Things have been crazy for so long and I haven't kept much of a record of it - except on Facebook and that's not great for journaling. I was surprised to see that I'd actually written something here in 2011, but not nearly enough.
Matt graduated from high school in May and we held a graduation/going away party at the beginning of June. My wonderful friend hosted it at her home and it was amazing. The following week, Matt spent time with his friends and had family time, culminating in a trip for 10 to the Denver Zoo on Sunday and a barbeque at our house that evening. The Monday he was to leave - wow, it still brings a lump to my throat - we all woke up early and got ready to go to breakfast at 9:00. We met his friends and my parents at IHOP, enjoying our last moments with him before he left. At 10:30 we left and picked up a few last minute items at Walgreens, got some paperwork from the bank and went home. When we got there, Matt went in his room and cried; the rest of did too. I spoke to him in his room a few times and then Rob said he should get ready to go since his brother was supposed to have him to the recruiter's office at noon. We all went outside and hugged him, crying. When his brother drove him away, my daughter and I stood outside in the driveway wrapped around my husband and loudly sobbed for several minutes.
Fast forward through all of the pain and anguish of learning to live without him in our lives every day - two whole months (eye roll). He didn't die but I had never really understood what it was to be cut off from one of my children, if only for a short time. In August we went to Chicago to watch PIR (Pass In Review - Navy Boot Camp Graduation) and it was amazing to see him - and he LOOKED amazing too. I said to Rob at breakfast that Saturday morning that he looked like he belonged in the uniform, like he'd waited his whole life to be big enough, mature enough, to wear it with pride. My heart melted and I've never been more proud of him.
I started the Professional Counseling program at Colorado Christian University and I'm totally overwhelmed. And… I find myself smack dab in the middle of an "I don't give a sh*t" moment with a paper due in just under a week. Not a good place. I hope it's just a bad week or two. If it isn't, I'm going to have to consider taking a year off school. I just can't be in school under this amount of pressure for an extended length of time. I could have a stroke. Just kidding…. Maybe not.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Ramblings of a Crazy Person
I just realized that my mothers birthday is tomorrow. She'll be… well, that's not important. She bought herself a Nook two weeks ago so I think I'll get her a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble.
My life has become a pressure cooker. Between planning Matt's graduation/going away party and trying to figure out how to get to Chicago in August, being on the board of the rescue, fostering dogs, stressing over how to pay for prom tickets and Lindsay's growing distaste for soccer, I thought I was overwhelmed… And then Jake started talking about joining the Reserves. We talked about it a couple of times and he was going back and forth between the Army and Navy. Tuesday night he called me up and said he'd made a decision. He has decided to go into the Navy, but there's a catch… he's going active rather than reserves. That means that both of my boys will be gone for four years, at the same time. We likely won't have them back here together for all of that time. I'm not doing well, but I have to be supportive.
A friend of mine sent me a text last night asking if I was doing okay. She's not very attentive… that's the nice way of saying that the friendship is hit and miss. She'd seen all my posts on facebook about the boys breaking my heart and decided that she'd ask me how I was doing… in a text. I'm just not from that generation. I don't think that a text is good conversation and I decided I didn't want to deal with her so I just said I was fine and left it at that. At least she doesn't have to feel bad about not being a good friend. I let her off the hook.
Graduate school starts August 22. Oh, I didn't mention… I got into the program! Very cool. Anyway, I'm hoping that I'm not so stressed by the time I start school again. We'll be going to Chicago, Great Lakes actually, for PIR from the Navy RTC at the end of the second week of August for Matt. We'll go back sometime in September or October for Jake. We decided that it will be cheaper to rent a car and drive than to fly. It will take 15 hours, plus stops, so I think we'll plan to start at night when Lindsay can crash for a lot of it. Maybe I'll have to put a bunch of movies on my computer for her to watch.
I suppose that I should post a menu or two. I love being able to keep track of them here but I haven't been posting. I'll have to go back and find all the little pieces of paper I scribbled dinners down on.
Anyway, tonight is the night Matt, Lindsay and I have dinner together. Rob is out playing darts so the kids and I can have whatever we want for dinner without Rob refusing to eat. He's picky and he makes me crazy sometimes. Lindsay is picky too, but I just make her try it and ignore the complaints. Tonight we're having Stouffers Macaroni and Cheese. I found the box in the freezer this morning and thought all day about how good it would taste. Alongside that rich, gooey mac n cheese, I'm serving broccoli. And that will be dinner. Yum.
So menu's will have to wait. I'll hunt them down and post them when I can.
My life has become a pressure cooker. Between planning Matt's graduation/going away party and trying to figure out how to get to Chicago in August, being on the board of the rescue, fostering dogs, stressing over how to pay for prom tickets and Lindsay's growing distaste for soccer, I thought I was overwhelmed… And then Jake started talking about joining the Reserves. We talked about it a couple of times and he was going back and forth between the Army and Navy. Tuesday night he called me up and said he'd made a decision. He has decided to go into the Navy, but there's a catch… he's going active rather than reserves. That means that both of my boys will be gone for four years, at the same time. We likely won't have them back here together for all of that time. I'm not doing well, but I have to be supportive.
A friend of mine sent me a text last night asking if I was doing okay. She's not very attentive… that's the nice way of saying that the friendship is hit and miss. She'd seen all my posts on facebook about the boys breaking my heart and decided that she'd ask me how I was doing… in a text. I'm just not from that generation. I don't think that a text is good conversation and I decided I didn't want to deal with her so I just said I was fine and left it at that. At least she doesn't have to feel bad about not being a good friend. I let her off the hook.
