Another Meal Plan

My meal plan isn't spectacular, it's just basic food that we like.  I like to make easy food, if it's good for us, well, that's an accident these days.  I just need something filling at the end of the day.  If I don't have something easy to make, sometimes I don't eat.  Lindsay and Rob tend to fin for themselves on those days but I get so overwhelmed that I'll just climb in bed and go to sleep.  Rob and I were talking and we realized that the only day, besides weekends, that we are actually home and eating at a reasonable hour is Friday.  Rob is home late on Monday and Wednesday, I have class on Tuesday and Thursday.  As a matter of fact, I have to take my food for the entire day on Tuesday, and have about 45 minutes at home on Thursday to put together my dinner, which for me is generally leftovers.

This week, Italian food (or something similar) seems to be on the menu a couple of times.  I had to shop my pantry a little because my grocery budget is smaller than usual.

So here's what the week looks like for us.  I think we're having mac and cheese tonight.

• Rotini with Italian sausage, Classico sauce, cottage cheese, mozzarella cheese (a kind of lazy/laid back lasagna pasta), garlic bread and salad
• Roast with veggies (crock pot), mashed potatoes, gravy.
• Macaroni and cheese with ground beef, onions, tomatoes, sour cream, etc.  (taco mac?)  This was going to be the blue box but they were all expired, weird.  I ended up making it from scratch, which is almost as easy as the box.  Rotel tomatoes, purred because Rob and Lindsay don't like chunks of tomato, with Velveeta and shredded cheese melted in it. 
• Rice, black beans, fajita chicken, calico corn, cheese, sour cream, avocado, salsa (a burrito bowl)
• Lasagna rollups, pasta sauce, salad, garlic bread
• Breakfast for dinner - waffles, eggs, sausage or biscuits and gravy with scrambled eggs
• Leftovers

Rob and I take leftovers or sandwiches to work most days.  I think Rob is a little better than I am about actually packing and eating his lunch.  I find myself getting busy or distracted and won't eat, sometimes I skip my breakfast too.  I'm not very good to myself in that way right now.  

Lazy Meal Plan

I actually wrote my meal plan in my planner for the coming week and decided to post it here too.  I like being able to search the Meal Plan label and find out what I haven't made in awhile, what recipes I've ignored forever, and what stands the test of time.  I rarely ever decide what to make for a particular day, I just try to plan for something on the list the night before.

• Chili and grilled cheese
• Meatloaf and mashed potatoes with green beans - prepping and freezing the meatloaf today.
• BBQ shredded chicken sandwiches - cooking away in the crock pot right now.
• Mac N Cheese - the lazy blue box kind because I need at least three easy dinners this week.
• Mexican something with black beans, rice and green chili enchilada sauce.
• Breakfast - eggs, biscuits or hashed browns, bacon
• Tuesday - Leftovers/on-your-own/whatever.  I'm in class so they'll find something.

I'm also making bean dip for lunches this week.  Rob and Lindsay take their lunches every day and I try to as well.  On Tuesdays, I have to take a whole day's worth of meals with me to work since I don't make it home before heading to class from 4 - 10pm.  This week I've planned to take bagel sandwiches, salads, fried rice and egg rolls, and sandwiches.  

The Planner Struggle

I love planners, organizers, blank and lined notebooks, and all kinds of paper, pens, markers, and pencils.  My favorite color these days is purple and I nearly always write in purple ink.  It's just a quirk and it makes me happy.  I have a traditional planner, use a Google calendar, and have an app on my phone as well.

Sometimes work, school, and life require me to find and stick with some sort of planning system.  I've learned that I can't rely on an electronic calendar on my phone because I don't enter everything, I get frustrated, it doesn't sync, or some other technical blunder.   A Google calendar is great, but it's not always available, or the app on my phone frustrates me.  That being said, I've been searching for a planner that I can live with, that has sections I'll use, that helps me track useful information, has just enough room for appointments, and isn't too big.

Enter Pinterest and Google images.  I think I might like Pinterest a little too much.  I pin everything.  I have lots of boards that help me organize information...  food, counseling, girls group, journaling, stuff for the kids, things I want, lunch ideas and adult beverages.  I have 33 boards, one of which is organization and paperwork which doesn't actually help me organize at all - until this last week.  I found a link for a blog post on making your own planner.  Well, I think the idea was to show what she'd done and offer up her pdf to others who might like to print it, but why use someone else's template when she very clearly talks about why she wanted to customize her own.  So that's just what I did.  I jumped on Excel and built my very own planner, except mine is weekly and I accidentally printed so many pages that I have a planner that will last two years.

I'm having a blast with this planner.  I'm compelled to track self care, hours I slept, and my mood as well as things I really enjoy tracking like grocery lists, meal ideas, ideas for working with clients, and things I want to see more/less of in my life.

Here's the link to the planner if you aren't Excel-inclined or like the layout of mine.  The pages are formatted for legal paper and if you print them both sides, you just have to cut down the center.  You can even create your own cover by using whatever images you want, printing on legal paper, then cutting and laminating it.  Don't forget to take it to your local office store and have them spiral bind it for you.  Have fun!

July 4th Excitement

I guess that's a little misleading.  We went to breakfast at noon, stopped at Home Depot for a few items to make repairs suffered by our house in a recent storm, ran a couple of other errands including a Sonic run for limeades and slushies, and then came home to be lazy.  Some friends of ours stopped by to chat before they headed over to City Park to watch fireworks.  That was the second most exciting part of the day.

The most exciting, or maybe it was the best, was dinner.  We had flat iron steaks and scallops for dinner.  I grilled perfect flat iron steaks, which is kind of a feat for me.  I was going to marinate them in worstershire but I didn't have any.  I did have a generic steak and chop marinade with garlic and black pepper, which worked great.  I guess the key is to put them on the grill at room temperature.  I have a new favorite cut of meat - and they're cheap!  This site has great directions for grilling flat iron steaks.

Other excitement includes a little mini vacation.  Both Rob and I had today off but I also took tomorrow off work.  The only thing I have to do between now and Monday at noon is lead a group on Saturday morning, which is comfortable and fun for me.  The rest of the time is mine.  There are a few things I'd like to get done and maybe a couple of errands I should do but without a crazy-busy schedule to keep up with, I should be rested by Monday.

(Another of the "I found it unfinished but I'm publishing it anyway" series.)

Ski Pasta

This is a recipe from some family friends.  Matt made this in Japan and gave me the recipe and I've never tried it before but he says it's great.  

Ski Pasta
(No, I have no idea why it's called that - maybe they liked to make it after a day of skiing?)

1 medium onion
3 cloves garlic
1 tablespoon butter
1 pound sweet Italian sausage
16 ounces bow-tie pasta (or whatever you like best)
2/3 cups dry white wine
14 ounce can diced tomatoes
1 cup whipping cream
6 tablespoons fresh Italian parsley, chopped
8 ounces Parmesan cheese

Saute onion and garlic in butter until onion is translucent.  Add Italian sausage, brown.  Drain if necessary.  Add wine, simmer about 2 minutes, add tomatoes, simmer about 3 minutes.  Add cream, simmer another 5 minutes.  Cook pasta according to package directions, drain, mix with meat mixture.  Add Parmesan and parsley, mix well and serve.

I might change this a little - puree the tomatoes before adding them and cook a little longer to evaporate most of its juice.  The recipe calls for bottled Parmesan but I might use freshly grated because it makes everything better.  This would go well with a salad and small bread sticks.

