It's time to start writing again....

Things have been crazy for so long and I haven't kept much of a record of it - except on Facebook and that's not great for journaling. I was surprised to see that I'd actually written something here in 2011, but not nearly enough.

Matt graduated from high school in May and we held a graduation/going away party at the beginning of June.  My wonderful friend hosted it at her home and it was amazing.  The following week, Matt spent time with his friends and had family time, culminating in a trip for 10 to the Denver Zoo on Sunday and a barbeque at our house that evening.  The Monday he was to leave - wow, it still brings a lump to my throat - we all woke up early and got ready to go to breakfast at 9:00.  We met his friends and my parents at IHOP, enjoying our last moments with him before he left.  At 10:30 we left and picked up a few last minute items at Walgreens, got some paperwork from the bank and went home.  When we got there, Matt went in his room and cried; the rest of did too.  I spoke to him in his room a few times and then Rob said he should get ready to go since his brother was supposed to have him to the recruiter's office at noon.  We all went outside and hugged him, crying.  When his brother drove him away, my daughter and I stood outside in the driveway wrapped around my husband and loudly sobbed for several minutes.

Fast forward through all of the pain and anguish of learning to live without him in our lives every day - two whole months (eye roll).  He didn't die but I had never really understood what it was to be cut off from one of my children, if only for a short time.  In August we went to Chicago to watch PIR (Pass In Review - Navy Boot Camp Graduation) and it was amazing to see him - and he LOOKED amazing too.  I said to Rob at breakfast that Saturday morning that he looked like he belonged in the uniform, like he'd waited his whole life to be big enough, mature enough, to wear it with pride.  My heart melted and I've never been more proud of him.

I started the Professional Counseling program at Colorado Christian University and I'm totally overwhelmed.  And…  I find myself smack dab in the middle of an "I don't give a sh*t" moment with a paper due in just under a week.  Not a good place.  I hope it's just a bad week or two.  If it isn't, I'm going to have to consider taking a year off school.  I just can't be in school under this amount of pressure for an extended length of time.  I could have a stroke.  Just kidding….  Maybe not.

Ramblings of a Crazy Person

I just realized that my mothers birthday is tomorrow. She'll be… well, that's not important. She bought herself a Nook two weeks ago so I think I'll get her a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble.
My life has become a pressure cooker. Between planning Matt's graduation/going away party and trying to figure out how to get to Chicago in August, being on the board of the rescue, fostering dogs, stressing over how to pay for prom tickets and Lindsay's growing distaste for soccer, I thought I was overwhelmed… And then Jake started talking about joining the Reserves. We talked about it a couple of times and he was going back and forth between the Army and Navy. Tuesday night he called me up and said he'd made a decision. He has decided to go into the Navy, but there's a catch… he's going active rather than reserves. That means that both of my boys will be gone for four years, at the same time. We likely won't have them back here together for all of that time. I'm not doing well, but I have to be supportive.
A friend of mine sent me a text last night asking if I was doing okay. She's not very attentive… that's the nice way of saying that the friendship is hit and miss. She'd seen all my posts on facebook about the boys breaking my heart and decided that she'd ask me how I was doing… in a text. I'm just not from that generation. I don't think that a text is good conversation and I decided I didn't want to deal with her so I just said I was fine and left it at that. At least she doesn't have to feel bad about not being a good friend. I let her off the hook.
Graduate school starts August 22. Oh, I didn't mention… I got into the program! Very cool. Anyway, I'm hoping that I'm not so stressed by the time I start school again. We'll be going to Chicago, Great Lakes actually, for PIR from the Navy RTC at the end of the second week of August for Matt. We'll go back sometime in September or October for Jake. We decided that it will be cheaper to rent a car and drive than to fly. It will take 15 hours, plus stops, so I think we'll plan to start at night when Lindsay can crash for a lot of it. Maybe I'll have to put a bunch of movies on my computer for her to watch.
I suppose that I should post a menu or two. I love being able to keep track of them here but I haven't been posting. I'll have to go back and find all the little pieces of paper I scribbled dinners down on.
Anyway, tonight is the night Matt, Lindsay and I have dinner together. Rob is out playing darts so the kids and I can have whatever we want for dinner without Rob refusing to eat. He's picky and he makes me crazy sometimes. Lindsay is picky too, but I just make her try it and ignore the complaints. Tonight we're having Stouffers Macaroni and Cheese. I found the box in the freezer this morning and thought all day about how good it would taste. Alongside that rich, gooey mac n cheese, I'm serving broccoli. And that will be dinner. Yum.
So menu's will have to wait. I'll hunt them down and post them when I can.

SNOW DAY... Or should I say, It's-too-freaking-cold-to-keep-the-buses-running-Day!

It's cold here in Northern Colorado.  So cold that the school district didn't know if they could get the buses started in the morning, therefore stranding kids in below zero weather while waiting for the bus.  They also don't want kids walking to school when the windchill is -24, our predicted morning weather.  I really hate cold weather.

On the bright side, I survived January, finished my last class at Grand Canyon University, finished my application to Colorado Christian University, and have a general feeling of contentment with the choices I have made for my life in the recent past. 

I have been really busy these past several weeks with so many different.  I've written a press release, guidelines for foster homes, reviewed a 501(c)(3) narrative, attended a board meeting, updated my resume, wrote my admissions essay and have the books at work nearly done.  I should be able to send them to the accountant tomorrow - if I don't decide to take the day off work and stay home with the kids watching movies and drinking hot chocolate while staying warm under a blanket on the couch.

My husbands grandfather had surgery six days ago to remove his gallbladder.  The day after the surgery he experienced severe chest pain and was transferred to the cardiac ward where he has been ever since.  He is slightly disconnected with reality and confused due to the pain medications and the doctors haven't been able to give the family a prognosis.  To complicate matters more, he broke his shoulder at the family Christmas party and didn't tell anyone because he was embarrassed...  an 87 year old man, playing basket ball with his 11 year old great-granddaughter fell and broke his shoulder.  I'm not sure what he was embarrassed about.  He told his wife two weeks later when he couldn't stand the pain any longer.  They had finally scheduled surgery on his shoulder when he had to have emergency surgery on his gallbladder.  The situation doesn't look good.  Losing grandparents isn't easy, yet it is a fact of life.  I've lost both of mine - one six years ago, the other this last December.  I haven't even begun to process my own loss; now I have to be there for my husband and children.

So life goes along at its own pace, throwing in the curves along with the easy rides.  Maybe I will call in tomorrow and take a break.

Second Week of January Hell

As far as my personal life, last week went as smooth as silk.  Evenings were relaxed and dinner was a breeze.  I didn't know what to do with myself when I came home to slow cooker dinners.  I had so much more time on my hands that I had no need to try and stay awake until midnight - I was in bed by 9 every night and asleep before 10.  Amazing.

Work, on the other hand, was awful.  I hope I survive this month.  I'm convinced that I will be actively looking for a job at the beginning of February.  Sigh...

So my plan for this week is...

• Potato Soup with bacon, sharp cheddar and bread or toast.
• Taco Soup with cheesy tortillas.
• Broccoli Beef with rice and egg rolls.
• Stuffed pasta shells in marinara sauce with green beans.
• Chili with all the fixin's. (can make this in the slow cooker)
• Chicken (or Turkey) Divan with rice.  (another slow cooker dinner)
• Pot Roast with baby bakers, carrots and biscuits. (slow cooker definite)

I feel a little bad that we're having soup twice this week and Rob doesn't have darts until next week, but I'm really in the mood for soup and they're cheap, easy, filling meals, great for this cold weather.  I had to be a little sparing with my food budget this week and this weeks groceries only cost me $36.  Score!  I shopped my freezers and pantry.

For breakfast this week we have cereal, oatmeal, whole grain apple muffins and mini pancakes.  I wish I'd bought some microwave sausage, but the kids will survive.  We've been getting out the door earlier this last week, a habit I hope we'll continue, so they even have time to eat breakfast at school if they didn't grab anything on the way out the door.

I'm prepared to pack Lindsay a lunch again this week.  I did it every day for about two months at the beginning of the school year and then I just couldn't do it any more.  I even tracked it every week on facebook.  This week, at least a couple of days, she'll be having soup (chicken tortilla or leftover taco) with crackers and cheese or leftovers from either the turkey divan or broccoli beef along with some ramen noodles and a side of hot sauce.  Strange child, she is.  Everything's got to have hot sauce to go along.

January and Other Horrors

Something about today - the last day of our holiday break - gave me the strength to face the coming month.  January is chaos at work, Thursday I start the last three weeks of my last class at Grand Canyon University, and I'm starting to feel as though I have some say in the direction of my marriage.

I have been struggling lately in my relationship...  I guess the right way to phrase that is that we have been struggling.  We're not communicating well, but we've never been great at it. I'm going to listen better, process what he says and then respond rather than react.  I think I just made a New Year's resolution.  I'm not comfortable with calling it that - I think I'll just make a vow to myself to try harder to be present in my relationship.