Graduate school starts August 22. Oh, I didn't mention… I got into the program! Very cool. Anyway, I'm hoping that I'm not so stressed by the time I start school again. We'll be going to Chicago, Great Lakes actually, for PIR from the Navy RTC at the end of the second week of August for Matt. We'll go back sometime in September or October for Jake. We decided that it will be cheaper to rent a car and drive than to fly. It will take 15 hours, plus stops, so I think we'll plan to start at night when Lindsay can crash for a lot of it. Maybe I'll have to put a bunch of movies on my computer for her to watch.
I suppose that I should post a menu or two. I love being able to keep track of them here but I haven't been posting. I'll have to go back and find all the little pieces of paper I scribbled dinners down on.
Anyway, tonight is the night Matt, Lindsay and I have dinner together. Rob is out playing darts so the kids and I can have whatever we want for dinner without Rob refusing to eat. He's picky and he makes me crazy sometimes. Lindsay is picky too, but I just make her try it and ignore the complaints. Tonight we're having Stouffers Macaroni and Cheese. I found the box in the freezer this morning and thought all day about how good it would taste. Alongside that rich, gooey mac n cheese, I'm serving broccoli. And that will be dinner. Yum.
So menu's will have to wait. I'll hunt them down and post them when I can.
Monday, January 31, 2011
SNOW DAY... Or should I say, It's-too-freaking-cold-to-keep-the-buses-running-Day!
It's cold here in Northern Colorado. So cold that the school district didn't know if they could get the buses started in the morning, therefore stranding kids in below zero weather while waiting for the bus. They also don't want kids walking to school when the windchill is -24, our predicted morning weather. I really hate cold weather.
On the bright side, I survived January, finished my last class at Grand Canyon University, finished my application to Colorado Christian University, and have a general feeling of contentment with the choices I have made for my life in the recent past.
I have been really busy these past several weeks with so many different. I've written a press release, guidelines for foster homes, reviewed a 501(c)(3) narrative, attended a board meeting, updated my resume, wrote my admissions essay and have the books at work nearly done. I should be able to send them to the accountant tomorrow - if I don't decide to take the day off work and stay home with the kids watching movies and drinking hot chocolate while staying warm under a blanket on the couch.
My husbands grandfather had surgery six days ago to remove his gallbladder. The day after the surgery he experienced severe chest pain and was transferred to the cardiac ward where he has been ever since. He is slightly disconnected with reality and confused due to the pain medications and the doctors haven't been able to give the family a prognosis. To complicate matters more, he broke his shoulder at the family Christmas party and didn't tell anyone because he was embarrassed... an 87 year old man, playing basket ball with his 11 year old great-granddaughter fell and broke his shoulder. I'm not sure what he was embarrassed about. He told his wife two weeks later when he couldn't stand the pain any longer. They had finally scheduled surgery on his shoulder when he had to have emergency surgery on his gallbladder. The situation doesn't look good. Losing grandparents isn't easy, yet it is a fact of life. I've lost both of mine - one six years ago, the other this last December. I haven't even begun to process my own loss; now I have to be there for my husband and children.
So life goes along at its own pace, throwing in the curves along with the easy rides. Maybe I will call in tomorrow and take a break.
On the bright side, I survived January, finished my last class at Grand Canyon University, finished my application to Colorado Christian University, and have a general feeling of contentment with the choices I have made for my life in the recent past.
I have been really busy these past several weeks with so many different. I've written a press release, guidelines for foster homes, reviewed a 501(c)(3) narrative, attended a board meeting, updated my resume, wrote my admissions essay and have the books at work nearly done. I should be able to send them to the accountant tomorrow - if I don't decide to take the day off work and stay home with the kids watching movies and drinking hot chocolate while staying warm under a blanket on the couch.
My husbands grandfather had surgery six days ago to remove his gallbladder. The day after the surgery he experienced severe chest pain and was transferred to the cardiac ward where he has been ever since. He is slightly disconnected with reality and confused due to the pain medications and the doctors haven't been able to give the family a prognosis. To complicate matters more, he broke his shoulder at the family Christmas party and didn't tell anyone because he was embarrassed... an 87 year old man, playing basket ball with his 11 year old great-granddaughter fell and broke his shoulder. I'm not sure what he was embarrassed about. He told his wife two weeks later when he couldn't stand the pain any longer. They had finally scheduled surgery on his shoulder when he had to have emergency surgery on his gallbladder. The situation doesn't look good. Losing grandparents isn't easy, yet it is a fact of life. I've lost both of mine - one six years ago, the other this last December. I haven't even begun to process my own loss; now I have to be there for my husband and children.
So life goes along at its own pace, throwing in the curves along with the easy rides. Maybe I will call in tomorrow and take a break.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Second Week of January Hell
As far as my personal life, last week went as smooth as silk. Evenings were relaxed and dinner was a breeze. I didn't know what to do with myself when I came home to slow cooker dinners. I had so much more time on my hands that I had no need to try and stay awake until midnight - I was in bed by 9 every night and asleep before 10. Amazing.
Work, on the other hand, was awful. I hope I survive this month. I'm convinced that I will be actively looking for a job at the beginning of February. Sigh...
So my plan for this week is...
For breakfast this week we have cereal, oatmeal, whole grain apple muffins and mini pancakes. I wish I'd bought some microwave sausage, but the kids will survive. We've been getting out the door earlier this last week, a habit I hope we'll continue, so they even have time to eat breakfast at school if they didn't grab anything on the way out the door.
I'm prepared to pack Lindsay a lunch again this week. I did it every day for about two months at the beginning of the school year and then I just couldn't do it any more. I even tracked it every week on facebook. This week, at least a couple of days, she'll be having soup (chicken tortilla or leftover taco) with crackers and cheese or leftovers from either the turkey divan or broccoli beef along with some ramen noodles and a side of hot sauce. Strange child, she is. Everything's got to have hot sauce to go along.
Work, on the other hand, was awful. I hope I survive this month. I'm convinced that I will be actively looking for a job at the beginning of February. Sigh...
So my plan for this week is...
- Potato Soup with bacon, sharp cheddar and bread or toast.
