Food, school, work, planning, holidays, and dread

What do all those things have in common?  They're all in my head right now.  Oh, and add pain, worry, concern, fear, and a strange sense of impending accomplishment which is new.  

Food is in my head because I cooked, shopped, and then cooked again today.  It's like the day was consumed with food!  Which, by the way, I'm trying to be mindful off considering I've gained back nearly everything I've lost in the past four years.  Oh, so depressing.  I never really made a plan for meals this week, I just bought random stuff and got cooking.  I had Rob prep meatloaf and then baked two of them.  One for dinner tonight, the other sliced and frozen for lunches or fin-fer dinners.  Then I made a small batch of chili for lunches, etc, and I've finally started potatoes so we can have a traditional meatloaf dinner tonight.  

So what I have to work with this week is...  (in my head there's a little drumroll going on.  I'm easily amused, get over it.)

• Macaroni and cheese (Kraft blue box)
• Meatloaf (leftovers from tonight and a whole one sliced and frozen)
• Chili (probably just for lunches, but in a pinch it's there for dinner)
• Pasta (spaghetti and sauce or ravioli and sauce - it'll be a mood thing)
• Fried shrimp/chicken and fries (Lindsay hates seafood of every kind - except clam chowder.  Go figure)
• Leftovers, fin-fer, breakfast...  whatever 

School starts - my last class (YEA) - in just over a week.  I'm NOT looking forward to it.  I'm so freaking over CCU, the cohort I've had to join, the assignments, the assumption that mental health issues cannot be solved without God, that the only way to live is to be Christian...  it's never ending.  This class is specific to combining religion and counseling, so there's that.  

Work is work.  I'm exhausted and it's just harder to give a rats ass when I feel overwhelmed and tired.  Also, I've been spoiled and rarely have I had to work more than part time.  I'm ready to have my Monday off again.  

I'm trying to plan the curriculum for a group, two groups actually, and while I'm a planner this is harder.  Enough said.

The holidays are coming, and we're in the middle of our family birthdays so I'm kind of anxious about money, get togethers, parties I'm willing to attend, parties that don't happen, gifts I have to buy, and everything that comes with that.  Matt isn't coming home for the holidays this year, so there is that.

I've had more pain lately.  Headaches, backaches, neckaches, jaw pain...  the list feels endless.  And then there are the worries...  the glands in my neck are swollen.  I don't know why but it worries me, and so do a couple of strange moles I have.  I'm hoping almost everything is stress related, but I really have to make a doctor's appointment for a physical - and nobody really wants to do that.

So stress.  Fucking stress.  

I would go on but now all I can think about is how stressed out I am and how I didn't get any laundry done today...  Dishes, laundry, packing up all the food I made, making my bed, cleaning up the messes I've made.

Exercise

To me, it's a four letter word.  I don't want to feel that way about it, I just do.  It appears that I will have to treat it the same way I treated quitting when I stopped smoking - unappealing yet necessary.

While I was waiting for Lindsay on Monday, I took a walk around a trail that I see from the gazebo I sit under to read.  The frustrating part was that the trail was shorter than I had anticipated, though it was about a mile long.  I had been trying to kill time and it only took me about 15 minutes.  For the next two weeks, Lindsay and I will have to wait an hour between her appointments around dinnertime so I mapped out a route that takes us past a Jimmy Johns and is two miles long.  If I'm right, this should take us a little more than half an hour with a stop to pick up a sandwich so we'll be back at the cute little gazebo with half an hour to eat our dinner before her second appointment.

While I was mapping and planning all this out in my head and on this really cool mapping site, I decided I needed an app to track my distance and time...  and maybe I needed to track it more often than once a week.  After all, don't they (whoever they are) tell you that you're supposed to exercise at least three times a week?  So I walked at lunch today and used the little app I downloaded from Google Play and I understand they make one for the iPhone too.  Now I know that I walk an average of three miles an hour and that my chosen route near work is almost exactly a mile long.  It will be easy to get out and walk...  until the weather changes.  Once there's snow on the ground, my work route is kaput because there are no sidewalks.  

Anywhooo....  the reason I started thinking about exercising, besides all the regular stuff (weight creeping up again, concern for my daughters health, generally healthier lifestyle, etc) is that Jake intends to get married in the mountains next summer, at the summit of a five mile hike.  Yeah.  The shape I'm in now, I'll never make it.  Rob says we'll just take our time and breaks as we need them, and drink enough water.  I think we should work on getting in shape.  I would rather not be done for before they even get married!  And I'd like to be able to make it down the trail in one piece.  And the reception...  I'd like to have fun there instead of napping.