Matt was here for about 12 days at the end of May.  He surprised me for my birthday and there were lots of tears.  It was so comfortable having him home, a closeness I had forgotten we had. We didn't have a lot of time together when he was home over New Years', but this time was a lot more family time, talking and hanging out, and I am so grateful for the gift.  He actually emailed me this recipe when he got back to Japan, having forgotten to send it to me while he was here.  

He's doing well, and I'm content to wait another seven months to see him.  Or a year, however long it takes.

Meal Plan... Yes

It's going to be insanely busy this coming week.  Lindsay is back to school after over three weeks off for Winter Break and Matt's visit home from Japan.  I start school after six weeks off, and Rob has darts this week.  I knew the craziness was coming so I prepared when I stopped at the grocery store on Friday.  The meat counter had pre-made black and bleu burgers and bacon cheeseburgers, mini meatloaves, and chicken fried steaks, all ready to cook and all on sale.  I figured it was a good start.

• Sunday - Chicken Fried Steak, mashed potatoes, country gravy, veggies, dun-buttered muffins.
• Monday - Spaghetti with meatballs and vodka sauce, garlic bread, salad
• Tuesday - Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, brown gravy, veggies
• Wednesday - Hamburgers and fries
• Thursday - leftovers/breakfast/ramen...  whatever
• Friday - Mac & Cheese from the box and leftover spiral sliced ham from the freezer
• Saturday - Breakfast for dinner

I'm a huge fan of the Dinner Doctor cookbook, Desperation Dinners, and Cheap. Fast. Good! but since it's been forever since I had time to sit down with my cookbooks, I have no idea where they've gone to.  I knew there was a recipe for the dun-buttered muffins in the Dinner Doctor so I just looked it up online and shared it with you.  I've made them before and the only change I'll make tonight is to add some roasted garlic to them, or maybe sprinkle granulated garlic over the top, though I'd better get on it since it's getting close to dinner-time.

Next week I want to try some sort of black bean and rice dish, probably with ground beef in it, and Japanese Curry and rice.  A friend on Facebook posted a picture of her curry dinner yesterday and I went looking for the recipe - again, online - turns out it's so easy to make, though I'll have to hit the Asian market here in town to find the curry.  Beef, potato, carrot, onion, curry powder, rice - that's it!

Airport Surprises and New Year's Intentions

The craziness of the past several months has culminated in a visit from our Sailor Son, Matt.  I'm pretty sure there's nothing more exciting/heart wrenching/amazing than seeing your military son/daughter/wife/husband/brother/sister (well, you get the point) after they've been gone for awhile, and our son was gone for 14 months.

We met him at the gate when he flew into DIA, which was a total surprise for him.  We hit the ticket counter at a run, asked for - and RECEIVED - gate passes, breezed through security, and then stalled when we made it on the train.  For some reason those trains don't move any faster just because you're in a hurry.  When we got to Concourse B, we speed-walked/ran to the farthest gate - of course.  And then it hit us...  the passengers were already deplaning.  We thought we'd missed him when two pilots walked off the jetway and I was verbal about my disappointment.  We were holding a six-foot long by three-foot tall welcome home banner that had an almost life size picture of our son on it.  A few of the passengers heard us, saw the banner - how could they miss it - and told us he had been behind them on the plane, while another said her daughter sat with him and that he would be off any minute.  I was so excited that I was bouncing on my toes and I started to cry before I even saw him.  It was a great moment full of laughing (he didn't recognize his sister) hugs and tears, one that will live in my memory for a long time...  and it had better, because we didn't take any pictures!

Though my world seems to have ground to a halt while my Sailor is home on leave, the new year came, people are making resolutions, tax season is on the verge of exploding, and life marches on.

I hate resolutions, though I've made, and kept, a few in the past couple of years.  This year I have decided that I will have intentions for the upcoming year rather than resolutions.  My intentions for 2013 are pretty simple: Survive, Thrive.  Yeah, that's about it.  First I'll survive - January tax season at work, three classes a week with a teacher who drives me nuts, fitting routine back into my life after three weeks of holiday preparations.  After that has been accomplished, I will thrive.  I will become a better counselor, enjoy school, and be grateful for those things in my life that have been difficult because of my attitude.

I have a few hopes too...  I hope we can see our Sailor again before next Christmas; that we'll be able to travel to San Diego or Pensacola when he comes back to the States for training.  I hope Rob gets a job so that the pressure I've been living under for the past four months will be relieved.  I also hope that I will continue to do work I consider worthy of a B, though for some reason my professors continue to give me A's for that work. 

Cleaning Up My Beliefs

Something I should think about.  If it doesn't serve a purpose, throw it out.

Left Brain/Right Brain

I really love the way this image captures the differences in the way left/right brains process, see, feel, think...

My mind...

This is my mind right now...  Might also be a good description of "Monkey Mind."

It's kinda freakin' me out...

All the publicity surrounding the shooting at the Dark Night Rises in Aurora last weekend is starting to take it's toll on me.  I guess it's mostly about the sailor that died and how the bubble I imagine my family living in was burst.  So I'm not an idiot, and I never actually believed that there was something that exempted my family from bad things; I've just been able to ignore the fact.  I can't anymore.


Since Sunday night, I'm kept awake by thoughts of a government sedan pulling up in front of my house and uniformed officers getting out.  They walk up my steps and knock on the door...  I don't want to open it because I know why they are there.  I verge on panic and then it subsides because I tell myself it's ridiculous.  Or is it?


I haven't told anyone I know about this, not the navy mom's, not my husband or son, no one.  I'm afraid they will think I've gone off the deep end.  I think I just need some time and space from Colorado's most recent tragedy.  I will not read another article about it, I will avoid postings on Facebook regarding the deaths, I will continue to stick with the Hallmark channel that, thankfully, has no news coverage.

I'm Baking Disabled But I Still Try

I read this great book called Murder on the Rocks by Karen Maclnerney.  In it, the innkeeper bakes a coffee cake and I could almost taste it.  I baked, from scratch*, my own version of a blueberry coffee cake this last weekend, and while it was good, it wasn't great and I was a little disappointed with my version. I finished the book last night and was rewarded with not only a fantastic murder mystery, but recipes were included at the end!  I MUST try this version.

Wicked Blueberry Coffee Cake
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
3 eggs, slightly beaten
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
2 cups flour
1 cup sour cream or vanilla yogurt
2 cups blueberries (fresh or frozen)

1 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour

Cream the butter and sugar.  Add next six ingredients.  Add the 2 cups flour and sour cream (or yogurt) alternately to egg mixture, mixing with a spoon.  Fold in blueberries.  Pour mixture into greased 9"x13" baking pan.  In a separate bowl, cream brown sugar and remaining utter.  Add flour to get a semi-dry mixture.  Spread on top of batter.  Bake in 350-degree oven for 30 minutes.

I think I'll add cinnamon to the topping, and maybe some sliced almonds?  I'm still working on figuring out how to get the blueberries to "float" in the batter rather than sink.  In my first attempt, I tossed fresh blueberries with a little sugar and flour.  It didn't help.

The attached pic is someone else's attempt (looks successful to me!) at Wicked Blueberry Coffee Cake.  Thanks Bobbi at Blogging Along!

* Once again, blogging about something so I can pin it.  Kind of pathetic?  Yes and no.  I think it's important for me to remind myself of things like baking something edible from scratch! 


And seriously?  I didn't have a label called Food?  Oh, have mercy!

Which Step Have You Reached Today?