- Taco Soup with cheesy tortillas.
- Broccoli Beef with rice and egg rolls.
- Stuffed pasta shells in marinara sauce with green beans.
- Chili with all the fixin's. (can make this in the slow cooker)
- Chicken (or Turkey) Divan with rice. (another slow cooker dinner)
- Pot Roast with baby bakers, carrots and biscuits. (slow cooker definite)
For breakfast this week we have cereal, oatmeal, whole grain apple muffins and mini pancakes. I wish I'd bought some microwave sausage, but the kids will survive. We've been getting out the door earlier this last week, a habit I hope we'll continue, so they even have time to eat breakfast at school if they didn't grab anything on the way out the door.
I'm prepared to pack Lindsay a lunch again this week. I did it every day for about two months at the beginning of the school year and then I just couldn't do it any more. I even tracked it every week on facebook. This week, at least a couple of days, she'll be having soup (chicken tortilla or leftover taco) with crackers and cheese or leftovers from either the turkey divan or broccoli beef along with some ramen noodles and a side of hot sauce. Strange child, she is. Everything's got to have hot sauce to go along.
Monday, January 3, 2011
January and Other Horrors
Something about today - the last day of our holiday break - gave me the strength to face the coming month. January is chaos at work, Thursday I start the last three weeks of my last class at Grand Canyon University, and I'm starting to feel as though I have some say in the direction of my marriage.
I have been struggling lately in my relationship... I guess the right way to phrase that is that we have been struggling. We're not communicating well, but we've never been great at it. I'm going to listen better, process what he says and then respond rather than react. I think I just made a New Year's resolution. I'm not comfortable with calling it that - I think I'll just make a vow to myself to try harder to be present in my relationship.
My relationship with the University I attend is a whole different animal. That relationship is over. Besides the administrative difficulties and instruction failures they have, the program I'm in is one of the worst to try to take online. If you only have to show your degree/transcripts to work in a field, I'm sure online is great. When you have to pass state boards and really know the subject inside and out... well, lets just say that I've spent almost $6,000 on classes and don't know much more than the day I started. I need to be in a classroom, talking with people, practicing what I'm learning, and really absorbing it. UoP is launching a program at the Westminster campus sometime in March and I'm going to transfer. It will be tough to drive down to Denver once a week, leaving at 4:30 and getting home around 11pm, but it will be worth it.
Like every January for the last 12 years, I'm about to head into hell at work. Closing up the books for the previous tax year always takes every last bit of energy I have. Hopefully I can ease into it; my boss is leaving for a conference on Wednesday afternoon and will be gone the rest of the week. I keep telling myself that this is the last January I'll have to do at this job. I'm crossing my fingers that I can get my act together and find another job before the end of the year. After all, I'm in a field I've been tired of for at least 10 years.
I have been struggling lately in my relationship... I guess the right way to phrase that is that we have been struggling. We're not communicating well, but we've never been great at it. I'm going to listen better, process what he says and then respond rather than react. I think I just made a New Year's resolution. I'm not comfortable with calling it that - I think I'll just make a vow to myself to try harder to be present in my relationship.
My relationship with the University I attend is a whole different animal. That relationship is over. Besides the administrative difficulties and instruction failures they have, the program I'm in is one of the worst to try to take online. If you only have to show your degree/transcripts to work in a field, I'm sure online is great. When you have to pass state boards and really know the subject inside and out... well, lets just say that I've spent almost $6,000 on classes and don't know much more than the day I started. I need to be in a classroom, talking with people, practicing what I'm learning, and really absorbing it. UoP is launching a program at the Westminster campus sometime in March and I'm going to transfer. It will be tough to drive down to Denver once a week, leaving at 4:30 and getting home around 11pm, but it will be worth it.
Like every January for the last 12 years, I'm about to head into hell at work. Closing up the books for the previous tax year always takes every last bit of energy I have. Hopefully I can ease into it; my boss is leaving for a conference on Wednesday afternoon and will be gone the rest of the week. I keep telling myself that this is the last January I'll have to do at this job. I'm crossing my fingers that I can get my act together and find another job before the end of the year. After all, I'm in a field I've been tired of for at least 10 years.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Cooking Makes Me Happy
And so does meal planning. If I plan what I'm going to make during the week, I have the ingredients I need and there are no last minute shopping trips, which cost more money than they should. I truly hate going to the grocery store when I get off work.
I rarely decide what day I'm going to make something; it's too restrictive for me, especially when I forget to thaw something - I feel like I'm falling behind. The definite exception is soup. Rob doesn't like soup so during dart season, I plan soup dinners for Lindsay, Matt and myself on Thursdays when he plays.
So this is my list for the week of January 2 - 8, 2011.
We have a lot of random leftovers from the holidays. There are three half-gallons of eggnog, orange juice, ice in the deep freeze (great for using to shake up a Cosmo), artichoke dip, rolls, and random half-packages of Schwans frozen food. I also have frozen turkey in the deep freeze but I don't want to use it all up right away. We had turkey pot pie with with garlic parmesan cream sauce. I'd post the recipe but I really do suck at writing them.
I rarely decide what day I'm going to make something; it's too restrictive for me, especially when I forget to thaw something - I feel like I'm falling behind. The definite exception is soup. Rob doesn't like soup so during dart season, I plan soup dinners for Lindsay, Matt and myself on Thursdays when he plays.
So this is my list for the week of January 2 - 8, 2011.
- Green Chili Chicken Enchiladas
- Macaroni and Cheese Casserole (Kraft, tuna, mushroom soup and peas - simple and comforting)
- Rotisserie Chicken Tacos
- Puff Pastry Pizza with pepperoni, green peppers, mushrooms
- Crock Pot Lasagna with salad and french bread
- Crock Pot Beef Stroganoff with green beans and garlic bread
- Breakfast for Dinner - Waffles, eggs and bacon. The waffle maker I got for Christmas is amazing.
