The Temptation of the Gas Station

While running my daughter to an appointment, I remembered that my fuel light had come on earlier in the day and I had been ignoring it...  and I wasn't going to get too far unless I did something about it.  There was a very convenient gas station on our route so I pulled in and began pumping gas.  While I waited in the bitter cold wind we're getting here in Northern Colorado, I looked up at the tiny station.  For a brief moment, I considered going in and buying a pack of cigarettes.

The thought came out of nowhere.  Did I want a cigarette right then?  No, but I think I bought a pack from here once or twice.  It's been 38 days and I'm having almost no cravings at all.  To be fair, I'm still avoiding situations.  I haven't talked on the phone to the friends who smoke (I will know what they're doing), I haven't even thought of going to the bar with my husband (he plays darts), and I haven't talked to friends on my lunch hour at work.  I'm isolating a little, but I'm also finding out what non-smokers do with their evenings and lunch hours.

I still don't notice any difference in my smell and taste.  Allergy season is kicking into high gear, which might account for the lack of improvement there, as well as the continuous feeling of congestion.  I'm really looking forward to this time next year when the shortness of breath is gone.  I bet allergy season isn't such a bear then!

When the weather improves, Lindsay and I are going to start walking again.  I think the exercise will also improve the way I feel.  For now, I'm less pissy than I have been and am starting to find some benefit to this healthy choice - finally.   I've saved $112 by not smoking 380 cigarettes.

One of *THOSE* weeks

Yeah, the weeks that make you want to curl up in a ball and cry, that leave you feeling vulnerable and weak.  And I lived through it...  without smoking.

I'm shocked, really.  I did a couple of things I was worried about.  First, I talked on the phone with a couple of friends.  I wandered around just like I would have done when I was smoking, but without a cigarette.  It was only a little strange to not light up, and it was fine.  The second thing was to drive a distance (rather than just around town or to school) and I still didn't smoke.  Might have had a little to do with the drives being in the morning, but whatever.  I didn't smoke.

I also told everyone.  I told my SIL a few weeks ago and she brought it up at Easter so all of my in-laws know.  I also "told" everyone I know on FB.  I've been posting a number for each day I'm smoke-free.  Yesterday I posted a No Smoking symbol with a 31 on top of it.  Everybody knows now so I will disappoint a bunch of people if I start again.  I don't want to start again.  I haven't smoked 316 cigarettes and I've saved around $100.  I'm hoping I start to feel that money saved.  :)

No idea what's got me this far.  Maybe it's stubborn determination?  I guess I don't care.  My husband and I are now smoke free and someday I won't be pissy about it.

Nope...

Still not smoking...  still pissy about it.  I haven't talked to friends on the phone in quite some time since that is one of my triggers.  The good news is that I have more time and I'm being slightly more productive with that time.  I've done homework, watched movies with my husband, and even done some cleaning.  I know, shocking right?!

Friday night I got a call from a Colorado QuitLine coach.  She was pretty helpful, had great tips, and helped me to clarify some of my coping mechanisms and why I quit.  I'm supposed to get another call in about three weeks.

Biggest struggles:

• Gaining weight - I swore I wouldn't eat mindlessly or to replace smoking, but that has not been the case.  I find myself eating when I'm bored, when I would have been smoking, and for no reason at all.  I have got to get this under control.  
• Feeling disconnected from my friends - I would love to be able to call up my friends, but the risk is just too big right now.  I feel like changing my habits has to come first and then I can start talking to them again.
• Driving home at night - I guess I used that first cigarette at the end of the day (nope, I didn't generally light up until around 4 or 5 in the evening) to let off some stress and I'm kind of lost as to how to blow that stress off right now.  Some days I just hold my ecig between my fingers, some days I have to use it, but mostly I just turn up the radio.  

I'm still holding strong; I haven't had one in 24 days.

Food Whine

I haven't done much cooking lately.  I make food for my family, but it's generally super simple, from Schwans, or out of a box.  I like sandwiches and salads because they're simple.  I've also come to love burrito bowl's, in the spirit of Q-dubs (as my kids call it).  Today being the lazy Saturday that I needed, I didn't make breakfast and needed something easy for lunch.  I had all the makings for Chicken Tortilla Soup, but the hubby doesn't like soup.

I Quit!

Smoking, that is.  It's been two weeks, so I'm not out of the woods yet.  I have had some intense desires to smoke, mostly related to stress or frustration.  I just keep reminding myself that I quit for a reason, that it makes me feel awful, that I wouldn't be able to breathe, that I would smell bad.  I tell myself all kinds of things to keep from buying a pack of cigarettes.