So yeah.  I'm going to approach exercise - for now - the same way I did quitting smoking.  I'm not happy about it, and there are benefits that I will soon reap.  Hopefully one of the not smoking benefits will come in handy - my lung capacity is getting better and the shortness of breath is decreasing.  Thank heavens allergy season is waning.

More hurt feelings, and some feelings of failure too

Being treated poorly by your teen seems universal, but it can get old really quick.  I'm also curious, why do we accept poor treatment from them?  I really want to know.  Why do I allow her to call me names?  Why does she swear like a sailor even when I ask/tell/insist she not?  I've been permissive with her, that's for sure.  Maybe that's the answer.  

It's times like this that I want to just throw in the towel.  It doesn't take much to hurt my feelings anymore, to leave me feeling like a failure as a mother, wife, and employee.  My skin is quite thin these days, that's for sure.  I hate feeling like I am responsible for her success or failure, for her mood and our relationship.  

I would blame it on hormones (mine), but it's not that time of the month.  I could blame it on the back to school routine, or the fact that she just sprained her ankle pretty badly.  I could blame it on a lot of things, but the fact is that she treats me poorly sometimes.  I'm sure she says the same about me.  Maybe it's time for family counseling, though there isn't anything I want to do less, including being stung by bees, run over by a car, and allergy testing.  Seriously.

Menu Ideas for the second week of school

I'm desperate to put dinner on the table for a whole week, but I seem to take the easy route and pick something up once or twice a week.

For lunches I'm taking soup at least two days and a salad for the other.  I found a recipe for Italian Sausage Soup in the Allrecipes magazine and I'm making a big batch today for lunches.  Some of the suggestions online say to add orzo pasta...  I'm so sad I can't find the box I swear I had.  

Meals for this week, which I swear I've bought food for but I can't remember what I was planning.  Hmmmm...

• Chicken Quesadillas or Burrito Bowls with beans and rice
• Macaroni and cheese casserole 
• Slop - ground beef browned with salt and pepper and covered in cream of mushroom soup and sour cream over rice - finally had this last week and I wondered why I haven't been making it EVERY  week!
• Spaghetti with vodka sauce.  Hopefully I'll have enough sausage left to make this.
• Hamburgers and salad - I might make some sort of potato...  lemon potatoes?
• Italian Sausage soup leftovers - on Thursday when Rob is gone.
• Chicken wraps - Asian Style Chicken for lettuce wraps from Schwans but in tortillas because Safeway didn't have any butter lettuce. 
• And if for some reason none of that sounds appealing some night...  I still have the stuff to make another pepperoni pizza.
• And I still have cheese ravioli, sauce, mozzarella cheese, and olives left to make a layered casserole. 

Wow, we're eating the same things every week.  Maybe that's why I run off to buy other food during the week.

Back 2 School

It's been crazy busy here - community events, back to school prep (which most people get done in a day or two of shopping - but I can drag out for weeks), busy work schedules, and an overarching feeling of anxiety and being overwhelmed.  It doesn't matter how much I try to prep for the start of school, we're always caught off guard and feel like it's too much.

The result has been a house full of oversensitive people, people who can't take a joke or requests for additional support from others.  I can't ask Lindsay to unload the dishwasher without her freaking out about having homework or being too tired.  Admittedly, this sounds a lot like a screw you to chores, but there's also a hint of the desperation that says she was in no way prepared to be back in school.  So I wonder, is there a good way to prepare for school or does the initial shock of a 7:30am to 3pm schedule (plus homework) after a summer of no responsibilities feel a lot like being thrown into a pool of ice water?

This is the question that consumes my life from the middle of July to the middle of September.

   

Food for the Week

Farmers markets offer a great opportunity to increase the amount of veggies in our diet.  Unfortunately you can't see that in this weeks menu ideas.  I have an abundance of squash (yellow and green), and some broccoli, but I used most of my veggie bag in the soup I made yesterday.

• Hamburgers and salad
• Zuppa Toscana leftovers
• Spaghetti with Vodka sauce, garlic herb bread and spicy broccoli
• Macaroni and Cheese - blue box
• Chicken Quesadilla and zucchini pie
• Slop or Fin-fer night (Find food for yourself)

We might have two fin-fer nights.  We went to a tiny little water park in Greeley today and followed it up with a picnic.  We had a lot of fun, wore ourselves out, and my family is asleep at four in the afternoon.  They'll probably wake up in an hour or two, but I doubt we'll be making a big dinner.  They can have tuna sandwiches or something.