We have a lot of random leftovers from the holidays. There are three half-gallons of eggnog, orange juice, ice in the deep freeze (great for using to shake up a Cosmo), artichoke dip, rolls, and random half-packages of Schwans frozen food. I also have frozen turkey in the deep freeze but I don't want to use it all up right away. We had turkey pot pie with with garlic parmesan cream sauce. I'd post the recipe but I really do suck at writing them.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2010 in Review
2010 was interesting. I received my undergrad degree, started graduate school, decided I hated my job enough to actually consider moving on, decided I had made a horrible choice in colleges, my son enlisted in the Navy, my grandfather died, and so many marital problems... the last few moments of 2010 summed up the whole year. Miserable.
Other items of note:
- I had 8 posts here in 2010. What kind of awful is that?! When I first started this blog I loved writing here; I loved being able to put my thoughts somewhere. Now I tell myself I'm too busy or that I don't have the energy. I think the real reason is that I don't want to see how awful I felt about my life.
- I started fostering dogs in 2010 and the one we have right now had puppies on December 13. Seven were born, three have survived to date.
- I realized that, after years of not buying myself new clothes, I have one pair of jeans, one pair of casual work slacks and one pair of nice work slacks. I have several nice summer blouses but almost nothing for winter.
- I have two four-year old pajama pants, both of which have holes in them. I asked for new ones for Christmas but Rob was being an ass and decided I should have a bathrobe instead. Not the same thing and not nearly as useful.
- I received two broken Christmas presents. That pretty much sums up my year.
- I spent a Christmas gift card on groceries - just because.
- I discovered that lime vodka makes amazing Cosmopolitans.
- Three or four of these Cosmo's (drunk one right after the other) will make me go right to sleep. I think that makes them cheaper than most over the counter sleep aids.
- Letting your family know that you aren't happy doesn't generally yield any results. There needs to be yelling or something equally jarring in order to remove their heads from their various electronic devices.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Random Crap - Again
I joined a group called Navy Mom Connection and talked with someone from there tonight. It feels so weird - and it's heartbreaking - to be thinking about when Matt leaves and begins a life that doesn't include us. Not that I thought he would be mine his whole life. One day he'll just leave and he won't be home for months, as in many. And this won't be his home anymore. His home will be wherever the Navy sends him.
The transition will be so quick in fact, that his sister will move into his room when he leaves for RTC because he won't be back. We will see him (hopefully) eight weeks later for (again, hopefully) a few days after graduation and then he'll leave for A School in Florida.
How do military moms - parents - handle this transition? I think about this all the time now. I know that parents have been doing this for decades, I just wonder how I will handle it.
The transition will be so quick in fact, that his sister will move into his room when he leaves for RTC because he won't be back. We will see him (hopefully) eight weeks later for (again, hopefully) a few days after graduation and then he'll leave for A School in Florida.
How do military moms - parents - handle this transition? I think about this all the time now. I know that parents have been doing this for decades, I just wonder how I will handle it.
Monday, October 25, 2010
All the crap that life has shoveled my way...
I haven't stuck with a meal plan in a long time. I wrote up seven days worth of meals, put together a shopping list, checked the cupboards, and headed out to the grocery store. Seven meals, plus breakfast and a few lunch items, added up to about $170. Damn!
I went on the NavyforMoms.com site and some woman actually said to another worried mom whose son was in his second or third week of boot to 'calm down and get over yourself.' That's what they call support? I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.
I'm feeling a bit stupid right now. I can't figure out how to allow URL links in comments. Does anyone know how to make this change in Blogger? I've looked at the comments options but I can't figure it out. Is it even possible in Blogger? I'm wondering if I shouldn't migrate this blog to the one I have over at Wordpress that's been dead for a year and a half.
- Spicy Shredded Beef with potato salad
- Enchilada Casserole and salad
- Easy Crock Pot Chicken with long grain and wild rice
- Macaroni and Cheese Casserole (comfort food at its best)
- Hot Brown with tomato and asparagus (first time I've ever made this)
- Chicken Piccata with salad and marinated mushroom/Havarti/artichoke appetizers
- Steak and Gravy, Crock Pot style with mashed potatoes
I went on the NavyforMoms.com site and some woman actually said to another worried mom whose son was in his second or third week of boot to 'calm down and get over yourself.' That's what they call support? I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.
I'm feeling a bit stupid right now. I can't figure out how to allow URL links in comments. Does anyone know how to make this change in Blogger? I've looked at the comments options but I can't figure it out. Is it even possible in Blogger? I'm wondering if I shouldn't migrate this blog to the one I have over at Wordpress that's been dead for a year and a half.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Things are about to change...
My son enlisted in the Navy yesterday. I never imagined this for one of my kids.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Pepsi Refresh Project - A Soft Place To Land, Inc.
Update - 1/1/11
It looks as though we've finally landed in not only the top 10, but FIRST PLACE! We'll receive notification from Pepsi on Monday the 3rd. I'm so excited to be a part of this group and make this a rescue a success.
I'm on the board of a very small, very new dog rescue. This group of women save dogs from being euthanized when they are considered useless by puppy mills. They, we, provide them with safe and comfortable homes where they are socialized and shown that people are kind, spay or neuter them, and then place them for adoption.
A Soft Place To Land, Inc. is competing in the Pepsi Refresh Project for a $25,000 grant to pay for the 501(c3) (non-profit status), PACFA (Pet Animal Care Facilities Act) application, veterinarian costs, and so much more. This is a very worthy cause and I ask you to check them out and vote every day. Voting ends October 31 and we need to be in the top 10 in order to receive the grant.
I've included a link to the right to vote for us. You may also vote by texting* 102827 to Pepsi (73774).
*Standard text messaging rates apply.