My relationship with the University I attend is a whole different animal.  That relationship is over.  Besides the administrative difficulties and instruction failures they have, the program I'm in is one of the worst to try to take online.  If you only have to show your degree/transcripts to work in a field, I'm sure online is great.  When you have to pass state boards and really know the subject inside and out...  well, lets just say that I've spent almost $6,000 on classes and don't know much more than the day I started.  I need to be in a classroom, talking with people, practicing what I'm learning, and really absorbing it.  UoP is launching a program at the Westminster campus sometime in March and I'm going to transfer.  It will be tough to drive down to Denver once a week, leaving at 4:30 and getting home around 11pm, but it will be worth it.

Like every January for the last 12 years, I'm about to head into hell at work.  Closing up the books for the previous tax year always takes every last bit of energy I have.  Hopefully I can ease into it; my boss is leaving for a conference on Wednesday afternoon and will be gone the rest of the week.  I keep telling myself that this is the last January I'll have to do at this job.  I'm crossing my fingers that I can get my act together and find another job before the end of the year.  After all, I'm in a field I've been tired of for at least 10 years.

Cooking Makes Me Happy

And so does meal planning.  If I plan what I'm going to make during the week, I have the ingredients I need and there are no last minute shopping trips, which cost more money than they should.  I truly hate going to the grocery store when I get off work.

I rarely decide what day I'm going to make something; it's too restrictive for me, especially when I forget to thaw something - I feel like I'm falling behind.  The definite exception is soup.  Rob doesn't like soup so during dart season, I plan soup dinners for Lindsay, Matt and myself on Thursdays when he plays. 

So this is my list for the week of January 2 - 8, 2011.

• Green Chili Chicken Enchiladas
• Macaroni and Cheese Casserole (Kraft, tuna, mushroom soup and peas - simple and comforting)
• Rotisserie Chicken Tacos
• Puff Pastry Pizza with pepperoni, green peppers, mushrooms
• Crock Pot Lasagna with salad and french bread
• Crock Pot Beef Stroganoff with green beans and garlic bread
• Breakfast for Dinner - Waffles, eggs and bacon.  The waffle maker I got for Christmas is amazing.

It took me about an hour of reading recipes and looking at past meal plans while drinking coffee, watching television and playing with our foster dog to come up with this plan and write the shopping list.  Now, if I can only fit all of these ingredients in our refrigerator and freezers. 

We have a lot of random leftovers from the holidays.  There are three half-gallons of eggnog, orange juice, ice in the deep freeze (great for using to shake up a Cosmo), artichoke dip, rolls, and random half-packages of Schwans frozen food.  I also have frozen turkey in the deep freeze but I don't want to use it all up right away.  We had turkey pot pie with with garlic parmesan cream sauce.  I'd post the recipe but I really do suck at writing them.

2010 in Review

2010 was interesting.  I received my undergrad degree, started graduate school, decided I hated my job enough to actually consider moving on, decided I had made a horrible choice in colleges, my son enlisted in the Navy, my grandfather died, and so many marital problems...  the last few moments of 2010 summed up the whole year.  Miserable.

 

Other items of note:

• I had 8 posts here in 2010.  What kind of awful is that?!  When I first started this blog I loved writing here; I loved being able to put my thoughts somewhere.  Now I tell myself I'm too busy or that I don't have the energy.  I think the real reason is that I don't want to see how awful I felt about my life. 
• I started fostering dogs in 2010 and the one we have right now had puppies on December 13.  Seven were born, three have survived to date.
• I realized that, after years of not buying myself new clothes, I have one pair of jeans, one pair of casual work slacks and one pair of nice work slacks.  I have several nice summer blouses but almost nothing for winter. 
• I have two four-year old pajama pants, both of which have holes in them.  I asked for new ones for Christmas but Rob was being an ass and decided I should have a bathrobe instead.  Not the same thing and not nearly as useful. 
• I received two broken Christmas presents.  That pretty much sums up my year.
• I spent a Christmas gift card on groceries - just because.
• I discovered that lime vodka makes amazing Cosmopolitans.
• Three or four of these Cosmo's (drunk one right after the other) will make me go right to sleep.  I think that makes them cheaper than most over the counter sleep aids.
• Letting your family know that you aren't happy doesn't generally yield any results.  There needs to be yelling or something equally jarring in order to remove their heads from their various electronic devices.

This list could go on and on but it's just whining. 

Random Crap - Again

I joined a group called Navy Mom Connection and talked with someone from there tonight.  It feels so weird - and it's heartbreaking - to be thinking about when Matt leaves and begins a life that doesn't include us.  Not that I thought he would be mine his whole life.  One day he'll just leave and he won't be home for months, as in many.  And this won't be his home anymore.  His home will be wherever the Navy sends him.

The transition will be so quick in fact, that his sister will move into his room when he leaves for RTC because he won't be back.  We will see him (hopefully) eight weeks later for (again, hopefully) a few days after graduation and then he'll leave for A School in Florida.

How do military moms - parents - handle this transition?  I think about this all the time now.  I know that parents have been doing this for decades, I just wonder how I will handle it.

All the crap that life has shoveled my way...

I haven't stuck with a meal plan in a long time.  I wrote up seven days worth of meals, put together a shopping list, checked the cupboards, and headed out to the grocery store.  Seven meals, plus breakfast and a few lunch items, added up to about $170.  Damn!

• Spicy Shredded Beef with potato salad
• Enchilada Casserole and salad
• Easy Crock Pot Chicken with long grain and wild rice
• Macaroni and Cheese Casserole (comfort food at its best)
• Hot Brown with tomato and asparagus (first time I've ever made this)
• Chicken Piccata with salad and marinated mushroom/Havarti/artichoke appetizers
• Steak and Gravy, Crock Pot style with mashed potatoes

I'm taking Matt to the recruiter's for his first briefing.  I don't know if I'm allowed to stay, but I thought I'd go so that I could get some information.  Worst case scenario, I head over to Barnes and Noble and do some homework or read to escape reality.  Better than drinking escape reality, right?  Okay, I tried that too - but it didn't work.

I went on the NavyforMoms.com site and some woman actually said to another worried mom whose son was in his second or third week of boot to 'calm down and get over yourself.'  That's what they call support?  I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.

I'm feeling a bit stupid right now.  I can't figure out how to allow URL links in comments.  Does anyone know how to make this change in Blogger?  I've looked at the comments options but I can't figure it out.  Is it even possible in Blogger?  I'm wondering if I shouldn't migrate this blog to the one I have over at Wordpress that's been dead for a year and a half.

Things are about to change...

My son enlisted in the Navy yesterday.  I never imagined this for one of my kids.

Pepsi Refresh Project - A Soft Place To Land, Inc.

Update - 1/1/11
It looks as though we've finally landed in not only the top 10, but FIRST PLACE!  We'll receive notification from Pepsi on Monday the 3rd.  I'm so excited to be a part of this group and make this a rescue a success.

I'm on the board of a very small, very new dog rescue.  This group of women save dogs from being euthanized when they are considered useless by puppy mills.  They, we, provide them with safe and comfortable homes where they are socialized and shown that people are kind, spay or neuter them, and then place them for adoption.

A Soft Place To Land, Inc. is competing in the Pepsi Refresh Project for a $25,000 grant to pay for the 501(c3) (non-profit status), PACFA (Pet Animal Care Facilities Act) application, veterinarian costs, and so much more.  This is a very worthy cause and I ask you to check them out and vote every day.  Voting ends October 31 and we need to be in the top 10 in order to receive the grant.

I've included a link to the right to vote for us.  You may also vote by texting* 102827 to Pepsi (73774).

*Standard text messaging rates apply.

Random Crap

Yeah, okay...  I may have to revert to posting weekly menus in order to post something here.  It's probably only interesting to me but that's okay. 

- Easy Chicken Enchiladas, rice, beans
- Meatloaf, baby baker potatoes, green beans
- Canadian bacon with apples and onions, sweet potato mash
- Taco's
- Mac N Cheese with Chicken
- Spaghetti and meatballs
- Some sort of soup

I've finished up my Counseling Theories class - or will on Wednesday.  This one was a killer and I'm hoping that things get easier rather than harder.  I've asked a friend to let me know if she hears anything about Time or Stress Management workshops in the area; I really need help in that aspect. My next class is Dual Disorders, focusing on - I believe - psychological disorders and alcohol or drug abuse.  So much fun.

Homecoming week is upon us.  All week long Matt's high school will be having activities for homecoming - the three biggest are a huge bonfire on Thursday night, the football game on Friday and dance on Saturday.  I think all the kids really love this week just because the district tries to make it fun.  Matt will have his senior pictures done on October 3.  I'm not doing them like I did for Jake.  Matt mowed a photographer's lawn this summer in exchange for his pictures.  I'm sure they'll be a lot better than mine.