We have plenty of snack food for the week because of all the random stuff I bought for our snacky dinner last night.  Hummus, cheese, bread, veggies, fruit.  I take snack food to work with me for lunches while Rob prefers burritos, leftovers, sandwiches, and small microwave dinners.  We have a little of everything in our freezer and deep freeze.

Next week we'll have to plan for Lindsay's lunches too, as well as quick breakfast food.  School starts and I'm so far behind in my planning and purchasing for the change.  Hopefully I have some great surge of motivation and don't wait until the day before she has classes.

 

Change Sucks

Matt is supposed to be done with the Navy next year so I've posted a best guess countdown.  It may or may not be accurate, but it will count for me and I won't have to.  Most of what this means is that we are counting down to change that we can't imagine.  He hasn't lived here since he was a boy in high school.  He's a man now, with adult dreams.  It will be different.  

It seems that everything is different these days.  Work is more annoying than normal, though I did talk about marijuana edibles with my boss last week.  It was a weird conversation, and funny.  I live in Colorado so it's legal, our employees just can't test positive for it because of the work they do.  I however, am exempt because I'm an office employee.

School is starting soon and Lindsay and I don't do well with change.  I have my last class coming up and that will be different too...  and then I'll graduate and more change.  Change, different, new experiences...  it just keeps happening.  That's what life is all about.    

Simple Saturday Gratitude

We went to the farmers market today.  We normally go to the one by our house on Sunday, but we have one of Robs work events to attend tomorrow.  We found one on the other side of town and it was awesome.  There was a wine booth.  I had no idea there was a winery close, but there is and it had some amazing wine.  I bought my regular bag-o-veggies for $10 and Lindsay begged me to buy kale.  When I buy kale I always use it to make zuppa toscana and she also decided that she wanted to invite her boyfriend over for dinner to try it.  Thank god for the wine, right?  Nah, he's a good kid.  We also bought some great bread, orange chocolate cookies, a lemon cucumber, and of course the wine.  

So for dinner we had zuppa toscana and a bunch of other snacking food...  sliced baguette, hummus, boursin, slices of sharp cheddar, strawberries, blueberries, sliced apples, and sugar snap peas.  We sat on the living room floor in my personal version of a picnic and watched The Goonies while eating too much.  

I'm full.  I'm tired.  It was a good day.

Rant

Since when are we as parents expected to bribe our kids to turn in homework, to attend classes, to give a rats ass about school?  

Oh, crap.  I feel a rant coming on; one that starts with, "When I was a kid..."  Shit.

When I was a kid, I was offered cash for grades.  I guess there was bribery involved, but I was expected to approach school like it was my job.  MY JOB.  I was required to attend all my classes, I was required to give a shit, and when I didn't (I'll admit to a rough year in high school), I had my ass handed to me on a platter.  I was grounded, had double the chores.  

What scares the crap out of me is that a lot of parents are offering things I would never consider.  Remember when you said to your parents, "But (fill in best friend/distant acquaintance - whomever suits current needs)'s mom lets her!"  Well, I'm not so-and-so's mom, I'm your mom and I will not (fill in the blank with rejected request).  

Sigh....   Being the parent of a teen girl freaking sucks.  I MUST apologize to my mother as soon as possible.  I put her through hell, and her curse threatens my sanity.  You're not familiar with the curse?  Lucky you.  When I was a teen, my mom rather nonchalantly said to me, "I hope you have a daughter just like you."

Well fuck. 

I find myself thinking back to when I was this age...  what did my mom do that worked?  What did she do that enraged me?  What did she do that kept the situation under the slightest control?  And holy shit, what did she do when I told her I was pregnant?  How would I react?

I feel like Lindsay's teen years are going at a snail's pace.  The sooner I can get her to 18 and graduated, the less anxiety I'll feel.  That's what I'm telling myself.

Winter... it's coming!

It just occurred to me that this is coming...

I have maybe three whole months before I see this again, and I'm not looking forward to it.  Something about the weather we're having has me all sad and mopey; the lack of sun for even a few days can pull the rug out from a Coloradoan.  It's been raining for over a day and I haven't seen the sun since...  well, it's been a couple of days?  It just made me want to curl up on the couch with a blanket and watch mindless television.  We'll have to thank Jake for turning us on to Community.  