It looks as though we've finally landed in not only the top 10, but FIRST PLACE! We'll receive notification from Pepsi on Monday the 3rd. I'm so excited to be a part of this group and make this a rescue a success.
I'm on the board of a very small, very new dog rescue. This group of women save dogs from being euthanized when they are considered useless by puppy mills. They, we, provide them with safe and comfortable homes where they are socialized and shown that people are kind, spay or neuter them, and then place them for adoption.
A Soft Place To Land, Inc. is competing in the Pepsi Refresh Project for a $25,000 grant to pay for the 501(c3) (non-profit status), PACFA (Pet Animal Care Facilities Act) application, veterinarian costs, and so much more. This is a very worthy cause and I ask you to check them out and vote every day. Voting ends October 31 and we need to be in the top 10 in order to receive the grant.
I've included a link to the right to vote for us. You may also vote by texting* 102827 to Pepsi (73774).
*Standard text messaging rates apply.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Random Crap
Yeah, okay... I may have to revert to posting weekly menus in order to post something here. It's probably only interesting to me but that's okay.
- Easy Chicken Enchiladas, rice, beans
- Meatloaf, baby baker potatoes, green beans
- Canadian bacon with apples and onions, sweet potato mash
- Taco's
- Mac N Cheese with Chicken
- Spaghetti and meatballs
- Some sort of soup
I've finished up my Counseling Theories class - or will on Wednesday. This one was a killer and I'm hoping that things get easier rather than harder. I've asked a friend to let me know if she hears anything about Time or Stress Management workshops in the area; I really need help in that aspect. My next class is Dual Disorders, focusing on - I believe - psychological disorders and alcohol or drug abuse. So much fun.
Homecoming week is upon us. All week long Matt's high school will be having activities for homecoming - the three biggest are a huge bonfire on Thursday night, the football game on Friday and dance on Saturday. I think all the kids really love this week just because the district tries to make it fun. Matt will have his senior pictures done on October 3. I'm not doing them like I did for Jake. Matt mowed a photographer's lawn this summer in exchange for his pictures. I'm sure they'll be a lot better than mine.
And on my final note of randomness - completely outdoing myself for making the least sense ever and having no point whatsoever - I'm reading a great series these days... The Hallows Series (Rachel Morgan) by Kim Harrison. This series of books can be described as paranormal murder-mystery romance - otherwise known as vampire smut. Oh, dear Lord. It's brain candy at its best, and I swore I'd never read anything like Twilight (still won't read that, by the way).
I'll wrap this up with a link to a blogger-friend of mine - I think the sentiment is appropriate these days.
- Easy Chicken Enchiladas, rice, beans
- Meatloaf, baby baker potatoes, green beans
- Canadian bacon with apples and onions, sweet potato mash
- Taco's
- Mac N Cheese with Chicken
- Spaghetti and meatballs
- Some sort of soup
I've finished up my Counseling Theories class - or will on Wednesday. This one was a killer and I'm hoping that things get easier rather than harder. I've asked a friend to let me know if she hears anything about Time or Stress Management workshops in the area; I really need help in that aspect. My next class is Dual Disorders, focusing on - I believe - psychological disorders and alcohol or drug abuse. So much fun.
Homecoming week is upon us. All week long Matt's high school will be having activities for homecoming - the three biggest are a huge bonfire on Thursday night, the football game on Friday and dance on Saturday. I think all the kids really love this week just because the district tries to make it fun. Matt will have his senior pictures done on October 3. I'm not doing them like I did for Jake. Matt mowed a photographer's lawn this summer in exchange for his pictures. I'm sure they'll be a lot better than mine.
And on my final note of randomness - completely outdoing myself for making the least sense ever and having no point whatsoever - I'm reading a great series these days... The Hallows Series (Rachel Morgan) by Kim Harrison. This series of books can be described as paranormal murder-mystery romance - otherwise known as vampire smut. Oh, dear Lord. It's brain candy at its best, and I swore I'd never read anything like Twilight (still won't read that, by the way).
I'll wrap this up with a link to a blogger-friend of mine - I think the sentiment is appropriate these days.
Monday, September 6, 2010
New Friends
I used to think I had a hard time making friends but I don't really think that's the case. I'm picky. I like people who are moms, who have lives that are just as crazy as mine, and who don't really have time to spend on their friends. That's what makes it difficult. The last woman I met whom I liked, works a full time job, has two little girls, goes to school part time, and is married to a man that is a full time student. Wow. And I thought I was busy.
Rob met her husband a year ago. They became friends at school and wanted to get the two families together. I balked. I don't like meeting new people; it's awkward and a lot of the time, the other families we've met are too different or... out of our league? He tried to arrange a picnic last summer, a barbecue, a day at the lake - he was relentless. I said no. I was under a lot of pressure with my senior capstone, finishing up my degree, surviving a job that I can't stand, my oldest son was graduating and starting his own life. I made all the excuses I could think of.
At the beginning of this summer, my husband started talking about getting together with this other family again. This time he said he wasn't taking no for an answer. I finally (and literally) threw up my hands and said, "Fine, lets plan to meet them at the lake and barbecue." I picked the date and he made all the plans. My job was to show up. And I did. And I really enjoyed myself. It took a little while for the ice to break, and when it did, this amazing woman and I sat talking about everything and nothing for hours. Our kids played and fished, husbands talked and talked (and fished a little), and this woman and I talked - endlessly. I was sad when the day came to an end. I was also exhausted and burned and dragging a complaining 11 year-old home.
I had enjoyed myself so much that day, I told my husband that we had to do it again - soon! We went to the New West Fest, spending the day walking around, feeding our kids 'fair food' and listening to the free concerts. This year the Fest had margaritas at their Brewfest section, so when we were done walking around and doing everything, we sent out kids with our husbands to ride all the crazy, expensive rides, and the moms? Well, we bought margaritas, picked out a spot on the grass and talked for as much time as we could get. I really liked her. We decided to exchange phone numbers and befriended each other on Facebook.