Job one, job two, internship, online class, and in-seat class - 70 miles away.  It's a wonder I'm still alive.  Really.  The purpose of posting is really just to get a picture up so I can pin it in on a Pinterest board...  yeah, I do that.  I am collecting art, websites, sketches, tool kits - anything that is helpful to me as a beginning counselor.  I saw this on Facebook yesterday and knew it would be useful.

How great is that?!  I work with a lot of eating disorders and I think this kind of walks through their journey...  except instead of "Yes, I did it!" it should be "Yes, I'm doing it!"

In a week or so my load will lighten by the online class so I might just have to come back and catch up.

For now...

You should tell your kids this...

I tear up a lot these days. I did it again last night when I read a blog post* that was about what impacted college athletes the most. Well, what their parents said to them anyway. The heartfelt comment was, "I love to watch you play." 

Wow! Did I tell my boys that? Do I tell my daughter that? I hope my boys know that their football games meant the world to me. In hindsight, sitting at those games and watching them play their hardest were some of the most amazing moments I ever had as a parent. 

These days we watch our daughter play soccer with a renewed spirit (she almost quit last season) as though she plays every game for her brothers... she wants to make them, especially Matt, proud. She's proud of herself too, and there's nothing more awesome to watch as a parent. 

I loved watching my boys play. I love watching my daughter play. 'Nuff said.

*Hands Free Mama

It isn't a competition.... but it feels like it sometimes.

Remember how I said I didn't have the time to put up something well written?  Yeah.

I read an article a few mornings ago where a SAHM related an exhausting average day with her 10 month old and toddler.  While I can appreciate the crazy schedule and constant activity associated with the life of a SAHM  since I was one years ago, I think I'm living a much more complicated circus now.

An average morning begins slowly when I wake  up to my alarm at 6, which I will beat on to make it shut up every seven minutes until about 6:30, when I realize that I'm not actually getting any sleep and I really need to get my 13 year old daughter out of bed and make some coffee.  I stumble out of my bedroom and down the hall, dodging the five cats, four of our own and one foster, that have decided they MUST be fed this very moment.  I call out my daughter's name from her doorway a couple of times and when she doesn't move, I go in to tickle her feet and get her attention.  Some mornings she moans and moves as if she's getting up, and others she lifts a had out from under the covers and gives me all five fingers - she wants five more minutes, but you can see how I might think she's flipped me the bird five times over…  she's 13 after all.

I stumble back into the kitchen and start the coffee, tip over more cats on my way into my bathroom to feed the kitten and then flop back down into my bed.  Now so far I've managed to function without putting on my glasses, but if I intend to make Lindsay get up in two more minutes, I might just need to see.  I put on my glasses, pick up my phone and check to see how many emails my boss has sent me since he got to the office at 5 that morning.  I swear at the incoming to-do list from work, I head back down the hall to drag Lindsay out of bed and grab a cup of coffee, whether it's finished brewing or not.  While Lindsay gets dressed, I go over the emails from work some more, check my personal email, hit facebook for a few minutes, then head for the kitchen to make something for my daughter to eat in the car on the way to school.  My kids have school of choiced for several years and I've just gotten used to driving, and it's not really that far.  I holler for her to get moving, spend five minutes digging around so she can have money for lunch, and we finally get out the door at about 7:20 most mornings.  Before we leave, I remember the foster dog is still in his crate so I put him outside so he can do his business while I'm gone.  The drive to school is about 8 minutes if we don't get stuck behind some idiot checking his text messages in our neighborhood and we don't get stuck at the light that is only red for 90 seconds but seems to go on for 10 minutes.  All in all, it takes me about 20 minutes to make the school run and I'm back home to finish getting ready for my day because I'm still in pj's and have only had time to run a brush through my hair.  Yes, Rob is home.  He generally helps get Lindsay out of bed if she's feeling particularly grouchy and then he jumps in the shower and leaves for work while I'm making the school run.

By 8:10 I'm fairly presentable, unless I didn't take a shower the night before and then I don't become presentable until around 8:30, at which time I should be nearly ready to walk out the door.  I throw some almonds, dried cranberries, granola bars and maybe some cheese in my bag, gather chargers for my nook tablet, laptop and cell phone and run out the door - usually coming back in because I forgot to feed the adult cats and I nearly left the dog outside all day and he'd like to eat too.  So at 8:42 I pull out of the driveway and start munching on the apple I dropped in my bag at the last minute.  I pull into work right at 9am. 

My morning can be crazy-busy or so slow that I'm in tears by my lunch hour.  This particular morning I didn't have to go straight to work, but had an errand to run - the DMV.  I have to pick up motor vehicle reports for our CDL drivers and I hate coming to this place - they always request just one more piece of paper that I don't have, something they neglected to put on their website or tell me when I called to double check.  But this morning is different, I am sent straight to the cashier and she is in a good mood.  She takes forever to fill out her end of the paperwork, but I could care less and I get out of there in 45 minutes with MVR's for five employees; I'll have to come back next week to get the other four, but last week I left with nothing so I figure I scored.  I make it to work today at around 10 and am buried until noon when I throw aside everything and munch on my lunch.  This afternoon was busy again and any hopes of getting more reading done for school are dashed.  Did I mention that I'm a graduate student?  Right now I have class once a week but this summer I'll have one class in Denver on Wednesday night, one in Loveland on Thursday night, and one online.  When I get off work at 4pm, I head over to my second job - yep, I have just started working as the bookkeeper for a counseling firm so they will let me do my practicum at their site this summer.  I work there for two hours and then I pick up my daughter at soccer practice on my way home.  Her dad got off early so he could drop her off and has already left to play darts with his league.  That's what I need to do, join a club that meets once a week at a bar and have me some fun.  Were this a school night, I'd get off work, drive across town to pick up Lindsay, drop her off at soccer and stop somewhere to pick up dinner.  Class starts at six and ends at nine.  My husband picks Lindsay up from soccer practice those nights and I have tried to have an easy recipe ready or have something ready to be heated in the refrigerator for their dinner, but mine comes from a fast food restaurant or a convenience store.  When I get home it's around 9:30pm and I let the foster dog out to go potty, smoke a cigarette, and then read or do homework until my eyes cross.  I've been an insomniac lately and sometimes can't get to sleep until 2am, but I normally get six and a half hours of sleep.

The days that are lighter, I can actually write a paper or post in the online portion of my classes; I can create meal plans and try to make the time to shop for those plans; I run to the grocery store for items forgotten or changes in plans; I pay bills and write quick emails to my son who's stationed in Japan with the Navy; sometimes I even invite my oldest son and his girlfriend over for dinner.  There's little time for personal pursuits, and sometimes I just let the class reading go so I can enjoy a novel.

I'm not saying that SAHM's don't have a lot going on - they do - but sometimes it seems like they want to shove it in the faces of those of us with jobs that they're not only doing something great and wonderful (staying with their children to raise and nurture them) but they're lives are much crazier than working mom's.  It isn't a competition.  I think that they're probably luckier than I am in that they can enjoy their children more than I get to, and their lives are fuller, more complete.  I used to stay home with my kids but then we needed more income and I would have killed to have an adult conversation every day.  Our lives changed and I couldn't give my daughter the wonderful gift I gave my boys - I couldn't stay home with her every day.

Pain

Today is a day filled with pain and discomfort.  My back, neck, hips and head all hurt.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I’ve been getting more sleep – last night I was in bed just after 9 o’clock and asleep before 10.  I can’t wait to get home and curl up in pajamas.  But first, I have to wait until 4 so I can leave work, then I have to run to Lindsay’s school to see her participate in the Solo and Ensemble contest.  I think that only lasts 20 minutes to half an hour.  And the good news is that it’s after school at her school, not Saturday morning at a school across town, the way it was when the boys were in junior high.