And on my final note of randomness - completely outdoing myself for making the least sense ever and having no point whatsoever - I'm reading a great series these days... The Hallows Series (Rachel Morgan) by Kim Harrison.  This series of books can be described as paranormal murder-mystery romance - otherwise known as vampire smut.  Oh, dear Lord.  It's brain candy at its best, and I swore I'd never read anything like Twilight (still won't read that, by the way).

I'll wrap this up with a link to a blogger-friend of mine - I think the sentiment is appropriate these days.

New Friends

I used to think I had a hard time making friends but I don't really think that's the case. I'm picky. I like people who are moms, who have lives that are just as crazy as mine, and who don't really have time to spend on their friends. That's what makes it difficult. The last woman I met whom I liked, works a full time job, has two little girls, goes to school part time, and is married to a man that is a full time student. Wow. And I thought I was busy.

Rob met her husband a year ago. They became friends at school and wanted to get the two families together. I balked. I don't like meeting new people; it's awkward and a lot of the time, the other families we've met are too different or... out of our league? He tried to arrange a picnic last summer, a barbecue, a day at the lake - he was relentless. I said no. I was under a lot of pressure with my senior capstone, finishing up my degree, surviving a job that I can't stand, my oldest son was graduating and starting his own life. I made all the excuses I could think of.

At the beginning of this summer, my husband started talking about getting together with this other family again. This time he said he wasn't taking no for an answer. I finally (and literally) threw up my hands and said, "Fine, lets plan to meet them at the lake and barbecue." I picked the date and he made all the plans. My job was to show up. And I did. And I really enjoyed myself. It took a little while for the ice to break, and when it did, this amazing woman and I sat talking about everything and nothing for hours. Our kids played and fished, husbands talked and talked (and fished a little), and this woman and I talked - endlessly. I was sad when the day came to an end. I was also exhausted and burned and dragging a complaining 11 year-old home.

I had enjoyed myself so much that day, I told my husband that we had to do it again - soon! We went to the New West Fest, spending the day walking around, feeding our kids 'fair food' and listening to the free concerts. This year the Fest had margaritas at their Brewfest section, so when we were done walking around and doing everything, we sent out kids with our husbands to ride all the crazy, expensive rides, and the moms? Well, we bought margaritas, picked out a spot on the grass and talked for as much time as we could get. I really liked her. We decided to exchange phone numbers and befriended each other on Facebook.

I've talked to her on the phone twice now; always after her kids are in bed and mine are on their way. I can relate to her because she's raising a family, working and surviving school - not just surviving but excelling. It's nice to venture out of your comfort zone sometimes. You don't always meet people you can enjoy at soccer practices or the bleachers at football games. Sometimes it's good to let your husband set you up with someone - you never know what the rewards will be.

It's been forever!

My life got completely out of hand. First, I walked in commencement exercises with Regis University in December and then I actually was awarded my degree in March. I am the proud owner of a mint condition Bachelor of Science, Magna Cum Laude, Applied Psychology. MAGNA CUM LAUDE people!

Knowing my degree wasn't going to pay me enough to start repaying the staggering amount that I now owe to the Federal Loan Program, I was already on the ball. I applied to, and was accepted at, Grand Canyon University for a Master of Science, Professional Counseling degree. I started June 3. So far I have one "A" and am working on my second one. At this point though, I just want to pass. Having two children living at home with active social lives and sports schedules, balancing that with a part time job and being in graduate school... oh, yeah, I'm a wife too - now when do I get to have any time for me? I'm working on it.

Jake moved out last October. He graduated from high school, enrolled in college, found roommates and decided to jump ship. Can't blame him though; it was time for him to spread his wings and have his own life. It's quiet around here without him. Well, the quiet is a relative term. With a 'tween and a 17 year old in the house, there is plenty of noise, but Jake had this huge, loud personality. I miss him.

Jake is about to turn 20 (in less than two weeks!), Matt will be 18 two days after that, and Lindsay will be 12 in October. Holy crap, I'm feeling old! I'm pretty sure I'm not mature enough to have a 20 year old son.

What Happend To The Weekend? Or, What Was I Thinking?

It is sooo hard to be motivated to be anything but a slug when the whole weekend was filled with chaos and craziness. Anyone else ever feel like that? I do, all the time.

Just as soon as things drop 10 levels of insane at work, and my home life explodes with self-inflicted busyness. I offered to do a tax return for a friend and it took around eight hours to finish because there was some bookkeeping involved. She was in town for a while and I hadn't seen her in almost three years. It was a really nice visit and the return wasn't so bad, but that was only the beginning.

The weekend started on Friday at noon when I got off work. I had decided to make a 'quick' stop at the grocery store and figure out what to make her for lunch/dinner since people have to eat and I love to cook. My imagination never kicked in and after 45 minutes I finally checked out with the makings of a dipping party - an awesome nacho cheese dip, potato chips and french onion dip, salsa, guacamole, and the bread for some dips I'd pick up at my favorite S*uper S*ppers location. Matt gets off early on Friday's so I headed from the grocery store to the high school. I was on a schedule - my friend May was due in town any minute and she'd be over at my house soon! I was about a hundred feet from the entrance to the parking lot at the high school when one of my front tires went flat. These kinds of things just have no respect for schedules. I don't know about you, but I just don't include tire changes in my job description; I carry roadside insurance for just such occasions. The only problem is that the guy that came to change my tire didn't get that I had a schedule either. And then the spare tire was almost flat as was the tire on the other side... So basically, screw the schedule.

We got home at around three in the afternoon and May wasn't waiting for me, she called around five and said she'd be there by six but nine o'clock rolled around before she parked in front of my house. I wasn't angry. May has just started a dog rescue and she was dropping dogs that had been destined for death off with various no-kill shelters.

Previously a draft 2/9/10 - worth publishing 1/1/11

The Life and Times

See how well that regular posting thing turned out. Yeah, that's why I didn't make any promises to myself.

I'm in two classes right now, one online (Adult Spirituality), the other in the classroom (The Family). The Family is primarily a sociology class so I'm not used to just looking at the statistics and saying, "Well that's interesting." I'm more interested in why something is happening not just that it happened. That being said, it's an easy class. I do the reading and writing the night before and then attend class the next evening. The instructor lectures for almost the whole time, rarely stopping for anyone to add anything constructive. No biggie.

Adult Spirituality, on the other hand, is one that makes me dig deep. Not that I thought it was going to be easy, but WOW! I'm dedicating two days a week to that class and I'd bet it would be easier if I'd spend four days doing the reading and posting. I just don't seem to have that much time right now.

Work is getting lighter now. I'm nearly done with prepping the books for the accountant. Today my boss said it was no big deal if we waited until next week to finish everything up. Talk about a big sigh of relief. Now I can deal with other pressing matters, like renewing our Cost Containment Certification which I haven't had to do for the past three years and is due in just a few days.

While my work load at my job may be lightening up, tax season for individuals is about to ramp up. For the last several years I've helped out friends here and there with their taxes. I've always done it as a favor or out of friendship in the past but this year the cost of the program and my dwindling time are requiring me to charge a small fee. I've already got two returns lined up, besides ours and Jake's.

My hubby lost his job due to lack of work last week. We were kind of expecting it, so it wasn't a shock. Thankfully he should get unemployment and that will fill the void until he can find something suitable. This whole situation kind of leaves me stunned in another way though. Every time some sort of financial crisis has threatened to befall us, I lose my mind. I stress out; I cry; I make others around me miserable and worsen the impact on my family. This time I'm pretty calm about it. I know that we'll be okay, we've been through worse. Maybe I'm just growing up. I guess you can still do that in your 30's, right?

I got some good news when I was leaving campus tonight. I've been looking at grad programs at several different universities for nearly a year now. Ideally I'd like to attend Regis in their Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology but they only offer the program in Denver and Broomfield and I'm just not willing to drive an hour once a week to sit in class for four hours in the evening. It would be torture. I know five people, maybe six, who would like to attend the same program but the drive is just a deal breaker. Tonight I was told by the night manager that the Fort Collins campus had been contacted by the program in Denver asking if they had some specific technology that the program requires. It's possible that they're already looking at bringing the program up here and I was given contact information and guidance on convincing them that it was a good idea.

So, YEA! Things are looking up. Busy season is ending at work, grad school may be possible with the school I'm interested in, and we won't be living in our car due to the job loss.

For You.... You know who you are!

It's been almost seven months to the day since I've posted. But you knew that already, right?

I won't cover everything that happened in the time since I disappeared, it's just too much. Some happy, some horrible - lets just say that life happens. I won't promise I'll post regularly either.

Well, here goes...

Merry Christmas! Ours was pretty good. I threw a party for the in-laws. There were 30 people and it was great. It was also a lot more work than I thought it would be however, if I do it again next year, I'll know what to expect and how to pull it off without as much stress.