Enjoy the rest of your summer because winter is coming.  Bum, bum, bum.... (queue dramatic music)   

Google Keep.... I think I'll keep you.

There's nothing like a bunch of post-it notes in my drawer, on my desk, in pads, stuck to my computer screen, at the bottom of my purse, or on the kitchen table.  Seriously, I buy all kinds, sizes, shapes, and colors.  I've got them with lines, pictures, washed out backgrounds, and promotional ones that are cooler than hell!  Okay, bad analogy.  

But really, Google Keep is like having a page full of post-it notes you can access on your smart phone, tablet (there's no app for the Nook damnit, but you can view it on Chrome), work computer, home computer, Chromebook, etc.  I keep my grocery list, meal plan, stuff I'm worried about, calls I have to make, and a bunch of things I'm working on to solidify my mission statement for my private practice on individual notes.

For someone who has a fatal attraction to being organized, like me, Google Keep is like pizza to a pothead.  I would know, I live in Colorado.

Thanks to http://www.techradar.com/ for the awesome pic.

  

Attempted Planning and Organization

I'm trying to get back into the groove of cooking, especially since school will start in about three weeks and my planning and organizational skills will come in quite handy.  Translation...  we're screwed.  I would love to say that I'm going to cook every night this week and that we won't eat out, but that would be a lie.  With Rob's new job and our crazy schedule, we will eat out at least once and I will enjoy it.  Rob was even saying last night that we will probably be able to eat out more.  That's a goal?  Okay, whatever.

For now, I have to plan and this is what I've come up with:

• Tacos, rice, beans.  This could also be in the form of a burrito/taco bowl.  We have grilled chicken strips, ground beef, avocado, sour cream, salsa, cheese...  I should just call it Mexican night.
• Spaghetti and sausage with vodka sauce and cheesy bread sticks.
• Salad with grilled chicken strips - this is the lazy night special since it takes zero prep.
• Ravioli
• Slop - this is ground beef in mushroom sauce over rice.  Another lazy night special and family favorite.
• Chicken and rice - a fairly simple recipe I found online.  I actually had to buy celery for this - actual cooking is involved so I'm making it today while I have time.  Actual cooking...  it smells so good, and after carefully reading the recipe rather than skimming, it appears to be almost chicken risotto.  Wow.   Hopefully it will provide leftovers for lunches this week.

We will absolutely be having dinner out later this week, there's no chance I'll cook every night.  I'm also thinking about breakfast out on Saturday or Sunday.  Mmmmmmm, breakfast. 

Judgement

That was my focus today, or rather being able to notice judgment and let it go without putting any of myself into it.  It was a little about me recognizing how often I have judgmental thoughts and a lot about freeing myself from the burden of judgement.

Mission accomplished...  well, so far anyway.  I feel as though it's become easier through the day, and it will be easier tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that.  Why didn't I do this earlier?!  Judgement.  Moving on.

By the way, FB is a killer when you're working on being non-judgmental.  Just thought you should know.

Allergies suck

I'm considering allergy testing.  

This is a big deal for me because...   needles!  I hate needles, but every year I fight to find just the right allergy medication, just the right combination of drug to natural remedy to household isolation.  I'm over it.  

It will be a huge step for me to call my doctors office and ask about the process, costs (always a big deal for me), and if it is even an option.  

I've noted my progress, now lets see if I follow through. 

I had a naughty thought this morning...

"I can just quit my job and see clients!"

...

You see, I think naughty thoughts when I don't get enough rest/play/family connection/accomplished on the weekends, take your pick.  I also get a bit cranky, fail to refresh, and head into Monday with the typical Monday angst.  And for the record, this thought was the least of my naughty thoughts; it just happened to be one of the loudest.

The funny thing is that I don't work at that job-I'd-like-to-quit on Monday's; I haven't for years!  On Monday's I see clients, I do work on creating my private practice, I read for work and fun, I race around town to get things done.  It's not exactly fun, but it isn't really the grind that I feel other days of the week.

We have bills to pay, a class to pay for - my last! - and a lifestyle that we'd like to achieve.  You know the one where you can go to the grocery store whenever you want and don't really worry about the fact that your jobs require six tanks of gas between the two cars for the month.

So that's it, I have naughty thoughts sometimes.  I'm old, give me a break!

Insomnia

It's a bitch.  I mean really, who wants to be awake at four in the morning after going to bed nearly seven hours earlier?  Nobody, that's who.