Rob has darts tonight and there’s a pizza leftover in the ‘fridge so my evening is all set.  The only thing that could make it more perfect would be if I wasn’t hurting so much. I suppose it would help if I’d take something for it…  okay, two Aleve and half a muscle relaxant.  Crossing my fingers it helps me get through the rest of the afternoon.

The source of my stress...

I have a little relief from the stress today.  I talked to my advisor yesterday and agreed that dropping one of my classes this semester wasn’t such a bad idea.  It’s better to pass one class than fail two.  I think I might be setting myself up for future stress but I just have had the most horrible year and a half. 

Things have to line up just perfectly for increasing stress in my life.  Everything kind of hinges on Rob getting a better job, any job.  Anything but fast food, or retail, or…  who am I kidding.  He needs to get a job in his field working for the industry rate.  And he has to do that in four months or less.  I need to leave my job to take one at a counseling firm that will also let me do my practicum and internship there.  It’s nearly my dream job, but it can’t happen if Rob and I can’t handle the pay cut that it will require.  Oh, such fun!

But tonight I’m just going to worry about whether or not Psych will be good.  It’s the season premier and we’re trying the new Bacon Cheeseburger pizza from Papa Murphy’s.  It’s a family couch date and I’m looking forward to it…  and then falling asleep all comfy and warm in my bed before by 10pm.

Lonely

It’s depressing when friends move away. Mine have been doing it for years and Rob has been kind enough to point out that it might have something to do with me. Ass.

I live in a college town so it shouldn’t surprise me when I make friends with people that are students and they move upon graduation – but I don’t only make friends with students. It’s just the nature of this city I guess.

I’m struggling with the loss of one of my dear friends. She moved two weeks after Matt left for boot camp, I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s really raw right now. She moved to Colorado Springs, which isn’t Mars but it might as well have been, as often as Rob and I manage to get out of Northern Colorado. Now she and her husband are moving to the western slope… over six hours drive through the mountains. I guess we might see them once a year and I know I’ll survive – I managed to live through LJ’s move 17 years ago and she never moved back, she hardly comes back, and I’ve only gone to see her twice. Sigh.

I guess I’ll have to make new friends again. Like it’s that easy.

No Motivation - For Anything

Sick. I hate being sick. Jake gave me a cold when he came over eleven days ago, I got sick nine days ago, and I still have the cough and chest congestion. It's getting old. And I'm wearing down. I was falling asleep on the couch last night at 8:30 and held out until 9 so I could send Miss Lindsay to bed - or insist she get in it. I crawled into my own bed and passed out.

I talked to a Navy Mom last night that attends the same grad program I'm in. She suggested I drop my second class this semester because I'm so worn down that I can hardly keep up with the one class I'm in. I'm not sure what that would do to my schedule since I really only have two years to finish school. I have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow and I'll talk with her about it then.

I got to Skype with Matt on Saturday night for an hour. It was a nice easy conversation and it made my world just right. I miss him a lot, but it's easier to handle when I get to see his face and have those lazy talks.

I haven't felt like cooking much for the past week - ever since Mike and Jenn were here and I was too sick to make them enchilada's. It's kind of depressing not to be able to cook for your friends. The only plans I have for dinner this week are skillet lasagne and burgers. I guess the week will look something like this:

February 27 - March 4, 2012

• Monday - Ranch burgers with fries and carrots.
• Tuesday - I'll be in class so I have no idea what they're eating.
• Wednesday - Skillet lasagne with garlic bread while Lindsay and I watch the season premier of Psych!
• Thursday - Canned soup, since Rob will be at darts and Lindsay and I aren't pickey.
• Friday - Sunday - maybe I'll have some inspiration by then.

In the meantime, I have to buy small amounts of tropical fruit and some random leafy green veggies to feed the hermit crabs we bought Lindsay over the weekend.

Margaritaville

Again, it’s been a while.  I’m not sure I’ll ever get back into blogging the way I used to.  I think part of it is that I feel like I have to post something of substantial length, well written, and well thought out.  I just don’t have it in me anymore to put all that energy into a blog post.  I have papers to write, I have presentations/papers on treatment to put together, I have to figure out how to understand all the reading I have every week because there’s a STATE BOARD (and maybe National board too?) in my future and it’s all freaking me out.

Hmmm, that was kind of therapeutic.  I guess that’s my major stressor right there.  I don’t test well.  Well, crap!

Anyhoo….  Yesterday Jake called me and asked if I’d meet him at Zquila (a Mexican place near my house that has AMAZING margs and cheap happy hour food) for a drink after work.  It’s kind of weird that I’m meeting my son for a drink.  I still think he should be 11.  He was a pretty neat 11 year old; he’s a pretty neat 21 year old too.  I had a great time; we talked for an hour and a half about job searches and school, his brother and sister, tattoo’s and piercings…  everything.  He bought me a shot of something called a Zombie Brain?  Yuck.

If he hadn’t changed his mind and separated from the Navy DEP, he’d be in boot camp right now.  Sobering thought.  I’m so glad he isn’t.

As always, February is made interesting by Michael’s birthday.  It’s tomorrow and he would have been 23.  It’s not sad anymore.  He exists in our lives – even Lindsay talks about him sometimes, she even put him in her French assignment about her family.  The boys did that too when they were growing up.  Michael is with us.

I called Matt last night.  He got an iPhone because it has a really cool app that will give him a local number so he can make and receive free calls and texts from the States.  It was good to hear his voice and even about the boredom associated with painting fans.  Yeah, I don’t know, I didn’t ask. 

Meal Plan and Dolphin Sighting

I always make a meal plan, sometimes it's in my head (and not very useful) and other times I write it down on scraps of paper that get lost.  I'm not very good at keeping track of it.  So When I wrote up my meal plan and used the same page in my notebook to write my shopping list, I figured I had to make myself a copy to put on the fridge.  And since I did that, I should post it here - seeing as how I took the effort to make one and everything.

But before I get into that, did you know you can make pumpkin spice coffee with a tablespoon of pumpkin pie spice?  Oh, YUM!  I read about it this weekend and made it this morning.  I don't like flavored coffee all the time but occasionally it's fun.  It's really simple, just put the grounds in the filter and add 1 tablespoon of pumpkin pie spice on top and then brew as normal.  You can mix it in but it doesn't really matter.  I made eight cups of coffee, for four cups, use 1-1/2 teaspoons of spices. 

Matt made it to his first ship and he called me yesterday to let me know he'd gotten there and was safe.  The ship is way bigger than he'd expected and he saw his first dolphin.  He was tired so that's all I managed to get out of him.  We'll be able to communicate regularly once he gets his email set up but who knows when that will be.  Right now I'm just working on getting back into some sort of normal (whatever that is) routine.  I think I'm going to start posting care package ideas, or what I put into the care packages I send.  I'm clueless right now because I had two boxes all ready to ship the things he left behind and then he told me not to send them just yet because he doesn't need what's in them right now.  Hmmmm.... 

Week of November 6 - 12, 2011

• Roast with Horsetooth Hot Sauce rub, onions and mushrooms in the crock pot.  Mashed sweet potatoes and beets.  I made sour cream horseradish sauce to go with this.
• Beef stir fry, egg rolls and egg drop soup.  I bought sweet and sour sauce but not hot mustard - I hope I have some because egg rolls require hot mustard.
• Chicken pasta carbonara and salad.
• Meatloaf with homemade macaroni and cheese and green beans.  I kind of want to do mashed sweet potatoes instead of mac and cheese.
• Bacon and bleu pizza with salad.
• Taco soup with cheesy tortillas. For Thursday night when Rob is playing darts.
• Hamburger helper and corn for the night I have class.  Rob and Lindsay like this sort of thing.