My family celebrated at my mothers on Christmas Eve. My brothers and their wife/girlfriend (respectively) along with their children and my husband and kids all chipped in and bought my parents a new LCD television and my younger brother built a custom entertainment center. It was great. My parents hadn't bought a new television since the late '80's!

On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day my family was all together under the same roof. This is a big deal because Jake, the oldest, moved out of our home into an apartment in October. I miss him a lot but the quiet that replaced him is pretty nice too. You know I love you honey!

The kids left to go to the in-laws cabin up near Walden on Christmas Night, leaving my hubby and I alone for the weekend. We truly had no idea what to do with ourselves.

We have one last holiday gathering to attend. The annual New Year's Eve party held by our dear friends. I will certainly need it after the final three work days of the year have beaten me to a pulp.

Out of the Will

It's no secret that I don't like my mother-in-law's. I've said as much before. But MIL-1 is now officially out of the will. She's screwed up one too many times and I just can't ever forgive her.

Jakegraduated from high school last Saturday. We sent announcements/invitations to family and friends, just like normal people do. We weren't asking for gifts or money, we were just letting people know and sending them a picture. Nearly everyone came to the party, and those that didn't sent a card or called to congratulate him.

MIL-1? She didn't do a thing. She didn't call. She didn't send a card. She didn't show up. She didn't even send a text message, which is her standard these days. She's ignored my kids for years, only paying attention to them when it was convenient for her. My family is done being convenient.

I've been saying it for a long time, we need to be done with her. Jakes graduation invitation was the last invitation I will ever send.

Good riddance.

On a happier note...

It took me 20 years but I finally got approval from my FIL. What is it with me and the in-laws? I was standing there at the graduation talking to him about the graduation ceremony and party going on around us when he told me that Jake had gown up to be a fine young man and that we had done a great job with him. "And this is a great party, you did a good job."

That was it. Twenty years of approval wrapped up in that one little statement. But that's all it took for me.

20 Years

Today is the 20th anniversary of Michael's death.

20 years ago today, I kissed my baby boys sweet little head and told the doctor it was okay to turn off the ventilator.

Thinking about that still brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could still smell his sweet babyness, cuddle his tiny little self.

After his heart stopped and relatives held him to say their goodbyes, we swaddled him in a blanket, handed his little body over to a nurse, and watched her walk down the hall and out of sight.

I haven't let that scene play in my head in a long time. A piece of my heart broke off and shriveled up in that moment.

Time certainly does not heal all wounds. It eases their severity. But the deep ones? It doesn't ever just go away.

Fresh Heartbreak

The blogging world has experienced some young losses in the past weeks and it is heartbreaking. I don't know them, I never saw them on the street in passing, I didn't even read their mommy's blogs... It matters not; I ache for them.

And I think of him...

Please keep the Spohr and Myers families in your thoughts and prayers.

I Could Be A Jewelry Girl...

I found it, for only $10 at Kohls!


So it's fake, but the real thing cost $300, so the decision was easy to make. It's perfect, but I've seen some other pearl necklaces that now I have a craving for a few more pieces.

Which Ring?

My friend LJ asked me what the fifth ring of hell was. I've been using that phrase for a couple of years and I honestly don't know where I came up with it. So I looked it up.

The urban dictionary says it's the hell reserved for:

1. Bad spellers
2. People who drink decaf coffee...

Tee hee hee...

It's also from Dante's Inferno:

"Wrath and Sullenness (7-8) Like the fourth circle of hell, the fifth circle--presented in Inferno 7 and 8--contains two related groups of sinners. But whereas avarice and prodigality are two distinct sins based on the same principle (an immoderate attitude toward material wealth), wrath and sullenness are basically two forms of a single sin: anger that is expressed (wrath) and anger that is repressed (sullenness). This idea that anger takes various forms is common in ancient and medieval thought. Note how the two groups suffer different punishments appropriate to their type of anger--the wrathful ruthlessly attacking one another and the sullen stewing below the surface of the muddy swamp (Inf. 7.109-26)--even though they are all confined to Styx." http://danteworlds.laits.utexas.edu/circle5.html

I'm not sure I quoted the right ring of hell... Maybe I did. I'll figure it out - now that I know where to find the descriptions of hell.

And how weird is that, since I don't really believe in hell...

Suckage

Can you say fifth ring of hell? Yeah, that's what the last two days have been like at work. When something fails that I'm in charge of, it's all my fault - and I can't even blame him for thinking that!

Let's just say that I was actually in fear for my job.

It was that bad.

And I feel a little better now but I've decided some time off work is in order. I'm arranging myself a long five-day weekend where no one will wake me up saying, "Mom! I'm going to be late, can you give me a ride?" Yeah, that's not in my plans. Sleeping in until 9 is in my plans, watching too many movies on the couch is in my plans, maybe even taking my youngest son and daughter to the tennis courts is in my plans.

But you know all about best laid plans, right?

Recession Indicators

Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil the "Light at the end of the Tunnel" has been turned off.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Speechless

This morning I told the hubby that I'd seen a necklace that I'd really like to have. I don't have much jewelry and I don't wear what I have too often. I'm just not a jewelry girl. But this necklace is really simple, classic and timeless. I told him that I didn't know what it would cost but that I was pretty sure it'd be pricey so I'd have to look for one that was 'fake'.

"No, you won't. If you like it that much you'll have to get the real thing."

...

Wow

Dinner Procrastination

I try to get dinner on the table between five and six every night but I swear, when I don't have a class to run off to, I just don't get it done in a reasonable amount of time. I make meal plans that include enough 'quick' recipes (whatever can be made, start to finish, in 20 minutes) and the rest are meals that take longer because we like it or it's yummy. Tonight is meatloaf and mac n cheese with cauliflower. It should have been nearly done by six but instead, it's 7:30 and we won't eat for another 15 minutes.

I guess the reason is that I'm rushed every other day, I want to relax and take my time. The reasoning is flawed. If I'd just made dinner the minute I walked in the door, even if it was time consuming, I'd still have all the time after dinner to veg-out. But there's no convincing a procrastinator.

The good news is that I'm done with my current training classes this weekend. The bad news? I have two classes starting next month. Two consecutive nights a week I'll be at school and have little time to get dinner going or even see my kids. Once I'm finished with the training I'm doing, I'll be volunteering six to ten, twelve-hour shifts a month. Hopefully that won't start until I'm done with my college classes for this semester.

I'd post this weeks meal plan, but I lost it. Guess it isn't doing me much good right now. Thankfully, I know what we're having tomorrow night. Jambalaya!

The Jar Is Bigger

Yesterday was Michael's 20th birthday. I started to wonder if I'd be calling him Mike by now, if he would have gone to college like we would have insisted, met someone special, what mistakes he would have made, how many hearts he would have broken or if his would have been broken. What if... That's how I torture myself.

But this year was easier. The jar is definitely bigger now.

Let me explain.

I had a class last night, a training with MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) and how they help their victims. The advocate said that someone had once explained their grief to her using the following analogy. Grief is like a ball. For arguments sake, lets say it's a tennis ball and the life of the person experiencing that grief is the size of a small relish jar - grief fills the jar, the life, and there's no room to move, nowhere to escape the presence of the grief. As time wears on, as some level of healing begins to occur, the jar gets bigger. The grief never gets smaller because it represents the person who is gone and that's exactly how much space they took up. So now my jar, my life, is a five gallon water jug. I have space to live; I'm not constantly bumping up against my grief.

I thought that was a really great analogy. Years ago I thought my grief was going to be a raw, infected, wound that I would always have. Not so much.

My life is different than it might have been. I accept that and move on. It doesn't mean I love him any less.

Could, would, should, might, if....

Groundhog Day - Six More Weeks of Winter?

Everyone in our house is taking turns getting sick. There's really no way around it either so I've just accepted that my turn will be here before I know it.

In my house, as I am sure it is in many others, I don't generally find myself in bed with tea and tissues when I'm sick. There are things that must be done and I'm the one who needs to do them. I don't however, go to work when I'm sick. My boss will just send me home. There's nothing worse than dragging yourself out of bed when you're sick, making yourself look presentable (or not on the verge of death), driving across town and getting to work on time only to be told that you're too sick to be there - go home, get in bed and get well... Now why didn't I think of that?

I'm not sick yet but I'm so worn down that it's only a matter of time. Meanwhile, I have daily headaches to keep me company. The migraine is looming, it's right around the corner too. Lovely.

I managed to make a list of meals for the coming week, and even 'shopped my pantry and freezer' before making the list. There's lots in there to make meals out of.

Meal Plan - February 1 - 7, 2009 (I still can't get over that it's 2009!)

• Skillet Shepherds Pie
• Drunken Chicken - calls for rum but I neither have nor like rum so I guess we're just having Chicken. A thinks that's pretty funny.
• Wild Chicken Skillet
• Hamburger Stroganoff In A Hurry
• Meatloaf and Stouffer's Mac N Cheese
• Jambalaya
• Frozen Pizza

The first four are from Desperation Dinners. Did I say? I love that cookbook.