I've talked to her on the phone twice now; always after her kids are in bed and mine are on their way. I can relate to her because she's raising a family, working and surviving school - not just surviving but excelling. It's nice to venture out of your comfort zone sometimes. You don't always meet people you can enjoy at soccer practices or the bleachers at football games. Sometimes it's good to let your husband set you up with someone - you never know what the rewards will be.
Rob met her husband a year ago. They became friends at school and wanted to get the two families together. I balked. I don't like meeting new people; it's awkward and a lot of the time, the other families we've met are too different or... out of our league? He tried to arrange a picnic last summer, a barbecue, a day at the lake - he was relentless. I said no. I was under a lot of pressure with my senior capstone, finishing up my degree, surviving a job that I can't stand, my oldest son was graduating and starting his own life. I made all the excuses I could think of.
At the beginning of this summer, my husband started talking about getting together with this other family again. This time he said he wasn't taking no for an answer. I finally (and literally) threw up my hands and said, "Fine, lets plan to meet them at the lake and barbecue." I picked the date and he made all the plans. My job was to show up. And I did. And I really enjoyed myself. It took a little while for the ice to break, and when it did, this amazing woman and I sat talking about everything and nothing for hours. Our kids played and fished, husbands talked and talked (and fished a little), and this woman and I talked - endlessly. I was sad when the day came to an end. I was also exhausted and burned and dragging a complaining 11 year-old home.
I had enjoyed myself so much that day, I told my husband that we had to do it again - soon! We went to the New West Fest, spending the day walking around, feeding our kids 'fair food' and listening to the free concerts. This year the Fest had margaritas at their Brewfest section, so when we were done walking around and doing everything, we sent out kids with our husbands to ride all the crazy, expensive rides, and the moms? Well, we bought margaritas, picked out a spot on the grass and talked for as much time as we could get. I really liked her. We decided to exchange phone numbers and befriended each other on Facebook.
I've talked to her on the phone twice now; always after her kids are in bed and mine are on their way. I can relate to her because she's raising a family, working and surviving school - not just surviving but excelling. It's nice to venture out of your comfort zone sometimes. You don't always meet people you can enjoy at soccer practices or the bleachers at football games. Sometimes it's good to let your husband set you up with someone - you never know what the rewards will be.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
It's been forever!
My life got completely out of hand. First, I walked in commencement exercises with Regis University in December and then I actually was awarded my degree in March. I am the proud owner of a mint condition Bachelor of Science, Magna Cum Laude, Applied Psychology. MAGNA CUM LAUDE people!
Knowing my degree wasn't going to pay me enough to start repaying the staggering amount that I now owe to the Federal Loan Program, I was already on the ball. I applied to, and was accepted at, Grand Canyon University for a Master of Science, Professional Counseling degree. I started June 3. So far I have one "A" and am working on my second one. At this point though, I just want to pass. Having two children living at home with active social lives and sports schedules, balancing that with a part time job and being in graduate school... oh, yeah, I'm a wife too - now when do I get to have any time for me? I'm working on it.
Jake moved out last October. He graduated from high school, enrolled in college, found roommates and decided to jump ship. Can't blame him though; it was time for him to spread his wings and have his own life. It's quiet around here without him. Well, the quiet is a relative term. With a 'tween and a 17 year old in the house, there is plenty of noise, but Jake had this huge, loud personality. I miss him.
Jake is about to turn 20 (in less than two weeks!), Matt will be 18 two days after that, and Lindsay will be 12 in October. Holy crap, I'm feeling old! I'm pretty sure I'm not mature enough to have a 20 year old son.
Knowing my degree wasn't going to pay me enough to start repaying the staggering amount that I now owe to the Federal Loan Program, I was already on the ball. I applied to, and was accepted at, Grand Canyon University for a Master of Science, Professional Counseling degree. I started June 3. So far I have one "A" and am working on my second one. At this point though, I just want to pass. Having two children living at home with active social lives and sports schedules, balancing that with a part time job and being in graduate school... oh, yeah, I'm a wife too - now when do I get to have any time for me? I'm working on it.
Jake moved out last October. He graduated from high school, enrolled in college, found roommates and decided to jump ship. Can't blame him though; it was time for him to spread his wings and have his own life. It's quiet around here without him. Well, the quiet is a relative term. With a 'tween and a 17 year old in the house, there is plenty of noise, but Jake had this huge, loud personality. I miss him.
Jake is about to turn 20 (in less than two weeks!), Matt will be 18 two days after that, and Lindsay will be 12 in October. Holy crap, I'm feeling old! I'm pretty sure I'm not mature enough to have a 20 year old son.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
What Happend To The Weekend? Or, What Was I Thinking?
It is sooo hard to be motivated to be anything but a slug when the whole weekend was filled with chaos and craziness. Anyone else ever feel like that? I do, all the time.
Just as soon as things drop 10 levels of insane at work, and my home life explodes with self-inflicted busyness. I offered to do a tax return for a friend and it took around eight hours to finish because there was some bookkeeping involved. She was in town for a while and I hadn't seen her in almost three years. It was a really nice visit and the return wasn't so bad, but that was only the beginning.
The weekend started on Friday at noon when I got off work. I had decided to make a 'quick' stop at the grocery store and figure out what to make her for lunch/dinner since people have to eat and I love to cook. My imagination never kicked in and after 45 minutes I finally checked out with the makings of a dipping party - an awesome nacho cheese dip, potato chips and french onion dip, salsa, guacamole, and the bread for some dips I'd pick up at my favorite S*uper S*ppers location. Matt gets off early on Friday's so I headed from the grocery store to the high school. I was on a schedule - my friend May was due in town any minute and she'd be over at my house soon! I was about a hundred feet from the entrance to the parking lot at the high school when one of my front tires went flat. These kinds of things just have no respect for schedules. I don't know about you, but I just don't include tire changes in my job description; I carry roadside insurance for just such occasions. The only problem is that the guy that came to change my tire didn't get that I had a schedule either. And then the spare tire was almost flat as was the tire on the other side... So basically, screw the schedule.
