Things have been crazy for so long and I haven't kept much of a record of it - except on Facebook and that's not great for journaling. I was surprised to see that I'd actually written something here in 2011, but not nearly enough.
Matt graduated from high school in May and we held a graduation/going away party at the beginning of June. My wonderful friend hosted it at her home and it was amazing. The following week, Matt spent time with his friends and had family time, culminating in a trip for 10 to the Denver Zoo on Sunday and a barbeque at our house that evening. The Monday he was to leave - wow, it still brings a lump to my throat - we all woke up early and got ready to go to breakfast at 9:00. We met his friends and my parents at IHOP, enjoying our last moments with him before he left. At 10:30 we left and picked up a few last minute items at Walgreens, got some paperwork from the bank and went home. When we got there, Matt went in his room and cried; the rest of did too. I spoke to him in his room a few times and then Rob said he should get ready to go since his brother was supposed to have him to the recruiter's office at noon. We all went outside and hugged him, crying. When his brother drove him away, my daughter and I stood outside in the driveway wrapped around my husband and loudly sobbed for several minutes.
Fast forward through all of the pain and anguish of learning to live without him in our lives every day - two whole months (eye roll). He didn't die but I had never really understood what it was to be cut off from one of my children, if only for a short time. In August we went to Chicago to watch PIR (Pass In Review - Navy Boot Camp Graduation) and it was amazing to see him - and he LOOKED amazing too. I said to Rob at breakfast that Saturday morning that he looked like he belonged in the uniform, like he'd waited his whole life to be big enough, mature enough, to wear it with pride. My heart melted and I've never been more proud of him.
I started the Professional Counseling program at Colorado Christian University and I'm totally overwhelmed. And… I find myself smack dab in the middle of an "I don't give a sh*t" moment with a paper due in just under a week. Not a good place. I hope it's just a bad week or two. If it isn't, I'm going to have to consider taking a year off school. I just can't be in school under this amount of pressure for an extended length of time. I could have a stroke. Just kidding…. Maybe not.