Today is Groundhog Day and that little rodent has predicted that there are six more weeks of Winter left. Not that I actually believe it but seriously, wouldn't it be nice to think Spring was right around the corner? Right after we saw Phil make his proclamation this morning, Lindsay and I put in the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. I guess I have movies appropriate to nearly every holiday.

So the countdown begins, six weeks of Winter won't kill me since we haven't had anything nearly as catastrophic as the Midwest and their ice storms. We haven't even had snow for a week or two.

Our Meals

The month doesn't surprise. It's busy here as always, but at least it's not in a bad way. I began a series of classes last Monday, training for a volunteer position with the County that I've been interested in since October. For the next five weeks I'll be in classes for two hours Monday and Wednesday night and roughly seven hours on Saturday. Classes are draining, not only because of the hours but the topics as well. I'll save that for another time. I don't start school until the beginning of March so I won't be on overload for some time.

Last week I tried several new recipes.

Meal Plan - January 18 - 24

• Empanadas with Cheese Sauce
• Chicken Tostadas with Avocado Salsa
• Garlicky Potatoes and Sausage
• From Scratch Mac N Cheese with Cauliflower and Chicken Sausages
• Chicken Burrito Bake

We had two convenience food nights so I didn't make two of the dinners I'd planned; they have been moved to this coming week.

Meal Plan - January 25 - 31

• Potato Soup - I made this today, yum!
• Spaghetti Carbonara
• Chicken Fried Steak - still have not pulled these out of the deep-freeze!
• Buffalo Chicken Fingers
• Chicken In The Chips
• Chicken Tostadas with Avocado Salsa and Homemade Refried Black Beans - Encore!

The two cookbooks and website that are feeding us right now are Dinner Doctor, Desperation Dinners (my new addition) and Everyday with Rachael Ray. Without them we'd be eating Mac N Cheese out of a box and Hamburger Helper. Don't get me wrong, I like a box of the orange stuff every now and then and Hamburger Helper is quick but we've reached that point in our lives where we'd rather eat real food on a daily basis. I don't make everything from scratch mind you. My refried black beans are out of a can because that sort of planning doesn't really happen in my house. Half the main dish recipes in Desperation Dinners begin with frozen chicken or ground beef! That's my kind of cookbook.

I've also discovered my awesome stick blender again. Some time back my Magic Bullet died. It didn't actually die though - it broke. The little gear on top of the base - THAT'S MADE OUT OF SOME SORT OF ACRYLIC - broke. It was a very sad day here as we don't own a blender or food processor. Let's just say that I was angry as my previous Magic Bullet died/broke in the very same fashion and Homeland Housewares doesn't sell replacement parts. Any-who... the stick blender I got for Christmas last year has become very handy while I try to decide on the best product to replace my beloved bullet. You can stick that thing in soups, mash beans and potatoes, make smoothies and shakes - nearly any task that a blender can accomplish, a stick blender can do... except crush ice, don't try that. So while I obsess over which kitchen appliance I'll be dropping $100 on next, my $15 stick blender is chugging along making my kitchen existence tolerable.

Wow

Sleep Eludes Me

I'm supposed to be in bed, asleep. I've been hunched over a computer all day and felt like I needed an early bedtime but it's just not working out that way. I took a hot shower, got in bed, laid down, and knew I wouldn't be able to relax.

The hubby is still at work. He's working on a big conversion that was supposed to be done at three this afternoon but it failed around six tonight and he had to restart it. He probably won't be done until midnight. I don't sleep well when he's not in bed.

I've been working on getting the books ready for the accountant. I don't have everything I need yet so it's a slow process. I've got two months of IFTA done but I can't really even start December until one of our field guys gets back in town. It's so frustrating not having everything I need! I did lots of little things today, nothing special except acting as the HR manager. I've had several requests from employees to get information from the insurance company or help them make changes. I actually love that part of my job. I like helping them and getting their questions answered. I'll probably get my Bachelors and end up in the HR department of some company.

Well, I suppose it's time to resort to boring movies. I can't afford to be up all night.

Cookbooks - A Recipe for Stress Reduction

I can feel the stress closing in. And it's the weekend! Yesterday when I got up and began to make coffee I had that all too familiar lump in my throat. I had to consciously tell myself to relax, it's Saturday morning, there's nothing to be stressed out over. I was able to calm down and enjoy the day, but geeze, what is my deal?

To resolve that stress I unconsciously resort to soothing behaviors like reading cookbooks and finding yummy-sounding recipes. I didn't really have to do much work on this weeks meal plan because I came up with more than necessary last week.

Meal Plan January 11 - 17, 2009 (Can you believe it's 2009???)

• Tuna Casserole
• Chicken Fried Steak with mashed potatoes, gravy and corn
• Spaghetti Carbonara with coleslaw (because I forgot to make it last week)
• Beef Bourguignonne
• Two For One Noodles (the leftovers are the start for another meal)
• Mock Spinach and Ricotta Lasagna (maybe)
• From Scratch Mac N Cheese

And maybe...

• Corndog Muffins - a super-easy recipe for lazy evenings

I'm dying to get my hands on a new cookbook, Desperation Dinners. I tried to get it from the library but someone has taken off with it and not returned the darn thing. Grrrr! I did get a copy of Desperation Entertaining but it's just not the same. I'll have to go out and buy a copy as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Teen Torture

Oh, for the love of God! My sons are both back in Spanish 1 (don't ask) and IN THE SAME CLASS! They will no doubt torture the poor woman who teaches it, Mrs. H.

Matt joined Jake for the first time today and already they are making Mrs. H crazy. Matt was given a list of class expectations to bring home and have his dad or me sign but they filled it out and Jake signed it in the parent or guardian spot. Mrs. H tried to argue with them but decided it was was no use (smart move). Then Jake complained the whole period about how Matt was distracting him and bet Matt that he'd end up sitting front row center within a couple of weeks. After class, Jake told Mrs. H that she should move Matt to the front because that's where he needs to be - and she told him that she would.

Poor Matt never had a chance - and neither did Mrs. H.

This is the first - and will be the last - class that Jake and Matt have ever been in together. There's a reason for that.

Pushing My Kids

I have pushed my boys in many different things from schoolwork to sports to playing an instrument and I think pushing your kids to do their best, to be involved and to try new things is good for them and makes them better people.

When the boys started playing football in 7th grade neither one of them did well at first. Jake had a hard time with the discipline and Matt had trouble with all of it. We wouldn't allow them to quit in the middle of the season, they started and they were going to finish, like it or not. Jake found his groove at the beginning of the 8th grade football season and soon was playing both sides of the ball, a much needed and talented player. Matt decided to try it for another season when he began 8th grade but the second round was no better than the first, again he wanted to quit but he'd started and was going to finish. Now both of our boys are great players, are dedicated to football even in the off season, and they appreciate the pushing we did in junior high. They love football.

A similar thing happened when they began playing in the band although Jake had more fun than Matt did. Jake played the trombone for three years and even played in the Jazz Band. Matt on the other hand couldn't settle on an instrument and played the trumpet in 7th and the French Horn in 8th. He decided he didn't want to play in band during his 9th grade year and against my better judgement, let him out of band when he signed up for classes in the middle of 8th grade. By the end of that school year he regretted his decision but they couldn't fit him into a band class for the next year. I learned my lesson: trust your instincts, if you make them finish something, they will appreciate it.

Now that Lindsay is in soccer we've had our battles. She doesn't like the run at the beginning of practices or she may not want to go if she's had a bad day. We ask her months before the season begins if she wants to play again, we talk about soccer as the season draws near, and we make sure she's excited rather than dreading the practices and games. When she gets tired of it mid-season, we remind her that it was her choice to play and that she must finish what she started. At the end of every season she appreciates it.

I'm of the mindset that children need pushing. They should finish what they start and they should be well rounded. Our children know that they have to take two years of a language, play in band through junior high, and be involved in some sport or athletic activity throughout junior high and high school - and keep up their grades of course. I believe in being well rounded and I am making sure that my children are pushed to do the things that I never was not because I'm trying to live vicariously through them, but because I think that if I am capable of providing them with these experiences, I should. They are better for it and won't look back on what they did and be angry with me for not letting them quit.

Meal Plan - Again

I'm trying a few new things this week but there are also old standbys coming. Jake told me not to long ago that I make like eight things really well and I should just stick with that... Wow, I thought I was a better cook than that, and I said as much. He said I rotate the same stuff all the time, not that I'm a bad cook. Thanks.