I have narrowed the problem down to an ill-timed dose of Excedrin Migraine - note to self, only take that stuff until around two in the afternoon.  Pain later in the day will require Aleve or Advil.

I keep telling myself that I have no new stress or anxiety, but that might not be entirely true.  Rob got a new job today...  wait, yesterday.  It's within the same company and comes with a raise so the "risk" is low, but it is change and I don't do too well with change, of any kind.  So maybe it isn't that he can sleep in an hour later in the morning, or that his paycheck will be a bit bigger, but it could be that he can't take Lindsay to her afternoon appointment during the week or that when school starts again he won't be in a position to pick her up at a reasonable time.  He assures me that he will be able to adjust his schedule when he's done training, but for now it will be change.  

Dinner time will be later, but we will see each other in the morning - I do not currently get up at 5:30 to have chit chat with him, he generally gets a, "Have a good day, I love you," in a sleepy voice as he grabs his cell phone and heads out the door.

There is good news with this transition...  this position will allow him to build experience in a field he has schooling in but lacks the course credits for a degree.  Most companies want a degree or the experience - in a couple of years he'll have one of those, or maybe both if we can get him enrolled in some classes.

And then there is the transition that I have been avoiding for some time.  I will earn my degree soon and will need to transition to a full-time counselor if I am to make use of my degree.  I would like to open a private practice, and I know that might be a dream for a bit.  Regardless, I will need to leave the job I have found security in for the past 15 years.  That is a scary thought.  I have been attending an online private practice conference and today began reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.  So far, both have given me uncomfortable glimpses into the fear that keeps me rooted in mediocrity.  

One of my discoveries (or maybe it's just a willingness to voice it) while listening to Daring Greatly, is that I'm afraid I'm not good enough.  Come on, how many people feel that way sometimes?  Raise your hand; you know you have your moments.  Unless you've done a lot of work, or you are naturally blessed with a fantastic understanding of what you are capable of and above average self-esteem, you have experienced that feeling from time to time.  Me?  I feel like that at least a handful of times every week.  When I'm tired or sick it gets worse.

So why do I feel like I'm not good enough?  Is it because I didn't try very hard in school?  No, that's not it at all.  Is it because I'm lazy and don't do much outside reading?  Uh, I don't think so.  Is it because I'm still working on me and that is showing up for me in different ways?  For now I'm going to have to say, yes.  I don't have any other answers right now, but these feelings of inadequacy will stand in the way of my future if I don't confront them and their source.

Oddly enough, I feel less uncomfortable about myself now that my husband has had an opportunity to move forward in his career.  This is important, but not to be addressed at 4AM.

Yeah, it's after four in the morning.  I fed the cats already!  Good grief.  Good thing I got extra sleep this morning, tomorrow today will be a long day.  I have a nap opportunity this afternoon that I hope I will be able to take advantage of.  Also, I cannot wait to read this when I've had some real sleep - it should be a hoot.

Ahhh, gratitude. Where have you been?

When there are things to worry about, concerns that overwhelm the soul, that is the time to look to gratitude.  It would be so easy to make up some excuse about how I'm so worried about X, Y, and Z to think about being grateful for the things in my life. The truth is that without finding those small (or big) things and naming them, the joy is stripped away and all I am left with is the ickyness.  Yes, I said ickyness, deal with it.

I am ever so grateful that my son was able to visit home and that we even got to see him before he completes his time forward deployed in the Navy.  As frustrating as his visit seemed, we did get to see him.

I am grateful for the beautiful, funny, intelligent, and sensitive woman my son has chosen to marry.  She has one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met.  She is angry with me right now, which is one of the things I am terribly worried about, and I hope I can make it right since knowing her and having her in my life is terribly important. 

I am grateful for the wonderful day my daughter had yesterday.  She deserves some joy and time with friends in the summer.

I am also grateful that my daughter's boyfriend seems to be more goofball than jerk - a distinction I was unable to determine until recently.  I still trust him only as far as I can pick him up and throw him, but she is my daughter and I would move heaven and Earth to protect her.  That lack of trust has less to do with him than with me and my fears.

I am grateful that I was able to sit in the warm sun chatting on the phone with a wonderful friend during my lunch and watch two adult males try to load a 10' long, 6" diameter PVC pipe into a 1960-something Porsche.  I'm serious, it was the funniest, most ridiculous thing I had seen all week, maybe all month.