We got home at around three in the afternoon and May wasn't waiting for me, she called around five and said she'd be there by six but nine o'clock rolled around before she parked in front of my house. I wasn't angry. May has just started a dog rescue and she was dropping dogs that had been destined for death off with various no-kill shelters.
Previously a draft 2/9/10 - worth publishing 1/1/11
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Life and Times
See how well that regular posting thing turned out. Yeah, that's why I didn't make any promises to myself.
I'm in two classes right now, one online (Adult Spirituality), the other in the classroom (The Family). The Family is primarily a sociology class so I'm not used to just looking at the statistics and saying, "Well that's interesting." I'm more interested in why something is happening not just that it happened. That being said, it's an easy class. I do the reading and writing the night before and then attend class the next evening. The instructor lectures for almost the whole time, rarely stopping for anyone to add anything constructive. No biggie.
Adult Spirituality, on the other hand, is one that makes me dig deep. Not that I thought it was going to be easy, but WOW! I'm dedicating two days a week to that class and I'd bet it would be easier if I'd spend four days doing the reading and posting. I just don't seem to have that much time right now.
Work is getting lighter now. I'm nearly done with prepping the books for the accountant. Today my boss said it was no big deal if we waited until next week to finish everything up. Talk about a big sigh of relief. Now I can deal with other pressing matters, like renewing our Cost Containment Certification which I haven't had to do for the past three years and is due in just a few days.
While my work load at my job may be lightening up, tax season for individuals is about to ramp up. For the last several years I've helped out friends here and there with their taxes. I've always done it as a favor or out of friendship in the past but this year the cost of the program and my dwindling time are requiring me to charge a small fee. I've already got two returns lined up, besides ours and Jake's.
My hubby lost his job due to lack of work last week. We were kind of expecting it, so it wasn't a shock. Thankfully he should get unemployment and that will fill the void until he can find something suitable. This whole situation kind of leaves me stunned in another way though. Every time some sort of financial crisis has threatened to befall us, I lose my mind. I stress out; I cry; I make others around me miserable and worsen the impact on my family. This time I'm pretty calm about it. I know that we'll be okay, we've been through worse. Maybe I'm just growing up. I guess you can still do that in your 30's, right?
I got some good news when I was leaving campus tonight. I've been looking at grad programs at several different universities for nearly a year now. Ideally I'd like to attend Regis in their Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology but they only offer the program in Denver and Broomfield and I'm just not willing to drive an hour once a week to sit in class for four hours in the evening. It would be torture. I know five people, maybe six, who would like to attend the same program but the drive is just a deal breaker. Tonight I was told by the night manager that the Fort Collins campus had been contacted by the program in Denver asking if they had some specific technology that the program requires. It's possible that they're already looking at bringing the program up here and I was given contact information and guidance on convincing them that it was a good idea.
So, YEA! Things are looking up. Busy season is ending at work, grad school may be possible with the school I'm interested in, and we won't be living in our car due to the job loss.
I'm in two classes right now, one online (Adult Spirituality), the other in the classroom (The Family). The Family is primarily a sociology class so I'm not used to just looking at the statistics and saying, "Well that's interesting." I'm more interested in why something is happening not just that it happened. That being said, it's an easy class. I do the reading and writing the night before and then attend class the next evening. The instructor lectures for almost the whole time, rarely stopping for anyone to add anything constructive. No biggie.
Adult Spirituality, on the other hand, is one that makes me dig deep. Not that I thought it was going to be easy, but WOW! I'm dedicating two days a week to that class and I'd bet it would be easier if I'd spend four days doing the reading and posting. I just don't seem to have that much time right now.
Work is getting lighter now. I'm nearly done with prepping the books for the accountant. Today my boss said it was no big deal if we waited until next week to finish everything up. Talk about a big sigh of relief. Now I can deal with other pressing matters, like renewing our Cost Containment Certification which I haven't had to do for the past three years and is due in just a few days.
While my work load at my job may be lightening up, tax season for individuals is about to ramp up. For the last several years I've helped out friends here and there with their taxes. I've always done it as a favor or out of friendship in the past but this year the cost of the program and my dwindling time are requiring me to charge a small fee. I've already got two returns lined up, besides ours and Jake's.
My hubby lost his job due to lack of work last week. We were kind of expecting it, so it wasn't a shock. Thankfully he should get unemployment and that will fill the void until he can find something suitable. This whole situation kind of leaves me stunned in another way though. Every time some sort of financial crisis has threatened to befall us, I lose my mind. I stress out; I cry; I make others around me miserable and worsen the impact on my family. This time I'm pretty calm about it. I know that we'll be okay, we've been through worse. Maybe I'm just growing up. I guess you can still do that in your 30's, right?
I got some good news when I was leaving campus tonight. I've been looking at grad programs at several different universities for nearly a year now. Ideally I'd like to attend Regis in their Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology but they only offer the program in Denver and Broomfield and I'm just not willing to drive an hour once a week to sit in class for four hours in the evening. It would be torture. I know five people, maybe six, who would like to attend the same program but the drive is just a deal breaker. Tonight I was told by the night manager that the Fort Collins campus had been contacted by the program in Denver asking if they had some specific technology that the program requires. It's possible that they're already looking at bringing the program up here and I was given contact information and guidance on convincing them that it was a good idea.
So, YEA! Things are looking up. Busy season is ending at work, grad school may be possible with the school I'm interested in, and we won't be living in our car due to the job loss.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
For You.... You know who you are!
It's been almost seven months to the day since I've posted. But you knew that already, right?