Meal Plan for January 4 - 10

• Chicken strips and fries
• Tuna Casserole - haven't made this in years.
• Meaty Ziti (but with Penne instead - I just like the name) and spinach salad
• Chicken Fried Steak with mashed potatoes and corn
• Philly Cheesesteak Casserole
• Spaghetti Carbonara
• Black Bean and Veggie Stack with coleslaw and rice
• Tortilla Espanola and salad
• Beef Bourguignonne

This should actually take us through the 12th of January or longer if I sub in a frozen pizza or other convenience food. Now I just have to finish putting together the shopping list for tomorrow.

The boys are back!

They got back from the mountains an hour or so ago and Jake already took his shower and left. Matt is now showered and ready to leave as well. Boy, we just don't rate anymore. They are both trying to fit in one last bit of fun before they go back to school. I guess that's fair.

Another Break

I took another unplanned break from my blog. I've thought every day about writing but either never got around to it or couldn't write a coherent sentence to save my life. Anyway, I'm back and hope I can keep going steady through the year... that's not a resolution though. Tee hee hee

As far as resolutions go, I don't like them. I said as much last year but I made some goals for myself. I said I would think positively and I did. Not every thought I had was positive, but I worked on sending out positive energy and thinking in a more affirmative rather than negative way. I feel as though I made progress and I'm going to continue to work on that way of thinking this year... last night I even picked up The Secret, a book I got last January. Yeah, took me a year to read even a single page. I continue to amaze me.

I also resolved last year to be more financially responsible. I kept track of our bank accounts better and paid only one overdraft fee all year - an unfortunate math error was to blame. I hate math. While we're not really better off financially this year, we did a better job all around in paying bills and managing money so that when my Christmas bonus came it didn't get spent on catching up on bills like it normally is. It was a good year. Maybe I'll have to work on a post recapping the good things in 2008.

As I'm sure I've said before, I'm a cookbook addict. I read them for fun, to de-stress, to research new ideas, to fall asleep - yeah, weird. I rarely make a recipe the way it's written; I tailor it to my family's tastes, MY tastes mostly. Anyway, I was perusing Allrecipes.com tonight and stumbled upon a recipe for cilantro lime rice. I love rice, I love lime, I HATE cilantro. I don't know why, it just tastes awful to me, kind of a tin foil taste maybe? Oh, and if I take a bite of something with too much in it (and don't immediately spit it out) my lips go numb. I googled substitutes for cilantro since making lime-rice just doesn't sound appealing. Turns out that lots of people hate cilantro and it either tastes like biting foil/pennies or soap. Wow, who knew? I'm not alone - not even in the lip numbing category! So if you hate cilantro like me, a good substitute (that I can't swear by because I haven't tried it) is a mixture of parsley and celery leaves, and maybe even a bit of mint as well.

Speaking of cookbooks, when I was 17 I bought a cookbook called Where's Mom Now That I Need Her. A friend of mine had one that her mother had bought her and I just had to have it. A month ago my boys asked me separately if they could have my copy when they moved out. My answer, "No, that's my cookbook but I'd be happy to buy it and give you all my recipes too." The day after Christmas we went to the mall to exchange the Crocs Mammoths (in grape and black) we bought Lindsay and discovered that the bookstore that's been there forever is closing and everything was 40% off. And they had one copy of that cookbook - a new release that's been updated since I bought mine almost 20 years ago. I've been looking through cookbooks for easy recipes to add since then.

On to family news. We had a great Christmas. We went to my mothers house with my brothers and their families. We haven't all been at my mom's house for Christmas at the same time in 25 years! I cooked so much in the last three weeks I could feed an army, and I still have tons of food left. Last year I was recovering from surgery and lost 12 pounds between Thanksgiving and New Years. This year not so much. I made chili and zuppa toscana for the in-law's family Christmas party, tons of snack food for Christmas Eve, mini quiches and hash-brown casserole for Christmas morning, took a ham AND turkey to Mom's house on Christmas Day, cranberry-barbecue meatballs, artichoke dip, and buffalo chicken dip for the New Year's Eve party. Seriously, tons of food there - and none of it good for us.

The boys went snowboarding at Steamboat the Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday before Christmas, at Winter Park the Sunday after, and are now at the cabin with my in-laws snowmobiling. They're really enjoying this break.

We went to a New Year's Eve party on Wednesday night. Same friends as last year but just us two couples, plus all the associated kids and their girlfriends. I think there were eleven kids total. The adults played Gin for hours, had a blast, and I was sober when I drove home at 3:45 in the morning. I didn't want to experience the same hangover as last year and the hubby was drinking. It's amazing how clear the roads are at that hour, and not a single sobriety checkpoint like I'd expected. I guess most parties ended earlier than ours did.

The kids all go back to school on Tuesday and the hubby goes back in just over two weeks. My classes don't start until March but I'll have two at the same time, no fun. Jake graduates at the end of May, the hubby has changed his degree so he'll be finished in a year and a half and I should graduate this coming December. We're going to be all graduated-out soon. We're moving forward with C graduation plans. We've found a nice place for the party and starting to work on the menu. Decorating, guest lists, invitations and all the other little details will be left to the last minute if I'm not careful. Lucky for me, I'll have the GF to help! Thanks hon.

Oral Boards, Meals and Movies

Nature's cruel joke... This is the snow we woke up to on Thursday morning.


And then we had SNOW! Honest to goodness snow fell Thursday night and we had 7.5" by sundown Friday. I got a couple of pictures of that too but this one was the only one that wasn't fuzzy. It's so dark but it was only 4:30 in the afternoon.

A while back, I applied for a volunteer position that requires quite a lengthy process to become 'hire-able'. I applied in October, passed the integrity interview in November, and have oral boards this week. I'm a little nervous because I have no idea what to expect. I would really like to do this work for the agency but I have to remember that I have no training and no direct education in the field, so if they turn me down, it is not the end of the world.

We have company coming on Saturday; family from Denver coming to drop off Christmas presents for the kids and spend some time with us. We haven't seen them for over a year, so I am really looking forward to it.

In preparation, I tried to give myself several options for lunch/dinner. Our meals for the week look something like this.

• Chicken enchiladas
• Taco casserole
• Spaghetti with 'pink' sauce
• Bacon and swiss quiche
• Orange chicken (didn't have this last week)
• Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole
• Chicken fried steak
• Hamburgers
• Frozen Pizza

I need to do some prep for this weeks meals tomorrow while I clean the house. I already browned ground beef for the spaghetti and I need to cook and shred chicken. I suppose I could also make the quiches and freeze them if I was feeling inclined.

We watched some movies this past week and I have a movie recommendation. We watched August Rush and it is a great movie. There were parts of it when my heart nearly melted, although I managed to keep dry eyes throughout the whole thing. It is family friendly and the music is beautiful.

We also watched Iron Man last week. I really liked it. When it came in from Netflix, I didn't want to see it. I was in and out of the living room while the hubby was watching it and got hooked.

The Family Man, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Wanted, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and Stargate Continuum are all good movies. Some better than others, but this is some of what we've watched over the past couple of weeks. I recorded The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice because I couldn't sit down to watch it - the commercial breaks were excruciating. I've also watched a ton of Christmas video's like Scrooged, Christmas Vacation, It's a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story.

Ahhhh, the joys of procrastination....

Mother In Law From Hell

My mother-in-law is a piece of work. Oh, yeah. I forgot to say that I have two of them. The one that's giving me fits right now...? We'll call her MIL-1. The one I've mentioned previously will now be MIL-2.

MIL-1 has been out of the picture for several years. We have seen her only four times since Lindsay was born and I was okay with that. The last time we saw her, or spoke to her, was a year and a half ago when I arranged for her to get a ride from Denver to Fort Collins to see Rob graduate. After all, every mother wants to see her son graduate from college, right? Of course she did.

We keep in touch with MIL-1's family and keep tabs on her well-being as best we can, but the family had lost contact with her and no one knew where she was staying or working, no one had a cell phone number for her. The only information we had came from a chance meeting with one of MIL-1's friends who said that she was fine and living with friends.

On Thanksgiving, Jake got a text message from a Denver number saying, "Happy Thanksgiving, Love Mom." He didn't know what to make of it so he gave me his phone, asking who it might be. I said it was probably a wrong number and sent a text message back saying as much. The reply was, "This isn't Rob's phone?" Oh, crap. I called the number and had a one minute conversation with her, enough to find out she was working and living with a friend. She said she'd call me back but I haven't heard anything since, even after several calls and messages.

Today I sent a text message asking her to let us know how she was doing. She responded saying she was fine. I wasn't looking for the easy answer, I want to know her circumstances and sent another text saying as much. Nothing. I called right after that. Nothing.

I've been cursed with two mother-in-laws, neither of them are worth much. Some people might say that I'm blessed. If that's you, you are welcome to them. I'll let both MIL's know they've been traded as soon as you let me know your address so I can send them to you.

Holiday Week

I worked Tuesday and Wednesday this last week. On Tuesday afternoon, I realized that there were only three full work weeks left in the year. "Oh, you are kidding me?" I actually said that aloud. Nope, I checked the calendar again and it's true - THREE WEEKS!