Some meals ideas for next week:

• Pumpkin waffles with bacon and eggs.  I just love breakfast for dinner.
• Butternut squash soup - I love this stuff but I've never made it.
• Grilled cheese and tomato soup.

It's time to start writing again....

Things have been crazy for so long and I haven't kept much of a record of it - except on Facebook and that's not great for journaling. I was surprised to see that I'd actually written something here in 2011, but not nearly enough.

Matt graduated from high school in May and we held a graduation/going away party at the beginning of June.  My wonderful friend hosted it at her home and it was amazing.  The following week, Matt spent time with his friends and had family time, culminating in a trip for 10 to the Denver Zoo on Sunday and a barbeque at our house that evening.  The Monday he was to leave - wow, it still brings a lump to my throat - we all woke up early and got ready to go to breakfast at 9:00.  We met his friends and my parents at IHOP, enjoying our last moments with him before he left.  At 10:30 we left and picked up a few last minute items at Walgreens, got some paperwork from the bank and went home.  When we got there, Matt went in his room and cried; the rest of did too.  I spoke to him in his room a few times and then Rob said he should get ready to go since his brother was supposed to have him to the recruiter's office at noon.  We all went outside and hugged him, crying.  When his brother drove him away, my daughter and I stood outside in the driveway wrapped around my husband and loudly sobbed for several minutes.

Fast forward through all of the pain and anguish of learning to live without him in our lives every day - two whole months (eye roll).  He didn't die but I had never really understood what it was to be cut off from one of my children, if only for a short time.  In August we went to Chicago to watch PIR (Pass In Review - Navy Boot Camp Graduation) and it was amazing to see him - and he LOOKED amazing too.  I said to Rob at breakfast that Saturday morning that he looked like he belonged in the uniform, like he'd waited his whole life to be big enough, mature enough, to wear it with pride.  My heart melted and I've never been more proud of him.

I started the Professional Counseling program at Colorado Christian University and I'm totally overwhelmed.  And…  I find myself smack dab in the middle of an "I don't give a sh*t" moment with a paper due in just under a week.  Not a good place.  I hope it's just a bad week or two.  If it isn't, I'm going to have to consider taking a year off school.  I just can't be in school under this amount of pressure for an extended length of time.  I could have a stroke.  Just kidding….  Maybe not.

Ramblings of a Crazy Person

I just realized that my mothers birthday is tomorrow. She'll be… well, that's not important. She bought herself a Nook two weeks ago so I think I'll get her a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble.
My life has become a pressure cooker. Between planning Matt's graduation/going away party and trying to figure out how to get to Chicago in August, being on the board of the rescue, fostering dogs, stressing over how to pay for prom tickets and Lindsay's growing distaste for soccer, I thought I was overwhelmed… And then Jake started talking about joining the Reserves. We talked about it a couple of times and he was going back and forth between the Army and Navy. Tuesday night he called me up and said he'd made a decision. He has decided to go into the Navy, but there's a catch… he's going active rather than reserves. That means that both of my boys will be gone for four years, at the same time. We likely won't have them back here together for all of that time. I'm not doing well, but I have to be supportive.
A friend of mine sent me a text last night asking if I was doing okay. She's not very attentive… that's the nice way of saying that the friendship is hit and miss. She'd seen all my posts on facebook about the boys breaking my heart and decided that she'd ask me how I was doing… in a text. I'm just not from that generation. I don't think that a text is good conversation and I decided I didn't want to deal with her so I just said I was fine and left it at that. At least she doesn't have to feel bad about not being a good friend. I let her off the hook.
Graduate school starts August 22. Oh, I didn't mention… I got into the program! Very cool. Anyway, I'm hoping that I'm not so stressed by the time I start school again. We'll be going to Chicago, Great Lakes actually, for PIR from the Navy RTC at the end of the second week of August for Matt. We'll go back sometime in September or October for Jake. We decided that it will be cheaper to rent a car and drive than to fly. It will take 15 hours, plus stops, so I think we'll plan to start at night when Lindsay can crash for a lot of it. Maybe I'll have to put a bunch of movies on my computer for her to watch.
I suppose that I should post a menu or two. I love being able to keep track of them here but I haven't been posting. I'll have to go back and find all the little pieces of paper I scribbled dinners down on.
Anyway, tonight is the night Matt, Lindsay and I have dinner together. Rob is out playing darts so the kids and I can have whatever we want for dinner without Rob refusing to eat. He's picky and he makes me crazy sometimes. Lindsay is picky too, but I just make her try it and ignore the complaints. Tonight we're having Stouffers Macaroni and Cheese. I found the box in the freezer this morning and thought all day about how good it would taste. Alongside that rich, gooey mac n cheese, I'm serving broccoli. And that will be dinner. Yum.
So menu's will have to wait. I'll hunt them down and post them when I can.

SNOW DAY... Or should I say, It's-too-freaking-cold-to-keep-the-buses-running-Day!

It's cold here in Northern Colorado.  So cold that the school district didn't know if they could get the buses started in the morning, therefore stranding kids in below zero weather while waiting for the bus.  They also don't want kids walking to school when the windchill is -24, our predicted morning weather.  I really hate cold weather.

On the bright side, I survived January, finished my last class at Grand Canyon University, finished my application to Colorado Christian University, and have a general feeling of contentment with the choices I have made for my life in the recent past. 

I have been really busy these past several weeks with so many different.  I've written a press release, guidelines for foster homes, reviewed a 501(c)(3) narrative, attended a board meeting, updated my resume, wrote my admissions essay and have the books at work nearly done.  I should be able to send them to the accountant tomorrow - if I don't decide to take the day off work and stay home with the kids watching movies and drinking hot chocolate while staying warm under a blanket on the couch.

My husbands grandfather had surgery six days ago to remove his gallbladder.  The day after the surgery he experienced severe chest pain and was transferred to the cardiac ward where he has been ever since.  He is slightly disconnected with reality and confused due to the pain medications and the doctors haven't been able to give the family a prognosis.  To complicate matters more, he broke his shoulder at the family Christmas party and didn't tell anyone because he was embarrassed...  an 87 year old man, playing basket ball with his 11 year old great-granddaughter fell and broke his shoulder.  I'm not sure what he was embarrassed about.  He told his wife two weeks later when he couldn't stand the pain any longer.  They had finally scheduled surgery on his shoulder when he had to have emergency surgery on his gallbladder.  The situation doesn't look good.  Losing grandparents isn't easy, yet it is a fact of life.  I've lost both of mine - one six years ago, the other this last December.  I haven't even begun to process my own loss; now I have to be there for my husband and children.

So life goes along at its own pace, throwing in the curves along with the easy rides.  Maybe I will call in tomorrow and take a break.

Second Week of January Hell

As far as my personal life, last week went as smooth as silk.  Evenings were relaxed and dinner was a breeze.  I didn't know what to do with myself when I came home to slow cooker dinners.  I had so much more time on my hands that I had no need to try and stay awake until midnight - I was in bed by 9 every night and asleep before 10.  Amazing.

Work, on the other hand, was awful.  I hope I survive this month.  I'm convinced that I will be actively looking for a job at the beginning of February.  Sigh...

So my plan for this week is...