I won't cover everything that happened in the time since I disappeared, it's just too much. Some happy, some horrible - lets just say that life happens. I won't promise I'll post regularly either.
Well, here goes...
Merry Christmas! Ours was pretty good. I threw a party for the in-laws. There were 30 people and it was great. It was also a lot more work than I thought it would be however, if I do it again next year, I'll know what to expect and how to pull it off without as much stress.
My family celebrated at my mothers on Christmas Eve. My brothers and their wife/girlfriend (respectively) along with their children and my husband and kids all chipped in and bought my parents a new LCD television and my younger brother built a custom entertainment center. It was great. My parents hadn't bought a new television since the late '80's!
On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day my family was all together under the same roof. This is a big deal because Jake, the oldest, moved out of our home into an apartment in October. I miss him a lot but the quiet that replaced him is pretty nice too. You know I love you honey!
The kids left to go to the in-laws cabin up near Walden on Christmas Night, leaving my hubby and I alone for the weekend. We truly had no idea what to do with ourselves.
We have one last holiday gathering to attend. The annual New Year's Eve party held by our dear friends. I will certainly need it after the final three work days of the year have beaten me to a pulp.
I won't cover everything that happened in the time since I disappeared, it's just too much. Some happy, some horrible - lets just say that life happens. I won't promise I'll post regularly either.
Well, here goes...
Merry Christmas! Ours was pretty good. I threw a party for the in-laws. There were 30 people and it was great. It was also a lot more work than I thought it would be however, if I do it again next year, I'll know what to expect and how to pull it off without as much stress.
My family celebrated at my mothers on Christmas Eve. My brothers and their wife/girlfriend (respectively) along with their children and my husband and kids all chipped in and bought my parents a new LCD television and my younger brother built a custom entertainment center. It was great. My parents hadn't bought a new television since the late '80's!
On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day my family was all together under the same roof. This is a big deal because Jake, the oldest, moved out of our home into an apartment in October. I miss him a lot but the quiet that replaced him is pretty nice too. You know I love you honey!
The kids left to go to the in-laws cabin up near Walden on Christmas Night, leaving my hubby and I alone for the weekend. We truly had no idea what to do with ourselves.
We have one last holiday gathering to attend. The annual New Year's Eve party held by our dear friends. I will certainly need it after the final three work days of the year have beaten me to a pulp.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Out of the Will
It's no secret that I don't like my mother-in-law's. I've said as much before. But MIL-1 is now officially out of the will. She's screwed up one too many times and I just can't ever forgive her.
Jakegraduated from high school last Saturday. We sent announcements/invitations to family and friends, just like normal people do. We weren't asking for gifts or money, we were just letting people know and sending them a picture. Nearly everyone came to the party, and those that didn't sent a card or called to congratulate him.
MIL-1? She didn't do a thing. She didn't call. She didn't send a card. She didn't show up. She didn't even send a text message, which is her standard these days. She's ignored my kids for years, only paying attention to them when it was convenient for her. My family is done being convenient.
I've been saying it for a long time, we need to be done with her. Jakes graduation invitation was the last invitation I will ever send.
Good riddance.
On a happier note...
It took me 20 years but I finally got approval from my FIL. What is it with me and the in-laws? I was standing there at the graduation talking to him about the graduation ceremony and party going on around us when he told me that Jake had gown up to be a fine young man and that we had done a great job with him. "And this is a great party, you did a good job."
That was it. Twenty years of approval wrapped up in that one little statement. But that's all it took for me.
Jakegraduated from high school last Saturday. We sent announcements/invitations to family and friends, just like normal people do. We weren't asking for gifts or money, we were just letting people know and sending them a picture. Nearly everyone came to the party, and those that didn't sent a card or called to congratulate him.
MIL-1? She didn't do a thing. She didn't call. She didn't send a card. She didn't show up. She didn't even send a text message, which is her standard these days. She's ignored my kids for years, only paying attention to them when it was convenient for her. My family is done being convenient.
I've been saying it for a long time, we need to be done with her. Jakes graduation invitation was the last invitation I will ever send.
Good riddance.
On a happier note...
It took me 20 years but I finally got approval from my FIL. What is it with me and the in-laws? I was standing there at the graduation talking to him about the graduation ceremony and party going on around us when he told me that Jake had gown up to be a fine young man and that we had done a great job with him. "And this is a great party, you did a good job."
That was it. Twenty years of approval wrapped up in that one little statement. But that's all it took for me.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
20 Years
Today is the 20th anniversary of Michael's death.
20 years ago today, I kissed my baby boys sweet little head and told the doctor it was okay to turn off the ventilator.
Thinking about that still brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could still smell his sweet babyness, cuddle his tiny little self.
After his heart stopped and relatives held him to say their goodbyes, we swaddled him in a blanket, handed his little body over to a nurse, and watched her walk down the hall and out of sight.
I haven't let that scene play in my head in a long time. A piece of my heart broke off and shriveled up in that moment.
Time certainly does not heal all wounds. It eases their severity. But the deep ones? It doesn't ever just go away.
20 years ago today, I kissed my baby boys sweet little head and told the doctor it was okay to turn off the ventilator.
Thinking about that still brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could still smell his sweet babyness, cuddle his tiny little self.
After his heart stopped and relatives held him to say their goodbyes, we swaddled him in a blanket, handed his little body over to a nurse, and watched her walk down the hall and out of sight.
I haven't let that scene play in my head in a long time. A piece of my heart broke off and shriveled up in that moment.
Time certainly does not heal all wounds. It eases their severity. But the deep ones? It doesn't ever just go away.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Fresh Heartbreak
The blogging world has experienced some young losses in the past weeks and it is heartbreaking. I don't know them, I never saw them on the street in passing, I didn't even read their mommy's blogs... It matters not; I ache for them.
And I think of him...
And I think of him...
Please keep the Spohr and Myers families in your thoughts and prayers.
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