I have to get ready for January, for sending the books at work to the accountant, I have to get IFTA done... and about a hundred other things too! One Hundred!? I looked at my notes and to-do lists in OneNote from last January and February and realized that 100 things really isn't a stretch - there are 88 things on my January/February to-do list. I told my boss about the few weeks left until zero hour and told him I was getting ready. I got a thumbs up.

????????

Really?

On Wednesday, I began wrapping up financial stuff for the month of November and left the office at one. Then I blew off the rest of my day talking on the phone and watching movies. I should have been doing homework. I didn't.

Thanksgiving Day came and I made mashed candied sweet potatoes that were so good, even I ate them - and I hate sweet potatoes. I also made cranberry sauce from scratch that gelled in the refrigerator overnight - I like it runny, so lesson learned: add more water! There were also creamed peas and green bean casserole. Nothing I took to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmothers house was low fat or 'healthy'.

Much to my mothers delight, I refrained from speaking to my aunt who is a racist and a bigot.

After dinner at my grandmothers, we stopped off at Rob's grandparents house. We talked, they played cards (I don't play) and everyone (but me) had pie. I was just too stuffed and didn't want to risk real pain.

We got home around eight and started to relax.....

And then it happened.

The shit always hits the fan on holidays. No pun intended. There were no feces involved, thank heavens.

The toilet got clogged and we couldn't clear it. The stupid thing has had something stuck in it for over two years; something we could never get out and we couldn't identify.  Rob decided to take the toilet out and put the snake in from the bottom to try and clear it but couldn't get the toilet off Thursday night so we left it until Friday morning.

So Black Friday came and we found ourselves at Lowes buying a new toilet. It's cheap. It's white. It's clean. It's new. I love it. Except that we had to replace the shut off valve and it's leaking. Our house is a never ending nightmare and I can't wait to get out of here and rent something. I don't want the responsibility anymore. At least not for a little while. When we buy again, maybe we won't get stuck with a money pit.

And the toilet? It was blocked by this. Well, not the whole box, just one of the trays they go in. I guess it fell in the toilet, sank and got flushed. And YES, I broke the toilet to find out what was in it.

So now I'm down $98 and I have a beautiful new (CLEAN) white toilet in the master bath.

Today I had the Meeting of the Moms. We were at Starbucks for four hours planning and enjoying each others company. We are looking for a place that will allow us to bring in the soda and maybe some snack food to supplement whatever catered food we have. All of the catering companies around here bring in cans of soda rather than 2-litre bottles and charge $1-$2 each. Well, with a guest list of around 175, that could add up pretty quickly - especially with the kids.

Tonight Jake called me and asked if the GF could come to Christmas at his grandmothers house with us. I told him I didn't mind and I'm sure Grandma wouldn't. He said it was okay with the GF's mom as long as he could go to Christmas Eve dinner with her family. None of this is a problem for us so it looks like the kids are sharing holidays already. They are also planning to go to the same college, along with several of their best friends. They've all been accepted so now it's just a matter of graduating and figuring out how to pay for all of it. Yeah, not looking forward to that, but we'll do what we have to.

Meal Plan for the coming week.

• Thai Spaghetti with shrimp
• Beef Stew
• Pork Loin Roast with mashed sweet potatoes and sauteed spinach
• Pork Chops
• Orange Chicken with rice
• Chicken Piccata
• Turkey with mashed potatoes

I don't like pork but my family does so I'll try it.

The Meeting of the Moms

Jake graduates this year, and with graduation comes the mother of all graduation parties - seeing how he's friends with half the school, it pays to host a party with others.

So, in preparation for the mother of all graduation parties, four of us moms have decided to throw the party together, assuring we can not only afford the mother of all graduation parties but that the four kids involved* will have the party to attend this year and they won't be stuck at their own while their best friends are somewhere else.

I guess being 18 these days is a big deal. And of course, I want him to have what I didn't - walking in commencement exercises (I graduated, I just didn't walk), a graduation party, someone to push me when it came to going to college... The list is really endless.

Anyway, the Moms will be getting together on Saturday to discuss preliminary plans for a graduation party: what our kids want, what we can afford, where to hold it, discussing catering options, decorations, etc. We're just getting an idea of what everyone thinks at this point. I look forward to sitting and having coffee with these three amazing women.

I guess I'll be thinking about this a lot over then next six months and chronicling the event as it unfolds. Hopefully, it will be good practice for Matt's graduation.

*The four friends are Jake, the GF, Jake's best friend of seven years, and the best friends girlfriend.

I almost died!

I laughed so hard I cried. You have to see this!

Meals and Food

I love me the meal plan. I do it every week now. I'm kid of bummed that I didn't post them here because it would have been nice to track. I've kind of expanded the way I do it though; I come up with the number of required meals but don't normally assign meals to days. I also have a list of main dishes that I can easily look over and pick from - that doesn't keep me from pouring over cookbooks though. I still love to do that. As a matter of fact, we're having a couple of new pasta recipes this week thanks to The Dinner Doctor. I know lots of people are fanatical about making everything from scratch but I'm not. If a can of cream of mushroom produces edible results and I don't have the time to make a creamy white sauce then canned soup it is.

This week looks like this:

• Penne with ham and sugar snap peas with salad. Supposed to be rotini and prosciutto but I like penne better and have you seen the price of prosciutto?
• Mac N Cheese casserole - soooo easy. Blue box, cream of mushroom, tuna and peas.
• Burritos/Tacos with rice and refried beans.
• Smoked salmon penne with capers and lemon. I probably spent the most on this dish but did find the salmon on sale. This is supposed to have ziti but - well, I like penne better.
• Taco soup - already have leftovers for after school snacks, lunch or soup and sandwich night next week.
• Spaghetti and meatballs.

...and then there's my contribution to Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmothers house:

• Sweet potato casserole - probably mashed but lumpy with butter, brown sugar and marshmallows.
• Creamed peas with onion.
• Green bean casserole.
• Runny cranberries (a thin cranberry sauce) - if I can get the recipe from someone besides my MIL. Otherwise I'll make it up.

The cool thing the past month or so is that I've ended up with enough leftovers from one week to feed us for part of the next. It helps that Jake goes out for dinner with the GF or Matt goes to a friend's house.

The In-Law family is already planning The Night Before Christmas party they throw every year. It is a time for the whole family to get together, NOT on Christmas, eating and enjoying every one's company as well as exchanging gifts through a reading of The Night Before Christmas, hence the name of the party. So here's how it works. Everyone brings an inexpensive gift suitable for male or female (kids pass among themselves) and everyone settles in a circle. One of the girls (just because my boys aren't interested and the younger boy is 4) reads the story. Every time the word 'and' is said, the gifts are passed. Whatever you end up with at the end of the story is yours. It's fun. This year the party is on December 20 and I've been asked to bring two batches of chili. I'm looking forward to it but may be hung over. My company party is on December 19 and I always drink plenty that night.

It's all about me now...

I haven’t felt like writing – for a lot of different reasons, none of which are really relevant right now. In order to feel like writing again I had to think a lot about why I wrote, who I was writing for, and what I was writing. After all that thinking (wow, did I just smell burning batteries?) I decided that I was going to go back to just writing for me.

In a way, my blog didn’t even start out that way. I was always writing with someone else in mind – what would they think of me? The truth is - I don’t care. There has been so much going on in the past couple of months I haven’t written about that it makes me sad. Like the letter I got in the mail from some deranged republican who anonymously begged me not to vote for Obama. Or the phone call/confrontation with my Aunt Wanda regarding that letter where she denied sending it. Then I asked her, would she please leave me alone about my political beliefs – after all, I didn’t slam her email account with democrat propaganda… That little discussion still has fruit to bear since I’ll see her for the first time since then on Thanksgiving. Oh, the things I am thankful for this year!

And the holidays coming up. Ugh, the stress that’s creating this year. Seriously? My FIL wasn’t going to the cabin this year for Christmas because he was going to be on-call over the holiday – then he went and screwed it up (just joking) and traded Christmas for Thanksgiving. I’d already started making plans with my mom to go to her house on Christmas Day with my brother and two nieces. I haven’t seen them outside of a major family function in years and this is the first Christmas since my brother and his wife divorced. I just thought the whole thing would be nice. Anyway, we’ve got decisions to make. Rob, Matt and Lindsay all want to go to the mountains, Jake knows he may have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas so he’s okay staying home – besides, the GF's family has invited us for Christmas dinner. I don’t want to go to the cabin because I’d already started making plans with my mom – oh, yeah… and I hate my mother-in-law…

Long story, that one. I got a call from her in September asking if I was going to send her some money. I owe her $600, all that's left of a rather large sum of money we owed her for putting a new engine in our car a while back. I started working $100 into our budget and then it just didn’t happen. I didn’t know what to do since talking to her is like talking to a television announcer or game show contestant – they don’t hear you and keep talking. So I did what I always do when life is too much for me. I bury my head in the sand and ignore the situation. Kind of like what I've been doing for the past month about my blog. She called a month later and left another message, this time saying that she hadn’t made me beg for the money when we needed it, she didn’t understand why she had to beg to get it back. Oh, damn! I felt like crap and still didn’t have the money to pay her back but it did decide to take some action rather than ignore the situation. I wrote her a letter outlining why I didn’t have the money, some of our current struggles and apologized for making her beg. I sent her a good faith check for $5. The outcome? Don’t know. She hasn’t called me, hasn’t talked to any family about it, and hasn’t cashed the check I sent her. I thought about sending her a letter saying that I’d be happy to send her another five or ten dollars if she’d just cash the first check I sent her, but that’s passive aggressive and I don’t want to go there.