Finally, I am grateful that I am capable of introspection regarding my current struggles as well as my career goals, also a source of great worry and concern these days.

Reading Would Be Nice

So back in the beginning of May, I talked about the things I'd like to do in order to feel a little more normal.  Reading was one of those things, and I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy.  I can't seem to focus on reading and it is beyond frustrating.  I don't meal plan like I used to, I don't drink wine among the sunflowers and mint in the back yard, and there has been no relaxing.  Not to speak of anyway.

The books I'm trying to read, or want to read, have changed only a little bit.

• The Gift of Therapy by Irvin Yalom - I'm still trying to read this one.
• Catching Fire - still haven't finished it.  Lost access when I had to replace my Nook and the Kindle app wasn't uninstalled properly.
• I Thought it was Just Me (But it Isn't) by Brene Brown - still haven't bought it.  Maybe someday.
• I Heart My Little A-Holes by Karen Alpert - same story, haven't bought it.
• Berried to the Hilt by Karen McInerney - bought it, haven't read it.
• Forever Odd by Dean Koontz - I've read it before but forgot the story.
• Cold Days and Skin Game by Jim Butcher - A friend lent these to me and then I just bought them on my Nook.  Can't get into them.
• Inferno by Dan Brown - Bought a real copy, haven't started it.
• And in case my to read list wasn't long enough with zero follow-through, I picked up Bitter Is the New Black from the library.

Sometimes Parenting Sucks

We had dinner with Matt and his girlfriend on Wednesday night and then didn't see or hear from him until today... and then the day was full of disappointment.  We didn't hear from Matt all morning, but we went about our business anyway, with a short trip to the grocery store for buns and the gas station to fill up Rob's car.  This visit has had a lot of "go about your business" time.  Late this afternoon when he came for a couple of hours to chat with us and regroup for an evening with his friends.  He promised his sister he would spend time with her tomorrow and then he left.  A few hours later, he called and cancelled.  According to Lindsay, he has broken every promise he's made to her since he got here nearly two weeks ago.  His dad, Lindsay, Jake and I have gotten a token amount of time with him, with the bulk going to the girlfriend and his high school friends.

I know that kids grow up and spend less and less time with their families.  I know it's our job as parents to support him in any way we can while he is serving, and I do not begrudge him that.  I do believe that if you make a promise to your 15 year old sister who loves you even when you crush her heart, you are a jerk.  There, I said it.  My son is behaving like a selfish child and his lack of planning should not impact his sister this way.  
Sometimes parenting sucks, and tonight I have cried for hours because my little girl is in pain.  I have held her and rocked her, letting her vent about the injustice she feels, and offered gentle agreement while I cried with her.  I offered tissues and then helped her find her cell phone and offered her Nook so she could find some distractions.  But I can't take the pain away, I can't make it stop hurting.
  
Sometimes parenting sucks because sometimes you wonder what happened to the boy you raised and what you might have done to make him distance himself from his family.  You wonder if, instead of doing something really wrong, he's just spreading the damn wings everybody is always talking about and we've just offered the perfect launchpad for his independence.

Sometimes parenting sucks because you hear how disappointed your oldest son is about how you don't come to visit him or spend time with him where he lives.  You wonder if it's worth explaining how difficult it is to buy gas to go to work or pay the bills and buy groceries, and how much you struggle.  You worry about making him worry because you don't want to make him feel guilty about anything.    

And finally, sometimes parenting sucks because you wonder when you will be able to stop worrying about them for just long enough to feel like a real person with a life of her own.  You wonder if there will ever be a time when you can be selfish again, or if this is a permanent effect of having children, and if so, might they all just get together and decide to let their mom and dad have a worry-free day once every decade or so? 

Gratitude Project

I feel like I should start my own personal gratitude project.  I should, most days, list what I am grateful for.  Ignore my bad grammar.  It's okay to have things that aren't going right, that are causing stress.  That's just life, but ignoring the things that are going well simply isn't productive for me.

What am I grateful for today?  Well so far...

• Lindsay and I talked last night.  She shared her poetry with me, her feelings about a few stressful subjects, and some macaroni and cheese while we watched Community.  
• I was able to talk to a Navy Mom on the phone at lunch.  She was in need and I was able to be there for her.
• Once again, it is a beautiful day.

We're supposed to have enchilada's for dinner tonight.  I'm hoping that is still the plan because everyone is fully stressed out and I don't think we'll be able to handle Matt cancelling.  Fun times.