• Potato Soup with bacon, sharp cheddar and bread or toast.
• Taco Soup with cheesy tortillas.
• Broccoli Beef with rice and egg rolls.
• Stuffed pasta shells in marinara sauce with green beans.
• Chili with all the fixin's. (can make this in the slow cooker)
• Chicken (or Turkey) Divan with rice.  (another slow cooker dinner)
• Pot Roast with baby bakers, carrots and biscuits. (slow cooker definite)

I feel a little bad that we're having soup twice this week and Rob doesn't have darts until next week, but I'm really in the mood for soup and they're cheap, easy, filling meals, great for this cold weather.  I had to be a little sparing with my food budget this week and this weeks groceries only cost me $36.  Score!  I shopped my freezers and pantry.

For breakfast this week we have cereal, oatmeal, whole grain apple muffins and mini pancakes.  I wish I'd bought some microwave sausage, but the kids will survive.  We've been getting out the door earlier this last week, a habit I hope we'll continue, so they even have time to eat breakfast at school if they didn't grab anything on the way out the door.

I'm prepared to pack Lindsay a lunch again this week.  I did it every day for about two months at the beginning of the school year and then I just couldn't do it any more.  I even tracked it every week on facebook.  This week, at least a couple of days, she'll be having soup (chicken tortilla or leftover taco) with crackers and cheese or leftovers from either the turkey divan or broccoli beef along with some ramen noodles and a side of hot sauce.  Strange child, she is.  Everything's got to have hot sauce to go along.

January and Other Horrors

Something about today - the last day of our holiday break - gave me the strength to face the coming month.  January is chaos at work, Thursday I start the last three weeks of my last class at Grand Canyon University, and I'm starting to feel as though I have some say in the direction of my marriage.

I have been struggling lately in my relationship...  I guess the right way to phrase that is that we have been struggling.  We're not communicating well, but we've never been great at it. I'm going to listen better, process what he says and then respond rather than react.  I think I just made a New Year's resolution.  I'm not comfortable with calling it that - I think I'll just make a vow to myself to try harder to be present in my relationship.

My relationship with the University I attend is a whole different animal.  That relationship is over.  Besides the administrative difficulties and instruction failures they have, the program I'm in is one of the worst to try to take online.  If you only have to show your degree/transcripts to work in a field, I'm sure online is great.  When you have to pass state boards and really know the subject inside and out...  well, lets just say that I've spent almost $6,000 on classes and don't know much more than the day I started.  I need to be in a classroom, talking with people, practicing what I'm learning, and really absorbing it.  UoP is launching a program at the Westminster campus sometime in March and I'm going to transfer.  It will be tough to drive down to Denver once a week, leaving at 4:30 and getting home around 11pm, but it will be worth it.

Like every January for the last 12 years, I'm about to head into hell at work.  Closing up the books for the previous tax year always takes every last bit of energy I have.  Hopefully I can ease into it; my boss is leaving for a conference on Wednesday afternoon and will be gone the rest of the week.  I keep telling myself that this is the last January I'll have to do at this job.  I'm crossing my fingers that I can get my act together and find another job before the end of the year.  After all, I'm in a field I've been tired of for at least 10 years.

Cooking Makes Me Happy

And so does meal planning.  If I plan what I'm going to make during the week, I have the ingredients I need and there are no last minute shopping trips, which cost more money than they should.  I truly hate going to the grocery store when I get off work.

I rarely decide what day I'm going to make something; it's too restrictive for me, especially when I forget to thaw something - I feel like I'm falling behind.  The definite exception is soup.  Rob doesn't like soup so during dart season, I plan soup dinners for Lindsay, Matt and myself on Thursdays when he plays. 

So this is my list for the week of January 2 - 8, 2011.

• Green Chili Chicken Enchiladas
• Macaroni and Cheese Casserole (Kraft, tuna, mushroom soup and peas - simple and comforting)
• Rotisserie Chicken Tacos
• Puff Pastry Pizza with pepperoni, green peppers, mushrooms
• Crock Pot Lasagna with salad and french bread
• Crock Pot Beef Stroganoff with green beans and garlic bread
• Breakfast for Dinner - Waffles, eggs and bacon.  The waffle maker I got for Christmas is amazing.

It took me about an hour of reading recipes and looking at past meal plans while drinking coffee, watching television and playing with our foster dog to come up with this plan and write the shopping list.  Now, if I can only fit all of these ingredients in our refrigerator and freezers. 

We have a lot of random leftovers from the holidays.  There are three half-gallons of eggnog, orange juice, ice in the deep freeze (great for using to shake up a Cosmo), artichoke dip, rolls, and random half-packages of Schwans frozen food.  I also have frozen turkey in the deep freeze but I don't want to use it all up right away.  We had turkey pot pie with with garlic parmesan cream sauce.  I'd post the recipe but I really do suck at writing them.

2010 in Review

2010 was interesting.  I received my undergrad degree, started graduate school, decided I hated my job enough to actually consider moving on, decided I had made a horrible choice in colleges, my son enlisted in the Navy, my grandfather died, and so many marital problems...  the last few moments of 2010 summed up the whole year.  Miserable.

 

Other items of note:

• I had 8 posts here in 2010.  What kind of awful is that?!  When I first started this blog I loved writing here; I loved being able to put my thoughts somewhere.  Now I tell myself I'm too busy or that I don't have the energy.  I think the real reason is that I don't want to see how awful I felt about my life. 
• I started fostering dogs in 2010 and the one we have right now had puppies on December 13.  Seven were born, three have survived to date.
• I realized that, after years of not buying myself new clothes, I have one pair of jeans, one pair of casual work slacks and one pair of nice work slacks.  I have several nice summer blouses but almost nothing for winter. 
• I have two four-year old pajama pants, both of which have holes in them.  I asked for new ones for Christmas but Rob was being an ass and decided I should have a bathrobe instead.  Not the same thing and not nearly as useful. 
• I received two broken Christmas presents.  That pretty much sums up my year.
• I spent a Christmas gift card on groceries - just because.
• I discovered that lime vodka makes amazing Cosmopolitans.
• Three or four of these Cosmo's (drunk one right after the other) will make me go right to sleep.  I think that makes them cheaper than most over the counter sleep aids.
• Letting your family know that you aren't happy doesn't generally yield any results.  There needs to be yelling or something equally jarring in order to remove their heads from their various electronic devices.

This list could go on and on but it's just whining. 

Random Crap - Again

I joined a group called Navy Mom Connection and talked with someone from there tonight.  It feels so weird - and it's heartbreaking - to be thinking about when Matt leaves and begins a life that doesn't include us.  Not that I thought he would be mine his whole life.  One day he'll just leave and he won't be home for months, as in many.  And this won't be his home anymore.  His home will be wherever the Navy sends him.

The transition will be so quick in fact, that his sister will move into his room when he leaves for RTC because he won't be back.  We will see him (hopefully) eight weeks later for (again, hopefully) a few days after graduation and then he'll leave for A School in Florida.

How do military moms - parents - handle this transition?  I think about this all the time now.  I know that parents have been doing this for decades, I just wonder how I will handle it.

All the crap that life has shoveled my way...

I haven't stuck with a meal plan in a long time.  I wrote up seven days worth of meals, put together a shopping list, checked the cupboards, and headed out to the grocery store.  Seven meals, plus breakfast and a few lunch items, added up to about $170.  Damn!