I wanted to quit smoking in January, but then life got crazy and I had excuse after excuse to continue.  Then, two weeks ago I was on the phone with a friend for five hours, smoking the whole time.  Around the time I finished the last cigarette in my pack, we got off the phone.  It was late so I didn't go buy another pack.  The next day was busy all day and forgot to buy a pack.  The next day I made a conscious effort to refrain, followed by another day, and another.

I could say that now was the worst time for me to quit, but that's not true.  Anytime a smoker quits is a great time, if they can make it through.  I joined the Colorado QuitLine and received a bunch of information from them and Anthem a couple days ago, including techniques and ideas to help me be successful.

Let me just say that nothing in this blog post is medical advice, nor do I suggest you make any changes to your life that you are not ready for or before talking to your doctor.  These are just my experiences and some of the information I have come across during my journey.

P - Pick a day to quit smoking

• A birthday, an anniversary, on vacation, a holiday.  I just quit.  No planning, no lead up.  That probably won't work for many people; it's not very realistic, but if the mood strikes, go with it!

L - Let family and friends know I'm quitting

• I didn't tell anyone for several days.  Nobody noticed and I didn't point it out.  I'd say about four days after my last cigarette, I mentioned it to my husband.  He quit about four weeks before I did, and I thought I'd share with him since he wouldn't be judgmental or over encouraging.  That's what I've been avoiding, the over-encouragement from non and former smokers.  I don't feel like it's cause for a parade, nor do I want to hear how "it's about time."  And maybe, just maybe, I don't want to disappoint anyone if I start smoking again.  But that's why you tell people, right?

A - Anticipate the stressors and triggers, and have strategies to cope

• About five days after quitting, I mentioned that I was stressed over quitting to my supervisor, who then began talking about how hard it was for her to quit all those years ago.  She talked about e-cigs that have no nicotine in them.  WHAT?!  I knew about e-cigs, I had tried to use one in their early days, but I had no idea they were making them without nicotine.  I struggle with the behavior of smoking.  I can cope with the nicotine "fits" but not smoking while driving home, or to class, or on my lunch break, or when talking on the phone was almost too much to handle.  On my way home from our meeting, I stopped at Walgreens and bought a disposable zero nicotine e-cig.  It doesn't really replace smoking, but when I'm super stressed and I just need to use the behavior, it's a decent substitute.  
• Some of the coping strategies suggested in the information from QuitLine are avoiding, alternatives, adjusting.
• Avoid people, places, or things that trigger you to smoke.  You might have to stay away from other smokers, where smokers gather, drinking, or places you smoked at home.  For me this is situational, as I mentioned before.
• Make sure you have alternatives to smoking ready.  You can use toothpicks, mints, gum, straws, popsicles, veggies, hard candies, or a water bottle.  I use the e-cig for this.  I have stayed away from eating anything extra because I know food can become my replacement habit.  My choices in gum and mints are limited because of a sensitivity to artificial sweeteners.
• Be willing to adjust your schedule and habits.  You might have to keep busy, work on hobbies, take long walks or exercise another way, or even call a friend.  Go somewhere that doesn't allow smoking or brush your teeth after you eat or when you just really have to have that cigarette.  I had to stop talking on the phone for awhile.  I used to go outside, call a friend, and light up a cigarette.  I'd be outside in the evening for hours, talking to anyone who would answer the phone.  For the past two weeks, I've only talked on the phone at night if it's a business call (A lot of counselors only have evening hours to return calls.  I know, right?)  I haven't really talked to friends and I'm worried about how I'll react when I do make those calls again.  Hopefully, the e-cig continues to be a good substitute.

N - Nicotine addiction medication

• I'm really torn about this one.  I won't receive my first call from the QuitLine coach for another week and they'll talk to me about using the patch or gum and how their use increases the chances that I'll successfully quit.  The thing is, by that time all the nicotine will be out of my system and I don't think I want to reintroduce it.  
• There are some meds that are used for reducing stress that you have to get from your doctor.  Not all medications will be safe for everyone, so be open minded to your doctors suggestions.  If you're planning on quitting, know that research shows that using nicotine medications can double or triple your chances of quitting for good.  

So that was some of the information I was sent.  I also started pinning information and tips for quitting.  I found a great graphic of Quit Tips put out by The Health District of Northern Larimer County.  One of the tips was to keep a journal.  Since I LOVE journaling and I never do it, I thought this was the perfect excuse!

I'm also using an app on my phone called Cessation Nation.  It tracks your quit date, time since you quit, the amount of money you have saved, and the number of cigarettes not smoked, and the amount of time you have saved.  Since I wasn't really a heavy smoker, I've only saved about $40 since I quit.  I have no idea how much my husband and I have saved together!  Good news though, we need that money to pay for medical bills we've racked up over the past couple of months!

Here is what I want to commit to:

1. Not smoking another cigarette.
2. Blogging at least weekly about my progress and tips I find useful.

Research also shows that when you make a verbal or written commitment, you're more likely to follow it.