That’s all for now but I’m going to make an effort to write regularly. I love the idea of having an online journal.

I Couldn't Agree More

There's a post up here that I couldn't agree with more.

You have the right to agree or disagree with me, you have the right to your own opinion, but none of us have the right to tell people how to live their lives or that their life choices are 'wrong and a lie and unnatural'.

Period.

Words of Support

I just read something that made me proud of myself. You should read it too; I hope it gives you the same feeling.

We Voted

And, so did my son! I'm so proud of him, wanting to be involved and making the decisions on his own.

Do your part - VOTE!

People are Temporarily (I Hope) Evil

There is so much nastiness right now. I'm referring to the political bashing - against both candidates and supporters - that seems to have permeated everything. Even the comments on our local papers' website are down right disgusting.

We don't have to agree. Vote for whomever you'd like and express yourself that way rather than name calling and venom.

I can't wait for November 5th.

A Poem

Matt wrote a poem for English and I found it on my computer. I thought it was great and asked if I could share it. There are a few references that you may not understand, but for him they are meaningful.

***

I am from

By Matt

I am from buffalo steak,
And Grandma’s sun tea.

I am from Friday night lights,
And a gridiron game.

I am from snowmobiling at Bundy,
And Christmas at the cabin.

I’m from September first sunrise,
And late November hunting.

I’m from eighth notes and treble clef,
And A# and BǷ.

I am from the cool crisp air,
And a Rocky Mountain morning.

I am from my Mom and my Dad,
Who have helped me through my life.

***

Thanks for letting me share it Matt!

Poor Lindsay

Sadly, Lindsay can't play soccer. She isn't allowed to participate fully in her yoga classes either but she isn't in any pain and she should be healed pretty quickly.

She has a splint rather than a cast so it makes life easier, bathing and the like, as well as caring for the cuts she managed to get on her hand and arm. However, it doesn't provide enough support for the potential fall or contact that occurs during soccer - a supposedly non-contact sport. Yeah, right.

We took this picture on Saturday after team pictures. She looks thrilled, doesn't she?

We had parent teacher conferences today, a week late due to the stress of the arm breaking, doctors appointments and birthday party. I'm glad we rescheduled since we were there for an hour and 15 minutes. We had a good result; the teacher understood our concerns and we came to an agreement regarding the curriculum.

We impressed and excited the teacher by being concerned about our ability to help her with math at home. I guess most parents aren't as involved. I think that's sad.

Fall Beauty

I thought it was time for a change of scenery. (Or... Isn't the banner picture beautiful?)

I love Fall, all of the sights, smells and feelings involved. The smell of the leaves and the streets covered in them, beautiful! Soon we'll be able to smell woodsmoke in the evenings and there will be nothing more comforting. Funny, I really don't like winter but I welcome the season that ushers it in.

Senior Pictures

Senior pictures are expensive. That being said, we took Jake's senior pictures ourselves. It was two hours spent on a Saturday in a beautiful park. The best pictures we took were of him sitting on rocks in a little stream bed.

And there it is. Not bad for a novice.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Lindsay!

10 Whole Years!

She BROKE HER ARM!

As if we didn't have enough craziness in our lives! Lindsay broke her arm at school today. It should be noted that she broke her other arm, at school, last year on October 18! The girl is one huge accident waiting to happen!

Now the good news. It's what's called a buckle fracture, which is incomplete and heals rather quickly. She will even be allowed to play soccer if she chooses considering that the fracture is stable and not prone to movement.

Has anybody else noticed that raising kids can be exhausting? Yeah, that was supposed to be sarcastic.

Lindsay's Math

Updated to include another YouTube Video! This one's fun and you will TOTALLY UNDERSTAND what they're teaching my daughter!

Let me clarify the problem with Lindsay's math curriculum. The problem does not lie in the actual math itself, but in the way the school, or district, is teaching it. They use something called Everyday Math, or Chicago Math, that provides students with an alternative way of adding and subtracting. It's confusing for parents and lots of students but they introduced it in order to give the kids who struggle with traditional methods new ways to figure simple math problems.

Sounds helpful for those who struggle in math, doesn't it? Sure it is, but not if your kid has had a firm grasp on traditional math since pre-school. Lindsay loves math, but she cannot figure out how to use the new methods.

I'll do my best to illustrate here, but this is a blog and I'm limited in what I can do. For example, 36+84 = ?

When you put 36 on top of 84, you and I add the 4 and 6... follow me? The answer is 10 so we put the 0 on the bottom under the 4 and the 1 on top of the 3. Then we add 1 + 3 + 8 = 12, we put 12 under the 8. The answer is 120. In Everyday Math, they put the 10 under the 4 and 11 under the 8 and SOMEHOW come up with the correct answer. I'm confused, I don't get it and Lindsay doesn't get it. Check the YouTube videos, they explain it much better!

I'm simply trying to get the school to STOP confusing my daughter and let her learn math that she will actually use in her checkbook when she's in her 20's. I've included a link to Everyday Math reviews that you should check out if your child's school is using this program. It was given a C- and has created serious problems for graduating high school seniors in the state of New York.

I found the greatest YouTube video describing just how confusing the program is - and it turns out that our school district is requiring both of these... Could you do multiplication this way? I doubt it.

I'm done with my rant now. Thanks for being patient.

My First Foray Into Politics

OMG - I couldn't help myself...

Go check out this political joke!

We Live

It has been insanely busy around here since the beginning of school and I just haven't had the time to think about myself until this last week. We've got football, we've got soccer, I've been working more hours, the hubby's got classes, I started a class, and of course the kids are all in school and the homework is astounding.

Rob and I recently had a disagreement with Lindsay's school regarding their mathematics curriculum. We are seriously considering home schooling her in math, nothing else, just her math curriculum. We have parent/teacher conferences next week where we will discuss it, then schedule an appointment with her math teacher and do it all over. In the end, I think it's possible for us to get them to see the light - at least for Lindsay - but only time will tell. If anyone knows of a good home school math program for 4th grade, please comment.

I have finally gotten internet access - real honest to goodness NON-dial-up access - at work, along with a new computer and finally (just this week) a new chair. I like being at work again. YEA!

The boys turned 16 and 18 last month. Jake seems to feel the need to remind us of this on a regular basis. For their birthday we bought them one present... an X-Box 360. They fell in love with us all over again. Matt plays two football games a week - one Varsity (kick return) and one JV (whenever the coach puts him in). Jake is blessed with only the Varsity games (O-line, left tackle). They both are juggling school and sports rather well this year, makes a momma proud.

Jake went on a campus tour of Mesa State College here in Colorado and will go on a tour of the University of Wyoming next month. I think that's probably where he'll end up going. I've been sick with worry (it's what I do best) about him leaving home. I've also been working on getting comfortable with the idea. We've raised an exceptionally grounded young man with lots of ambition and drive. "He will be fine. He will succeed. He will thrive." That's my mantra.

A turns 10 next week. She's so excited to be turning 'two digits'. I've gotten away easy on the party aspect with her the last two years. We have her party at a park adjacent to her elementary school right after school lets out. I meet them at their classrooms, walk them to the park, give the kids an 'after school snack' (read: cheap and easy), let them play, feed them cupcakes, open presents, and then everybody goes home. That's the cheater-mom's party. I'm only responsible for these ten kids for an hour and a half and Lindsay loves it.

I started a class this week, Psychology of Personality. I have a passionate dislike of Freud. I'll leave it at that, but I'm really getting into Jung. The class has been condensed (even more so than a normal 5-week class)! We're only going from 6-8pm because, among other reasons, there are only four of us. I really love small classes. I've got an online class that starts in two and a half weeks but I'm just not worried. As a matter of fact, I'm much more confident in my ability to not only do well in school, but in the fact that I will actually be able to finish my Bachelors Degree. I've discovered I have just enough financial aid available to finish my degree... and then? Then I've decided to apply to the Masters of Counseling Psychology program at CSU. I have no idea whether or not I'll be accepted, but I have to try.

All in all, the last month has given me a run for my sanity. When football and soccer season end, I should finally be able to lean back and relax a little.