• Spicy Shredded Beef with potato salad
• Enchilada Casserole and salad
• Easy Crock Pot Chicken with long grain and wild rice
• Macaroni and Cheese Casserole (comfort food at its best)
• Hot Brown with tomato and asparagus (first time I've ever made this)
• Chicken Piccata with salad and marinated mushroom/Havarti/artichoke appetizers
• Steak and Gravy, Crock Pot style with mashed potatoes

I'm taking Matt to the recruiter's for his first briefing.  I don't know if I'm allowed to stay, but I thought I'd go so that I could get some information.  Worst case scenario, I head over to Barnes and Noble and do some homework or read to escape reality.  Better than drinking escape reality, right?  Okay, I tried that too - but it didn't work.

I went on the NavyforMoms.com site and some woman actually said to another worried mom whose son was in his second or third week of boot to 'calm down and get over yourself.'  That's what they call support?  I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.

I'm feeling a bit stupid right now.  I can't figure out how to allow URL links in comments.  Does anyone know how to make this change in Blogger?  I've looked at the comments options but I can't figure it out.  Is it even possible in Blogger?  I'm wondering if I shouldn't migrate this blog to the one I have over at Wordpress that's been dead for a year and a half.

Things are about to change...

My son enlisted in the Navy yesterday.  I never imagined this for one of my kids.

Pepsi Refresh Project - A Soft Place To Land, Inc.

Update - 1/1/11
It looks as though we've finally landed in not only the top 10, but FIRST PLACE!  We'll receive notification from Pepsi on Monday the 3rd.  I'm so excited to be a part of this group and make this a rescue a success.

I'm on the board of a very small, very new dog rescue.  This group of women save dogs from being euthanized when they are considered useless by puppy mills.  They, we, provide them with safe and comfortable homes where they are socialized and shown that people are kind, spay or neuter them, and then place them for adoption.

A Soft Place To Land, Inc. is competing in the Pepsi Refresh Project for a $25,000 grant to pay for the 501(c3) (non-profit status), PACFA (Pet Animal Care Facilities Act) application, veterinarian costs, and so much more.  This is a very worthy cause and I ask you to check them out and vote every day.  Voting ends October 31 and we need to be in the top 10 in order to receive the grant.

I've included a link to the right to vote for us.  You may also vote by texting* 102827 to Pepsi (73774).

*Standard text messaging rates apply.

Random Crap

Yeah, okay...  I may have to revert to posting weekly menus in order to post something here.  It's probably only interesting to me but that's okay. 

- Easy Chicken Enchiladas, rice, beans
- Meatloaf, baby baker potatoes, green beans
- Canadian bacon with apples and onions, sweet potato mash
- Taco's
- Mac N Cheese with Chicken
- Spaghetti and meatballs
- Some sort of soup

I've finished up my Counseling Theories class - or will on Wednesday.  This one was a killer and I'm hoping that things get easier rather than harder.  I've asked a friend to let me know if she hears anything about Time or Stress Management workshops in the area; I really need help in that aspect. My next class is Dual Disorders, focusing on - I believe - psychological disorders and alcohol or drug abuse.  So much fun.

Homecoming week is upon us.  All week long Matt's high school will be having activities for homecoming - the three biggest are a huge bonfire on Thursday night, the football game on Friday and dance on Saturday.  I think all the kids really love this week just because the district tries to make it fun.  Matt will have his senior pictures done on October 3.  I'm not doing them like I did for Jake.  Matt mowed a photographer's lawn this summer in exchange for his pictures.  I'm sure they'll be a lot better than mine.

And on my final note of randomness - completely outdoing myself for making the least sense ever and having no point whatsoever - I'm reading a great series these days... The Hallows Series (Rachel Morgan) by Kim Harrison.  This series of books can be described as paranormal murder-mystery romance - otherwise known as vampire smut.  Oh, dear Lord.  It's brain candy at its best, and I swore I'd never read anything like Twilight (still won't read that, by the way).

I'll wrap this up with a link to a blogger-friend of mine - I think the sentiment is appropriate these days.

New Friends

I used to think I had a hard time making friends but I don't really think that's the case. I'm picky. I like people who are moms, who have lives that are just as crazy as mine, and who don't really have time to spend on their friends. That's what makes it difficult. The last woman I met whom I liked, works a full time job, has two little girls, goes to school part time, and is married to a man that is a full time student. Wow. And I thought I was busy.

Rob met her husband a year ago. They became friends at school and wanted to get the two families together. I balked. I don't like meeting new people; it's awkward and a lot of the time, the other families we've met are too different or... out of our league? He tried to arrange a picnic last summer, a barbecue, a day at the lake - he was relentless. I said no. I was under a lot of pressure with my senior capstone, finishing up my degree, surviving a job that I can't stand, my oldest son was graduating and starting his own life. I made all the excuses I could think of.

At the beginning of this summer, my husband started talking about getting together with this other family again. This time he said he wasn't taking no for an answer. I finally (and literally) threw up my hands and said, "Fine, lets plan to meet them at the lake and barbecue." I picked the date and he made all the plans. My job was to show up. And I did. And I really enjoyed myself. It took a little while for the ice to break, and when it did, this amazing woman and I sat talking about everything and nothing for hours. Our kids played and fished, husbands talked and talked (and fished a little), and this woman and I talked - endlessly. I was sad when the day came to an end. I was also exhausted and burned and dragging a complaining 11 year-old home.

I had enjoyed myself so much that day, I told my husband that we had to do it again - soon! We went to the New West Fest, spending the day walking around, feeding our kids 'fair food' and listening to the free concerts. This year the Fest had margaritas at their Brewfest section, so when we were done walking around and doing everything, we sent out kids with our husbands to ride all the crazy, expensive rides, and the moms? Well, we bought margaritas, picked out a spot on the grass and talked for as much time as we could get. I really liked her. We decided to exchange phone numbers and befriended each other on Facebook.

I've talked to her on the phone twice now; always after her kids are in bed and mine are on their way. I can relate to her because she's raising a family, working and surviving school - not just surviving but excelling. It's nice to venture out of your comfort zone sometimes. You don't always meet people you can enjoy at soccer practices or the bleachers at football games. Sometimes it's good to let your husband set you up with someone - you never know what the rewards will be.

It's been forever!

My life got completely out of hand. First, I walked in commencement exercises with Regis University in December and then I actually was awarded my degree in March. I am the proud owner of a mint condition Bachelor of Science, Magna Cum Laude, Applied Psychology. MAGNA CUM LAUDE people!

Knowing my degree wasn't going to pay me enough to start repaying the staggering amount that I now owe to the Federal Loan Program, I was already on the ball. I applied to, and was accepted at, Grand Canyon University for a Master of Science, Professional Counseling degree. I started June 3. So far I have one "A" and am working on my second one. At this point though, I just want to pass. Having two children living at home with active social lives and sports schedules, balancing that with a part time job and being in graduate school... oh, yeah, I'm a wife too - now when do I get to have any time for me? I'm working on it.

Jake moved out last October. He graduated from high school, enrolled in college, found roommates and decided to jump ship. Can't blame him though; it was time for him to spread his wings and have his own life. It's quiet around here without him. Well, the quiet is a relative term. With a 'tween and a 17 year old in the house, there is plenty of noise, but Jake had this huge, loud personality. I miss him.

Jake is about to turn 20 (in less than two weeks!), Matt will be 18 two days after that, and Lindsay will be 12 in October. Holy crap, I'm feeling old! I'm pretty sure I'm not mature enough to have a 20 year old son.

What Happend To The Weekend? Or, What Was I Thinking?

It is sooo hard to be motivated to be anything but a slug when the whole weekend was filled with chaos and craziness. Anyone else ever feel like that? I do, all the time.

