburst tonight - a massive gust of winds - that downed my neighbor's tree... right onto her new car.
The winds picked up and peaked in about 15 seconds and then died out just as quickly. In those few moments I got up, closed the dining room window most of the way and was headed to the front door to rescue anything that might blow away outside.
My daughter met me at the door hysterically crying about a tree falling on the neighbor's son. I ran over to their driveway and discovered their tree laying on their car and their basketball hoop on it's side. The neighbor's boyfriend was under the tree, and for a moment, I thought it had hit him.
Here's one of the pictures I took.
The neighbor boy was hit on the back by the falling basketball hoop but he's okay. The tree actually fell beside the car and two branches were on the car.
Since the homeowners association said they wouldn't remove it until morning, the neighbor's boyfriend took a hatchet to them and they got the pressure off the car.
And there is no damage. Can you believe it?
In the picture you can see my neighbor off to the left - or half of her - and the hubby is standing in front of it with his very attractive shorts on. :)
The winds picked up and peaked in about 15 seconds and then died out just as quickly. In those few moments I got up, closed the dining room window most of the way and was headed to the front door to rescue anything that might blow away outside.
My daughter met me at the door hysterically crying about a tree falling on the neighbor's son. I ran over to their driveway and discovered their tree laying on their car and their basketball hoop on it's side. The neighbor's boyfriend was under the tree, and for a moment, I thought it had hit him.
Here's one of the pictures I took.
The neighbor boy was hit on the back by the falling basketball hoop but he's okay. The tree actually fell beside the car and two branches were on the car.
Since the homeowners association said they wouldn't remove it until morning, the neighbor's boyfriend took a hatchet to them and they got the pressure off the car.
And there is no damage. Can you believe it?
In the picture you can see my neighbor off to the left - or half of her - and the hubby is standing in front of it with his very attractive shorts on. :)
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