Just as soon as things drop 10 levels of insane at work, and my home life explodes with self-inflicted busyness. I offered to do a tax return for a friend and it took around eight hours to finish because there was some bookkeeping involved. She was in town for a while and I hadn't seen her in almost three years. It was a really nice visit and the return wasn't so bad, but that was only the beginning.

The weekend started on Friday at noon when I got off work. I had decided to make a 'quick' stop at the grocery store and figure out what to make her for lunch/dinner since people have to eat and I love to cook. My imagination never kicked in and after 45 minutes I finally checked out with the makings of a dipping party - an awesome nacho cheese dip, potato chips and french onion dip, salsa, guacamole, and the bread for some dips I'd pick up at my favorite S*uper S*ppers location. Matt gets off early on Friday's so I headed from the grocery store to the high school. I was on a schedule - my friend May was due in town any minute and she'd be over at my house soon! I was about a hundred feet from the entrance to the parking lot at the high school when one of my front tires went flat. These kinds of things just have no respect for schedules. I don't know about you, but I just don't include tire changes in my job description; I carry roadside insurance for just such occasions. The only problem is that the guy that came to change my tire didn't get that I had a schedule either. And then the spare tire was almost flat as was the tire on the other side... So basically, screw the schedule.

We got home at around three in the afternoon and May wasn't waiting for me, she called around five and said she'd be there by six but nine o'clock rolled around before she parked in front of my house. I wasn't angry. May has just started a dog rescue and she was dropping dogs that had been destined for death off with various no-kill shelters.

Previously a draft 2/9/10 - worth publishing 1/1/11

The Life and Times

See how well that regular posting thing turned out. Yeah, that's why I didn't make any promises to myself.

I'm in two classes right now, one online (Adult Spirituality), the other in the classroom (The Family). The Family is primarily a sociology class so I'm not used to just looking at the statistics and saying, "Well that's interesting." I'm more interested in why something is happening not just that it happened. That being said, it's an easy class. I do the reading and writing the night before and then attend class the next evening. The instructor lectures for almost the whole time, rarely stopping for anyone to add anything constructive. No biggie.

Adult Spirituality, on the other hand, is one that makes me dig deep. Not that I thought it was going to be easy, but WOW! I'm dedicating two days a week to that class and I'd bet it would be easier if I'd spend four days doing the reading and posting. I just don't seem to have that much time right now.

Work is getting lighter now. I'm nearly done with prepping the books for the accountant. Today my boss said it was no big deal if we waited until next week to finish everything up. Talk about a big sigh of relief. Now I can deal with other pressing matters, like renewing our Cost Containment Certification which I haven't had to do for the past three years and is due in just a few days.

While my work load at my job may be lightening up, tax season for individuals is about to ramp up. For the last several years I've helped out friends here and there with their taxes. I've always done it as a favor or out of friendship in the past but this year the cost of the program and my dwindling time are requiring me to charge a small fee. I've already got two returns lined up, besides ours and Jake's.

My hubby lost his job due to lack of work last week. We were kind of expecting it, so it wasn't a shock. Thankfully he should get unemployment and that will fill the void until he can find something suitable. This whole situation kind of leaves me stunned in another way though. Every time some sort of financial crisis has threatened to befall us, I lose my mind. I stress out; I cry; I make others around me miserable and worsen the impact on my family. This time I'm pretty calm about it. I know that we'll be okay, we've been through worse. Maybe I'm just growing up. I guess you can still do that in your 30's, right?

I got some good news when I was leaving campus tonight. I've been looking at grad programs at several different universities for nearly a year now. Ideally I'd like to attend Regis in their Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology but they only offer the program in Denver and Broomfield and I'm just not willing to drive an hour once a week to sit in class for four hours in the evening. It would be torture. I know five people, maybe six, who would like to attend the same program but the drive is just a deal breaker. Tonight I was told by the night manager that the Fort Collins campus had been contacted by the program in Denver asking if they had some specific technology that the program requires. It's possible that they're already looking at bringing the program up here and I was given contact information and guidance on convincing them that it was a good idea.

So, YEA! Things are looking up. Busy season is ending at work, grad school may be possible with the school I'm interested in, and we won't be living in our car due to the job loss.

For You.... You know who you are!

It's been almost seven months to the day since I've posted. But you knew that already, right?

I won't cover everything that happened in the time since I disappeared, it's just too much. Some happy, some horrible - lets just say that life happens. I won't promise I'll post regularly either.

Well, here goes...

Merry Christmas! Ours was pretty good. I threw a party for the in-laws. There were 30 people and it was great. It was also a lot more work than I thought it would be however, if I do it again next year, I'll know what to expect and how to pull it off without as much stress.

My family celebrated at my mothers on Christmas Eve. My brothers and their wife/girlfriend (respectively) along with their children and my husband and kids all chipped in and bought my parents a new LCD television and my younger brother built a custom entertainment center. It was great. My parents hadn't bought a new television since the late '80's!

On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day my family was all together under the same roof. This is a big deal because Jake, the oldest, moved out of our home into an apartment in October. I miss him a lot but the quiet that replaced him is pretty nice too. You know I love you honey!

The kids left to go to the in-laws cabin up near Walden on Christmas Night, leaving my hubby and I alone for the weekend. We truly had no idea what to do with ourselves.

We have one last holiday gathering to attend. The annual New Year's Eve party held by our dear friends. I will certainly need it after the final three work days of the year have beaten me to a pulp.

Out of the Will

It's no secret that I don't like my mother-in-law's. I've said as much before. But MIL-1 is now officially out of the will. She's screwed up one too many times and I just can't ever forgive her.

Jakegraduated from high school last Saturday. We sent announcements/invitations to family and friends, just like normal people do. We weren't asking for gifts or money, we were just letting people know and sending them a picture. Nearly everyone came to the party, and those that didn't sent a card or called to congratulate him.

MIL-1? She didn't do a thing. She didn't call. She didn't send a card. She didn't show up. She didn't even send a text message, which is her standard these days. She's ignored my kids for years, only paying attention to them when it was convenient for her. My family is done being convenient.

I've been saying it for a long time, we need to be done with her. Jakes graduation invitation was the last invitation I will ever send.

Good riddance.

On a happier note...

It took me 20 years but I finally got approval from my FIL. What is it with me and the in-laws? I was standing there at the graduation talking to him about the graduation ceremony and party going on around us when he told me that Jake had gown up to be a fine young man and that we had done a great job with him. "And this is a great party, you did a good job."

That was it. Twenty years of approval wrapped up in that one little statement. But that's all it took for me.

20 Years

Today is the 20th anniversary of Michael's death.

20 years ago today, I kissed my baby boys sweet little head and told the doctor it was okay to turn off the ventilator.

Thinking about that still brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could still smell his sweet babyness, cuddle his tiny little self.

After his heart stopped and relatives held him to say their goodbyes, we swaddled him in a blanket, handed his little body over to a nurse, and watched her walk down the hall and out of sight.

I haven't let that scene play in my head in a long time. A piece of my heart broke off and shriveled up in that moment.

Time certainly does not heal all wounds. It eases their severity. But the deep ones? It doesn't ever just go away.

Fresh Heartbreak

The blogging world has experienced some young losses in the past weeks and it is heartbreaking. I don't know them, I never saw them on the street in passing, I didn't even read their mommy's blogs... It matters not; I ache for them.

And I think of him...

Please keep the Spohr and Myers families in your thoughts and prayers.

I Could Be A Jewelry Girl...

I found it, for only $10 at Kohls!


So it's fake, but the real thing cost $300, so the decision was easy to make. It's perfect, but I've seen some other pearl necklaces that now I have a craving for a few more pieces.